King Cave (Forever Evermore, #2)(61)
I understood that, too. “The ‘what-ifs’ are killing me.” They were. Before I had gone into the sparring ring with Elder Merrick, I had felt only slightly queasy, probably no more than a normal pregnant woman would. But, after the fall…
Sitting heavily on the couch, Ezra let his head fall back like mine and stared at the ceiling. “I keep thinking about what they would have looked like.” His tone was void. Monotone. “If they would have been small and beautiful like you. Or brutes like me. What skin tone they would have had — my dark or your light or a mixture. Or their eye color — blue, or green, or maybe a grandparent’s dark color. Whether they would have been boys or girls or one of each.” He sighed, the sound shaky and nothing like his voice. “Did you know twins are even rarer for Mysticals than they are for Commoners? Usually, they’re more powerful than a singleton.”
“No. I didn’t know.” It was a whisper. My breath was as shaky as his. “They would have been beautiful and perfect.”
“I know.” A hard sniff. “I f*cking know.” He blurred, his face suddenly over mine and his hand cupping the back of my head. Our gazes held, the knowledge there of our shared loss. Gradually, he set his forehead against mine. “So we’re on a mutual break from each other.”
It wasn’t a question, but I quietly replied, “Yes. I think that’s for the best.” I knew it was.
He nodded slightly, his forehead rubbing against mine. Deliberately moving slowly, he lowered his mouth, giving me plenty of time to pull back if I wished. But I didn’t want to. He and I hadn’t kissed since we had found out I was pregnant. I wanted this last touch before our hiatus.
Lifting my hands, I rested them on his cheeks, cupping his face as our lips brushed softly. It was so delicate and tender, our mouths molding just as perfectly as they always did, that I trembled under him, matching the way his hand began shaking on the back of my head. His fingers tightened for the briefest moment, and his lips pressed harder against mine, before he pulled back. My hands slid down his cheeks, falling to my lap.
He took a few steps backward, peering away from me while rubbing the back of his neck. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t flaunt any of your lovers in front of me.” He cracked his neck. “I’m thinking that might bother me.” He cracked his neck the other way. “I’ll do the same for you.”
My gaze fell to my lap as I twisted my fingers around each other. “I’m not plan—”
“Don’t, Lily,” he cut me off. “We both know the truth of each other.”
Oddly, the silence was heavier than it had been before. But I nodded jerkily. “If I have sex with anyone, I won’t make a display of it.” It was about respect now.
“Thank you,” he stated gruffly. He walked toward the door. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah.” I watched him disappear out of our bedroom. The door shut quietly. “Later.”
Chapter Eleven
As I walked to the dining hall — alone — many watched me. It reminded me of the time Ezra and I had made this trek over three weeks ago. That time, they had stared and waited for us to yell at one another, but this time, their gazes held only sympathy — the gossip had made its rounds — as they watched to see if I would break down in front of them. But I didn’t. I was stronger than that now, my three days of sobbing done. I needed to re-enter life in some way — my previous loss of my mate and, before him, my mother, had taught me that the faster I was able to get back into the swing of things, the quicker my life would turn around by force of mundane issues.
After placing on my tray a few items of my favorite foods in the hope I would be able to eat them all, I peered around the lunchtime crowd for a free seat. By habit, my gaze automatically went to where Ezra, Pearl, Jack, and I had been sitting regularly, which also happened to be the table Ezra and I had taken three weeks ago, but it was filled with Shifters I didn’t recognize.
But the large table next to it wasn’t.
All the Kings sat there, along with Antonio and his group. They weren’t staring at me blatantly, but their looks weren’t very covert. Oddly, and for the first time in my life, I actually wanted to sit at their table in the hope they may leave me in peace, compared to another table, which would be full of my subjects who might try to start a conversation. So I made my way through the crowded tables and took one of the remaining empty seats next to Elder Merrick at the end of the table. And again I did something I had never done before. I leaned my forehead against a powerful alpha Shifter’s shoulder, deeply scenting his animal — he had shifted recently — and pulling some strength from him, as many others did to me when they were troubled.
The table was quiet as he rested his arm around my shoulder, holding still so I could take what I needed from him. My body shuddered as I stuffed my face against his neck, scenting him heavily, and I felt a pulse of his power flow into me. A soothing gesture. Voice quiet, I whispered, “Thank you.” He briefly rested his head on top of mine, turning to lay a light kiss on my forehead, before I lifted away, feeling better.
Staring down at my food, the contents of my plate really didn’t appear appetizing, but I stabbed into my macaroni expecting it would go down easier than the small steak or the green beans. I slowly chewed the tiny bite as soft conversation started around the table. I had planned right. They weren’t going to bother me as my soon-to-be subjects might have. It gave me the perfect opportunity to look directly across the table.