Leave a Trail (Signal Bend #7)(86)

She was confused, but she pushed all those questions away. She didn’t like the way he was lying on the table, his mouth open, a puddle of drool under his face. It reminded her much too powerfully of that day in the barn, the day he’d punched her and called her shouted names. Now, with that memory sharp and foremost in mind, she was paralyzed. Worried about him, and afraid for herself, she didn’t know what to do.

They were together. They loved each other, lived together. She was his old lady. She knew exactly what to do. So she swallowed down her anxiety, took a deep breath, wrapped her cardigan tightly around her body, and reached a hand out and laid it on his shoulder, brushing his disheveled ponytail to the side.

“Badge?”

Nothing. She gripped his shoulder then and shook. “Badge? Honey, please.” Beginning to really worry and think that she should call Tasha, she shook yet harder and raised her voice. “Badge!”

His eyes flickered open, and then he jumped up, upsetting the chair he’d been sitting on. Adrienne backed off fast, trying to be prepared for him to lash out—she wasn’t prepared, she didn’t think she could ever be prepared for Badger to hurt her, but she tried. He stood there, looking lost, like he’d been dropped into the world fresh right at this moment. Then his body spasmed, and he made a falling leap toward the sink. Hanging on the edge of the basin by his arms, he vomited. And vomited. When he was finally done, he rinsed it down the drain, stuck his mouth under the running tap, and then dropped to the floor, the tap still running.

Adrienne waited until she was sure he would be still, then she turned off the tap and sat down on the floor facing him. Hector climbed into her lap and curled up. She didn’t give the pup much notice, but he was content where he was, insensible to the trouble in the room.

Badger was pale and shaking, the skin under his eyes bruised with weariness and sorrow. He looked a lot like the man who’d punched her—and that man was not the man she lived with. Her worry grew.

“Badge? What can I do?”

He didn’t answer. She put her hand on his; it shook as she reached for him. But when she touched him, he jerked away as if she were fire itself.

“Just leave me alone.” His voice was rough with bile.

Maybe once, she would have done as he’d said. But a lot had happened to Adrienne in the six months she’d lived in Signal Bend, with Badger, and she had changed. She had a hard edge on her heart now, and a strong steel in her spine. It didn’t even occur to her to back off—and it was that moment when she realized how much she had changed. Her hand, which had been shaking with the fear of being hurt, steadied. And she got angry.

“No. I’m not leaving you alone. You’re not alone. You shouldn’t be alone today. And you don’t get to push me away anymore. You don’t get to sit on your butt in the middle of our kitchen and tell me to leave you alone. What kind of jerk would I be if I walked away right now and left you hurting? Is that who you think I am?”

His gorgeous eyes were bleak and bleary, shot with red, but they met hers. “You never cuss.”

“What?” The statement derailed her ire.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cuss—‘cept one time, when we were f*cking. Why don’t you?” His words were slow, as if he was too tired to be really interested in the topic, but his eyes had sharpened as they held hers.

“I don’t know.” She really didn’t know why she didn’t swear. She never got offended when other people did—and she was surrounded by people who swore liberally. But those words just didn’t come to her when she was putting words together. Her parents hadn’t sworn, either, come to think of it. And she realized she’d never thought of it before. “Is it important?”

He shrugged stiffly. “I guess not. It’s you. It’s just different. Guess I wonder if it makes you think I’m less because I do.”

“What? That’s crazy. You need me to cuss? Fuck, cunt, shit, *, cocksucker, *, cock, dick, bullshit, cunt—”

With a low laugh, he put his hand up. “You said that one already. Okay, sorry. I don’t need you to cuss.

Sounds weird. But it was pretty hot when you said ‘f*ck’ when you were coming. Only did it that once, though.”

“I’ll try to throw one in there every now and then.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He took her hand, linking their fingers together. “I love you, Adrienne. I’m sorry I’m so f*cked up. I really am, too. I need to shut my brain down. I need it so bad, I’m going crazy. I haven’t wanted to score like this in months.”

She scooted closer. “I’m here, Badge. I’m always here for you. You don’t need that stuff. You don’t.

You’re strong, and you’re not alone.”

“Can we just go back to bed? I feel like shit.”

“Absolutely. You go on. I’ll take Hector out and get him fed. Then I’ll be with you. Okay?”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

She’d expected him to need sex, but he was too tired and ill, so when she came to bed, he only pulled her tightly to him, wrapping her up in his body. She could feel his tension slowly easing, and when he was asleep, she let herself drift off, too. When Hector fussed from the floor next to the bed, she reached down, careful not to disturb Badger, and brought the pup up. He immediately settled in her arms, and they three slept until the sun was high in the windows.