Kiss of Fire (Imdalind, #1)(16)

He drove far too fast, his car weaving in and out of traffic in a mad rush to get back to my tiny apartment. We didn’t go to my house though; we went to his. He pulled through the large wrought-iron gates, speeding back to the door by the kitchen. His sporty Lotus looked ridiculous next to my mom’s rusty station wagon, and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

I moved to get out of the car, but Ryland rushed around and picked me up before I could stand. The car ride had rid his skin of the glistening sweat, and he now held me close to his chest. The warmth from his skin seeped through my sweater and spread over my skin comfortably.

“I can walk, Ry,” I protested, albeit half-heartedly. He smiled down at me as he walked across the parking lot and into the kitchen that was empty except for my mother.

“What happened?” my mom asked, her eyes bugging out of her head.

“She fell on some asphalt and cut her knee. I need to get back, but wanted to make sure she was okay first,” he explained to her, his eyes never leaving mine. I heard my mom exclaim and rush out of the kitchen, presumably for a first-aid kit.

Ryland lowered me to the barstool I usually sat on. His movements were slow and controlled, his face lingering near mine for longer than was necessary. I was overwhelmed by his smell as he moved away from me, yet keeping his face inches from mine. My mind filled with images of our interlocked lips; I didn’t push them away this time.

Ryland lifted his hand to my face, resting it against my jawline as his thumb caressed my cheek. I was so confused. Wasn’t it just this morning he had worried that I had gotten the wrong idea from the necklace? Wasn’t it just this morning that he told me he just wanted to be friends? Wasn’t it? My heart beat uncomfortably in my chest as he moved his head toward mine, his eyes darting down to my lips before returning to capture my gaze. My mom cleared her throat behind me, and we both jumped.

“See you on Monday, Jos,” Ryland smiled at me before turning and rushing out the door.

I sat still, in shock, feeling like I was robbed of something important to me. I stared at the door as I tried to wade through an endless sea of confusion.

My mom huffed and came over to me, first-aid kit in hand. “You can’t have him, you know?” Her voice was a calm whisper. She didn’t even look at me; her focus was on my cut knee.

“I know,” I answered, surprised at the sadness in my voice. “Just this morning he was saying the necklace meant nothing, and he was just my friend. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“Him?” my mother asked. “There seemed to be a lot of you in that equation.”

I sighed in response. I knew she was right. Whether he was the one to initiate something or not, I would not be the one to stop it. What had happened to us in the past few days? Couldn’t we go back to playing Conquer the Castle and destroying monsters on his PlayStation?

“What’s going on?” I threw my head into my hands.

“You love him,” she replied.

“What?”

“Well, you do; you always have—both of you. Now, it’s just grown into something a little bit more mature.”

“But I still can’t have him.” It was a statement, not a question.

“No, honey, no matter how many amazing, rippling muscles he has,” she laughed. “Your being with him is like a serving girl marrying a king; it’s not going to happen. Life is not a fairy tale.”

“What do I do?”

“Leave him alone, make new friends, and forget about him.”

My heart plummeted at her words. I didn’t want to do that. Forbidden romance or no, he was still my best friend. Not to mention that soon, he would be leaving me forever.

“I can’t do that, Mom. He’s leaving for Oxford in just a few months. Then… then, I’ll never see him again.”

My mom sighed at me. I could tell she didn’t approve. She wanted me to walk away from him, but she couldn’t stand to see me hurting either.

“Weren’t you telling me just a few days ago how love changes you? How wonderful love is?” I couldn’t keep the accusatory tone out of my voice, no matter how hard I tried.

“This is different.”

“How is this different, Mom? It doesn’t feel different.”

“You will be able to tell the difference when you experience the real thing... when you experience something you can keep.”

I looked at her for a long time. The way she had talked about Dad before, I could feel that same desperate longing in me now, and it kind of scared me.

“How many times have you been in love, Mom?” I asked her.

I saw her hesitate, her chest heave.

“You need to remember that he is your friend, Joclyn, not a boyfriend.” She avoided my question. “Give your heart to someone who can take it and not break it, honey; because in all honesty, I’m not sure what Edmund would do if he found out.”

And that was the real reason anything between Ryland and me could never work.

Edmund would kill me.





Five


I had been picking at the remains of my cafeteria pizza for about the last ten minutes, my eyes unfocused and looking off into space. I could hear the ebbing noise in the cafeteria, a sure sign that lunch was almost over, but I wasn’t going to move until the bell rang. I sighed as another piece of pizza crust fell away from the whole and onto the plate.