King Cave (Forever Evermore, #2)(91)
There was only quiet behind me until Ezra stated dryly, “You’ve got to give me more than that to go on.”
Closing my eyes in resignation, I turned and opened them to meet his gaze slowly. His was as guarded as mine. His body appeared deceptively at ease, his posture of someone inviting candor, but his muscles were fairly vibrating they were so tense. I eyed him, trying to work through this.
Going on facts alone, I reasoned it out. During our time together, not-so-gradually my interest in any other partner had completely diminished. When we had been on our break, it had hurt like a son of a bitch when I had found out about his other partners. I had only continued sleeping with Finn because I was pissed off and confused. And there was the incident with Rose’s dog when I hadn’t liked her near him. Hell, I couldn’t even imagine finding someone I would want more in my bed than Ezra. And all the while, I had been having more sex with Ezra, spending every spare moment I could with him.
And it hit me, like a bullet of pounding awareness through the brain.
Oh, Jesus.
My breath caught and my gaze jumped away from him.
“What?” Ezra asked instantly.
I started pacing in front of the bookshelves, rubbing my nose every time I neared the fireplace, so I stayed clear of it. Its smell was bugging the shit out of me when Ezra wasn’t near and his scent permeating my senses. I sighed and stopped in the middle of the room, facing him. “Okay, you and I…” I fidgeted with my open shirt, staring down at it. “Would it be…” Oh hell, this was f*cking hard to say.
Ezra kept silent, his gaze making me even more nervous.
Finally, I blurted, “We’ve never had ‘the talk’, Ezra.” My hands fluttered a little before I started yanking them through my hair while I wondered if this was a bad idea. “You know?”
He held my gaze. “The talk?” He spoke like it was foreign to him, tasting the word’s newness.
I sighed heavily. How the hell else do I explain it? Wringing my hands, I studied my shoes. “Like…we never talked about…whether or not we would have other lovers while we were sleeping together.” When he stilled completely, I stated hurriedly, “I don’t want that. Or, what I mean is, I don’t want us sleeping with other people.” Fuck, I was flustered.
Running my hands through my hair, I continued blundering through what I was trying to say. “I want to be…exclusive.” I nodded. That was what I wanted to say. “Exclusion. I want it stated in mutual understanding that’s where we are, instead of just…happening. I want to know for a fact that you aren’t out there kissing or touching or f*cking someone else. And I don’t want someone else doing any of that to you.”
I pointed at myself. “I can honestly say I don’t want anyone else doing that to me. But right now, as we stand, either one of us could go out and f*ck someone else, and the other person would have no viable reason to be upset, because we’ve never actually talked about it.” My eyes, which had been wandering, darted to his. And stayed there. I really wanted to look away, but I wanted to gauge his reaction more.
He didn’t show a damn thing. “Exclusion?”
Curtly, I nodded. I had already asked it. Might as well see where this goes.
“As in,” his head tilted to the side, “you no longer f*ck anyone but me?”
I nodded. Crude, but true. “Yes. And you no longer f*ck anyone but me.” I had to clarify that.
His head fell back, exposing his throat as he gazed at the ceiling. I stared. He definitely wasn’t calm. I didn’t even have to listen to his heartbeat to know that. It was actually visible in the wild pulse at his throat.
When he stayed silent, my heart rate doubled in worry, and I asked quickly, “Would it really be so bad to be together-together?” I shook my head, throwing my arms wide. “Hell, we practically are already. It’s just…happening. All I want is for you to say you won’t sleep with anyone else.” I paused, then made myself say, “Well, unless you break it off with me first.” I was proud the words came out louder than a whisper, because I sure as hell didn’t want him breaking it off.
Gaze dropping from the ceiling, he ran a hand over his face. “Sweetheart, calm down.” His words were quiet, calm, when neither of us were. “I understand what you’re saying.” His green gaze met mine steadily. “It’s not that I haven’t thought before about bringing this topic up with us.” My heart stalled, hearing that. His smile was soft, his head slightly cocking. “I’ve been without my mate longer than you have yours, and I’ve been staring at that damn crack longer than you have. So I’m,” he lifted his hand, rolling a finger, “further along in the process than you are.”
“Oh.” I tried to keep my jaw from gaping. “Why haven’t you said anything then?” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, realization dawned. He didn’t want it. My breathing hitched, and I glanced at the door again. “Fuck, my ignorance surprises even me sometimes.”
Quietly, he growled, “It’s not what you’re thinking, so don’t even think about running.”
My gaze snapped to his. His head was tilted down, his eyes staring at me with clear intent. If I made a move for the door, he was planning to stop me. “Okay…explain, please.”
He stared at me for a few beats longer, his eyes assessing. I tried to appear at ease, as if I didn’t want to run from him saying he didn’t want me, and placed my hands in my pockets, rocking back on my heels. Eh, no problem. He sighed, leaning back on the desk, even though his eyes didn’t waver from me, not buying my act.