Kissin' Tell (Rough Riders #13)(43)

“Have you talked to Jack about any of this?”


“No. He’s my best friend—hell, he’s my everything—but I don’t think he’ll understand. I can’t talk to AJ because she’s glowing with pregnancy. My mom had five kids by the time she was my age. My single friends remind me I’m only thirty and there’s no rush to motherhood. My sisters-in-law and my cousins’ wives nag me to get on the ball so mine and Jack’s kids will be raised around cousins like I was. I just feel that no one understands my fears, even when they sound stupid when I say them out loud.”


Tell sat up a little straighter. Could that be the issue with Brandt? Some unnamed fear and he felt he had no one to talk to about it?


“It’ll cause problems if you don’t talk to Jack about what’s holding you back as far as planning a nursery and picking baby names. Trust me on this. Brandt is holding something back from me and it’s frustrating. So I imagine Jack might feel the same way.”


Keely snickered. “GQ practically shoved me out the door to meet the newest McKay. I think he’s hoping new-baby pheromones give my biological clock a good swift kick.” She glanced down at the bundle in her arms and her nose wrinkled. “He just filled his diaper.”


“Hand him over. Will you get the diapers and stuff over by the window?”


Brandt walked in, his gaze firmly on Jessie’s face. “What’s goin’ on?”


“Diaper change.”


“Oh.”


Tell watched his brother standing there, just watching Keely help out, not offering to do anything.


Enough.


He grabbed the bottle and clapped Brandt on the back. “Come on. I could use some fresh air.”


“Keely’s gonna stick around for a bit, so I’ll be fine,” Jessie said.


Tell sent Jessie a reassuring glance before following Brandt out the door. He headed to his pickup and dropped the tailgate. He took a seat and watched Brandt pace. “Let’s make a toast to your son.”


“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”


“Why? You figure we’re gonna get arrested? If Cam’s on duty, we won’t even get a warning for open container.”


“Fine. Gimme the damn thing.”


“Huh-uh. I get the honors.” Tell twisted the cap off. “Welcome to the world, Tucker McKay.” Then he handed Brandt the bottle.


Brandt took a long swallow and passed it back to Tell.


After Tell drank, he said, “Your turn to make a toast.”


“To Jessie. The best woman in the whole damn world.”


By about the fifth toast, they’d knocked back a third of the bottle. Finally, Brandt stopped pacing and hopped up on the tailgate.


“Sharing a bottle takes me back. Remember that time Luke dragged all of us to the lake to go fishin’?”


Tell nodded. “We never even dropped a line on the water, bein’s he stole a bottle of Dad’s cheap whiskey.”


“First time Dalton ever got drunk.”


“First time I ever got drunk,” Tell reminded him.


“Man. Dad whupped Luke but good. Gave him the punishment for all of us because as the oldest, Luke shoulda known better.”


The liquid in the bottle sloshed as Tell helped himself to another swig.


“I miss him.”


“I do too.”


“I still expect him to show up where we’re workin’. Skidding to a stop in his truck, the tires spraying us with dust, and then him saying, ‘If ya ain’t dirty, you ain’t workin’ hard enough’.”


Tell chuckled.


“I can’t really talk to Jess about it,” Brandt said softly. “Not like I used to.”


“I don’t imagine you can. But you can talk to me, Brandt. Both me and Dalton. Neither of us wants to forget Luke like he never was.”


Brandt didn’t respond.


“Are you talkin’ to Jess about anything? And before you deny it, it’s obvious something ain’t right. You wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?”


He sighed. “It’s been goin’ on a while. Since Jess miscarried. She just fell apart, convinced she’d never take a baby to term. We were shocked to find out she was pregnant so soon after. When she got past the six-month mark, that’s when she began to breathe a little easier. But me? I couldn’t breathe at all.”


Tell tipped the bottle and drank.


“I worried about every damn thing. Her health. Money. The baby’s health. Each month her belly got bigger, so did my fears.”


“Is there one fear that’s bigger than all the rest?”


Brandt looked away.


“Come on. It’s me. This is eatin’ you alive, bro. And that ain’t good.”


He scrubbed his hands over his face. “What if I turn out to be the same kind of father as Dad?”


Tell’s stomach dropped.


“Don’t tell me that it won’t happen. To hear Dad’s brothers talk, he wasn’t always a total dick either.”