Kiss and Don't Tell(98)

I reach across the table and move my finger over the top of his hand. “So, what you’re saying is that when we get to your place, we’re going to take a bath together?”

His eyes darken as he says, “That . . . and other things.”

My lips quirk up. “Like what? Show me around?”

“Yeah, I’ll show you around.” He leans back in his chair and rubs his hand over his jaw. “I’ll show you around my place by fucking you in every room.”

Good God.

I wasn’t aware men actually talk like this in real life, but here I am, sitting across from a dirty, dirty man. A sexy one, but dirty for sure. And I love it.

“That’s quite the invitation. Are you sure you’re not going to get sick of me?”

He lets out a sarcastic laugh and leans forward, placing both of his arms on the table. “Babe, after that blow job you gave me in the shower, pretty sure I’m addicted.” I feel my cheeks blush as he takes my hand. “But putting the physical aspect to the side, after seeing you sprint out of your uncle’s house with a trophy, shoeless, and telling him to suck your breastmilk, I’m pretty sure I won’t ever be able to let you go.”

I laugh and shake my head. “You should be scared, because who does that? Honestly, there’s crazy in me and that should terrify you.”

“Oddly, it excites me. Just tells me you’re up for anything.” He grips my hand and says, “Want to know something?”

“Always,” I answer.

“I think, from the outside looking in, someone hearing you going to your uncle’s house who you’ve never met only to take something your mom always wanted, might see it as juvenile, maybe even insane. But that’s not how I see it at all.”

“How do you see it?” I ask.

“I see someone who’s brave. Someone who loves with all their heart. And someone who wants to make a wrong a right. Was it done in grand style? No, but it still was pretty awesome to watch. It’s sexy, being with a confident woman like you, someone who’s so courageous they don’t care what other people think.” He kisses the back of my hand. “I feel lucky that you stumbled into my life.”

“Pacey,” I say softly as tears form in my eyes. “I’m the lucky one.”

He smirks. “Maybe we’re both lucky. How about that?”

“I think that’s a good compromise.”

He winks and then smooths his thumb over the back of my knuckles. “Where do you plan on burying her with the trophy?”

“There’s this hike we used to do when she needed some fresh air. It was an easy trail through Discovery Park, but it was one of her favorite things to do when she was up for it. We’d take our time, breathe in the fresh air, and admire all the beautiful foliage along the trail. Mom said she’d want her tree to be planted there.” I glance up at Pacey. “Not sure really if you’re allowed to plant anything there, but you know me—I’m a rebel now.”

He chuckles. “That you are, babe. When do you plan on doing this?”

“When I get back to Seattle. I have what I need now.”

He nods slowly. “Think I can go with you?”

Surprised, I ask, “You want to help me plant my mom’s tree?”

“I want to be there for you, Winnie. I know you’ll have Katherine and Max, but if you’re okay with it, if you wouldn’t mind me coming along, I’d just really like to be there supporting you.”

Wow. Just wow. He’s serious. He’s respectful, kind, generous, and I think he actually wants to be mine. I blink a few times and then say, “Pacey, I don’t know what to say. I’m—”

“Sorry, Winnie. I overstepped. I understand if you don’t want me there, baby. That’s fine.”

“No, you don’t understand. Pacey, that’s one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever offered me. Yes, you’re right, Katherine and Max would be there by my side if I asked them to be. But I’m honestly so blown away by your offer. And yes, please. I’d really love that, if you come with me.”

He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. I love how affectionate he is. Something I also lost when Mom passed.

“So, this”—I motion between us—“this is real, then? Like . . . really real.”

“Yeah. It’s fucking real.”

And it feels like it. It feels real. More real than anything I had with Josh, and even though that was a three-year relationship, the connection I share with Pacey is more intense. There’s pride in what he feels for me, and he treats me like my mom always wished for me to be treated. And as I sit here, staring at him across the table, I know, deep in my bones, my mom would not only approve of Pacey, she’d encourage me to put away my worry and live in the moment with him.

Even though this is all so quick, so terrifying, that’s what I plan on doing. Living in the moment.





Max: Wait, you’re going to stay with Pacey in Vancouver? For how long?

We’re an hour away from Pacey’s apartment and he’s quietly jamming to some Harry Styles, which makes me chuckle. Apparently, “Golden” is his jam. He also confessed to enjoying some One Direction songs, but he’s very particular about which ones. Not all of them, just the ones where Harry is front and center—which I tried to explain is almost all of them, but that didn’t go over well.