LOL: Laugh Out Loud (After Oscar, #2)(89)

Cyndee stood behind Diana, worrying her hands together, looking unusually contrite. “He thinks it was all his fault.”

I snapped my eyes to her. “What?”

“The paps coming. The chaos,” she explained. “He thinks it’s all his fault. That’s why he ran.”

I didn’t understand. “Why would it be his fault?” I asked. “They’re always fucking here! They’re everywhere! It’s what they do.”

“And you always hate it,” Diana broke in. “And he knows that. So if he thinks they were here because of him, he thinks he’s the cause of your unhappiness.”

Fuck. I dropped my face into my hands. She was right. That’s what I’d seen in his eyes when I’d told him to leave the room earlier: guilt. Remorse. Pain.

And it was all my fault.

“I have to go,” I croaked.

I pulled the door open and stalked out into the twilight of the stormy late afternoon. Drifts of new snow piled up everywhere, and the temperature had dropped to bitter levels. But I didn’t feel the cold because I was too worried about Scotty. Too focused on getting to him, holding him.

I followed faint bootprints toward the stable, expecting to find him holed up with his best girl. But when I stepped inside, neither one of them was there.

“Fuck,” I muttered to the empty stall. “Such a fucking idiot. That sweet fucking man.”

I sprinted out of the barn, searching for hoofprints that might indicate where they’d gone. I found a faint trail of them leading toward the woods, a pile of partially frozen poop indicating they’d left not too long ago.

I set out after them, hoping like hell he hadn’t gone too far for me to get there on foot. I plunged into the woods, the canopy of firs overhead blocking the worst of the wind and turning the swirling flurries into dancing specks of snow. It was eerily still and quiet, the snow muting all sound. Except for one. I paused, the crunching of my boots falling silent, and tilted my head listening.

Was that… Lady Gaga? Being sung by a man? A very familiar, sexy man? My heart surged in relief. Only Scotty, I thought, would belt out “Born This Way” in the middle of a frozen forest during a snowstorm. And surely you couldn’t belt it out the way Scotty was if you were half-frozen.

I slowed my steps, catching my breath and taking a moment to enjoy the sound of Scotty’s voice. The pure vibrance of it. Scotty sang those words like he didn’t give a fuck about what anyone thought.

Because that’s who Scotty was: someone who lived life with no apologies.

And I loved him all the more for it.

He broke off singing mid-refrain and started talking to Nugget. “You know, I keep saying we’re on the right track, baby, but I’m not so sure anymore. The hoofprints are hard to see in the shadows. And, like, no offense, but if it comes down to us spending the night out here, you’re going to have to be the big spoon.”

I put my hand over my mouth and bit back a sob. I loved this man so fucking much.

Scotty continued. “Do you think he’s going to be mad?” The rest of his words were muffled, but the tone of his voice was enough to make me start to run. I couldn’t bear him spending one more minute feeling guilty.

“Baby?” I called out.

Silence for a beat.

“Spartacus?” He sounded so unsure, it hurt my heart.

“Yeah, I’m here.” I took the last part of the path at a sprint and came out into a clearing to find him standing next to Nugget.

We both froze and stared at each other for a split second before Scotty dropped the reins and flew at me. My anger had evaporated the minute I’d heard him singing to his horse, but when I felt him crash into me and remembered how it felt when I’d thought I’d lost him, it all came flooding back.

I shoved my hand into his hair, holding him against me. “You aren’t allowed to leave me!” I cried into his neck. “God, Scotty, I thought you’d left me. You can’t leave me, dammit. That’s not how this works. You said… we said… and you… you can’t…” The sobs came out for real, finally, and I could barely catch my breath.

He wriggled around until he could grab my neck and yank me toward him, smashing our lips together just long enough for me to know we were okay, and then he pulled away to let me breathe.

“I love you,” he said urgently, meeting my eyes with his own bright blue ones. “I love you so much and I don’t want to be the reason you’re—”

“You’re not,” I said in a rush. Incredulous he could think such a thing. “Jesus, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you idiot. I needed you with me. I need you with me. I can’t do this without you anymore.”

I pulled him closer, pressing my forehead against his. “I was missing something huge and I didn’t know it, Scotty. It was you. It was always you I was missing. Please. Please don’t leave me. I’m not sure I’ll survive it.”

He pulled back so he could look me in the eyes. “I don’t want to ever be a burden,” he warned.

I cupped his cheeks. “I don’t want to ever be alone.”

“I don’t want to be dependent.”

“I don’t want you to ever resent me.”

We grinned stupidly at each other.