Leave a Trail (Signal Bend #7)(8)

Jerri Rae jumped back as if he’d struck her. “Geez. Badge. You don’t have to be mean. When did you get mean?” Her pretty face smeared with makeup and hurt feelings, she turned and walked away.

Badger rolled to sit on his ass against the wall. His nose was running freely, and he had the shakes. He was sore all over.

He needed to get level. Like, three hours ago.

But he didn’t keep any in the clubhouse—that would be an express ticket to a bullet in his head, if any of his brothers found his stash.

So he needed to get to the B&B. On his bike. With the shakes.

And f*ck, there was a wedding today. The bride wanted to ride in on Toby. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck.

He flushed the toilet, stood up, turned the cold tap on full blast in the sink, and stuck his head under.

When he felt marginally more human, he headed carefully out to his bike.



oOo



He almost dropped his bike twice—once while he was still in the motherf*cking clubhouse lot—but he managed to get himself to the B&B.

And the horses and goats were still loose. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ckety f*ck.

But Shannon’s car wasn’t around; it was still early, the morning light still heavy and grey. Badger ran to the goats—who weren’t fenced in—and found Weasel, sitting in his customary place on a short stack of hay bales. The dog whined when Badger approached him.

“Hey, Weez. Sorry, bud. Gimme a minute. I’ll get it straightened out.”

If he could. He was losing control of everything, falling into a pit. And he didn’t know the way out.

But he knew one way not to care, so he left Weasel still in charge of the goats and headed for his office.

A couple of minutes later, he didn’t care so much. It took him a few minutes more to remember to care about anything, but then he did, and he moved the goats into their enclosed pen, and he brought the horses into the barn for their morning feed and grooming. Weasel, relieved from duty, took a couple of bites from his bowl and then went straight to his sleeping pad in Badger’s office.

He was a great dog. Badger figured he’d stayed awake and alert all night. He knew he should feel guilty about that, and he would. Later. Right now, he felt okay, and he needed to feel okay.

Itchy, but okay.



oOo



He was still feeling level and back in control about an hour later. The day was warm and sunny, the last Saturday in March, and Badger had the big doors open for the breeze and light. After he’d tended to the horses, he’d put them out in the back pasture, where they’d have room to wander. Spirit especially liked to stretch his legs and get a run in, and the near paddock was too small for him to do more than turn circles.

Though the rest of the horses were loose in the pasture, Badger had Toby tethered in the aisle. The gentle bay had work to do today, so he was getting a full-service wash and groom. Badger had just finished hosing him down, and was shaking out a grooming chamois to wipe him down with, when he heard the crunch-rumble of a car pulling up, and he looked to see Shannon’s SUV parking in her usual spot.

Right at that particular moment, still feeling calm and level, he could appreciate how lucky he was that he’d gotten to work before Shannon and had fixed everything he’d screwed up, and he could appreciate it without the grip of anxiety around his throat. If his brothers caught wind of him f*cking up, he was, well, f*cked.

Unless Marv, the night manager, noticed that the animals were out…but no, he wouldn’t. Marv never left the main house during his shift. He sat in the office and watched Netflix, mainly. That was why he didn’t know that Badger spent almost every night in the barn. So he’d been lucky, and he was okay. He took a breath and started to turn his attention back to Toby.

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw something strange, so he turned back. And saw Adrienne getting out of Shannon’s ride with her. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

And she was headed for the barn. Double f*ck. Why? Why would she even want to be anywhere around him after what he’d done last night?

He watched her come; he couldn’t help it. No matter that he knew he should turn away, he couldn’t. She was so pretty. Hell, pretty wasn’t nearly good enough a word. Beautiful wasn’t right, either. He didn’t know enough words to know. But the morning light made a golden halo around her curly mane of hair, and she came toward him like some kind of vision, in jeans and boots and a loose, dark purple top. She was little, really slim, and mainly all he wanted to do around her was hold her. He liked her so much. More than liked her.

He knew she liked him, too. Or she thought she did. If she really knew him, if she really saw him, she’d turn tail in a hurry.

At first, he’d stayed in the friend zone because of Show, who’d made it clear, and more than once, that he was not okay with the idea of Shannon’s girl hooking up with Badger or any Horde.

Now, he stayed away because Show was right. He wasn’t in Adrienne’s league. He was a f*cked-up * with an expiration date. And he was a freakshow to look at.

The thought of Adrienne knowing any of that, of her looking at him with disgust or revulsion or fear— Badger thought that would be the thing that was the real last straw. So he stayed away. The shock and hurt he’d seen on her face last night was better than the disgust he’d see if they got close. If he let her in.

She had come into the barn, slowing as she approached, looking nervous. “Hi, Badge.” Her voice shook a little.