Kiss the Sky (Addicted #3)(116)

“If you’re worried whether I’ll mutilate the flowers at their wedding, don’t be. I picked them out. They’re having orchids.”

“I changed them.”

Her eyes jolt further open, and she sits all the way up, holding the sheet to her chest. She points at me. “If my mother swayed you to orange lilies and teal ribbon—”

I cover her mouth. “I didn’t consult your mother on any of the final arrangements, I promise.”

“Then what’s this about?” she asks. “You look like you failed a math test.”

I edge close to her and kiss her temple. “I was just thinking about us.”

She freezes. “And it upset you?”

I’ve always been the most confident, the most prepared, but never the most forthcoming. And all of these are being overturned. How can you be confident when someone else holds your fate? I can’t make my own if she’s won’t deal me some cards.

“I’m all in,” I tell her. “I want the kids. I want the wedding ring on your finger. I want all of it with you, Rose. Where’s your head at?” We haven’t talked about this in months. The last time we did, she denounced my vain concept of children, but after dealing with Daisy, Lily—she has to see that we’d be good together, beyond academic rivals, beyond great sex. We’re compatible in life. And that’s what matters most.

She shakes her head as she stares off in thought.

My chest constricts, and I try to make this easier for her. “Imagine yourself in two years. What do you see?”

After a long silence, she says, “I see you working for Cobalt Inc. beside your mother, and I see us taking vacations together with my sisters and their boyfriends or husbands, whatever they’ve done in two years.” She rolls her eyes but smiles at that future.

I wait for her to finish, but that’s it. “What about Calloway Couture?”

“I don’t know. I’d probably have more employees to help me. I wouldn’t be so focused on it, or at least, I don’t want to be.”

I frown, not expecting this answer at all. “But you love fashion.”

“You loved Wharton.”

I shake my head at her. It’s not the same. And I’ll show her why. “Can you really quit your business, Rose? Would that make you happy?”

She lets out a deep breath like she’s combatted with this all before. “No. I would be miserable without Calloway Couture, but I’m miserable trying to keep it running. I have no control in what happens to the line once it goes in the store. It could be pulled in a year, less than that. And then I have to work hard all over again. For what?”

“So that women may wear your clothes, darling.”

“It’s foolish.”

“It’s not even close to that, Rose,” I tell her with narrowed eyes. “You give women clothes that they can feel confident in. You empower them in a way you know how, and that will never be foolish. That’s beautiful and brilliant and something you can’t forget.”

And then she kisses me. Her hand clenching my hair as her lips press against mine. I smile and urge her lips open for a second, our tongues meeting in an embrace that clutches my mind and refuses to let go.

But she breaks first, holding my cheek in a delicate hand. “Thank you,” she says. “You’re right—” She puts her fingers to my lips. “Don’t you dare gloat.”

I try not to grin too much.

Her lips rise. “I’m going to try to find a way to be happy with what I have. I don’t want to keep thinking it’s never enough. And I’m not ready to give it all up either.”

I grab her hand, dropping it from my mouth. “That’s a smart decision.” I brush the bottom of her reddened lip. “And in ten years, when your sisters and their husbands have children and families of their own, what do you picture for yourself?”

“I can’t look that far,” she refutes.

“Lies,” I scoff with the click of my tongue. “You’ve mapped out your life already.”

“How do you know?”

“Because that’s what you and I do. We envision our futures and we make it happen.”

She squeezes my knee. “Now you make us seem utterly shallow and vain.”

“We are,” I say. “But in the best way.” I grin and wait for her to tell me. I want to hear it.

“I see you and me together, and we’re eating Thanksgiving at our house. Loren and Lily come over. They don’t have kids, but they’re happy with that. And Daisy will arrive on her motorcycle with some drifter boyfriend we all hate. Ryke won’t be there. He’ll be…climbing some mountain in another country, backpacking or something insane. And you and I will be drinking wine by the fire after everyone goes to bed.”

No children.

Anywhere. Not even for her sisters.

That’s how scared she is. “What frightens you about having kids?” I ask her, skimming her palm with my fingers, tracing the lines while she comes to an answer.

She goes rigid, and I sit all the way up and rub her legs that peek beneath the sheet. “Failure,” she says with a tight voice. “What if they hate me? What if I don’t show them the love they deserve? What if I turn out like my mother and suffocate each one?” She pauses. “I don’t want to ruin a human being, Richard.”