King Cave (Forever Evermore, #2)(52)

Jack grumbled, “Seriously? After everything we just walked in on?”

Ezra grinned, showing a little fang. “You can’t see shit under the water.”

Pearl flicked her finger at us. “Not with us in here.” She shuddered.

“Thank God the water was dark,” I murmured, hardly hearing her as a quick visual of my biological dad…ugh…nope, not going there. Ezra gently pulled me to the side, placing me directly next to him on the rock bench and pulling my legs over his thigh, one of his arms around my waist. “Next time, we need to tell him to keep it behind closed doors.”

His fingers trailed up and down my leg. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about it?”

I held my hands up out of the water in a stopping gesture. “You’re right. Never mind.”

Jack said lazily, “If I see this water rippling more than it should be right now, I’ll freeze your half.” His lips lifted in the barest smile as his head fell back in relaxation.

Ezra and I both chuckled, even as I grabbed his hand, which was beginning to wander up to my breast. I tugged it back down to my leg, hearing him sigh softly, his head also falling back, but more in defeat. I agreed with Pearl and Jack. No funny business while they were in here.

Pearl went under and resurfaced to brush hair out of her face, saying abruptly, “I miss him.”

Instantly, I whispered, “I know.”

“How do you two do it?” Jack asked, his eyes blinking open to stare at the ceiling. “How did you get past it?”

Ezra cleared his throat, speaking slowly. “It’s not that you get past it…” He sighed. “I’m not really the best person to ask this, because I went crazy for a little while when Felicia died, but for me…time and the friendship of you three have helped immensely. The pain isn’t so agonizing anymore. I loved Felicia, but she’s not coming back. I choose to live in the now, with hopes of a possible future — when I’m ready — rather than in the past.”

Pearl dunked herself again, which I realized was her washing away her silent tears.

“He explained it perfectly,” I murmured quietly, my own head resting against the rock floor, arching my neck over the tub’s edge. “That’s what helped me. Time and friendship.” I shook my head against the floor, stating bluntly, “There’s no easy fix to the pain of losing a mate.”

“Sometimes I wonder why we even have them,” Pearl whispered, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat. “I mean, why do that to someone when it hurts so badly when they’re gone?”

“The magic,” Jack murmured, grabbing Pearl’s hand as she brushed her hair back, both their entwined hands falling under the water. “We live so long, it’s supposed to be a gift to us, finding the one perfect person to live our life with.”

“I’ve never heard it put that way before.” Ezra tilted his head, eyeing Jack. “It makes sense, though.”

I blinked up at the ceiling. “I see the world through a crack.”

Pearl asked slowly, “Meaning?”

“I mean, I see the possibilities of a future after losing a mate. A truly happy one with another partner. Full of love and kindness and normal fights. At first, after Dominic died, I didn’t see that. All I saw was gray, a life I had to walk through. But now, through the crack, I see a world full of colors, a life I would love to walk through, not one I have to.”

“What’s stopping you?” Jack’s eyes were avid on me.

Ezra grunted. “The rest of the wall.”

I nodded, my head bumping his shoulder. “Exactly.”

Ezra stared at Jack and Pearl. “Once you get to where she’s talking about, which is exactly where I am too, you’ll see that f*cking crack is so damn tiny compared to the rest of the damn wall.”

Pearl’s head cocked. “The wall is fear?”

Ezra nodded, but said, “Yes, but that’s not what you feel at first.”

“Disbelief,” I stated, not agreeing with Ezra completely on this one because I felt no fear.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Then shock.”

I nodded this time. “Then a sort of void.”

He murmured, “A big dose of wariness comes next.”

Ezra glanced at me when I stayed mute.

I shook my head. “I don’t know what comes after that.” Wariness was where I was currently at, the feeling fairly new to my system.

Ezra blinked, staring. “Ah.” He turned his attention to Jack and Pearl. “Hope and fear come next, hard enough to cripple you.” We stared at him, waiting for more. He had been longer without his mate than any of us. Farther along in the grieving process. He shrugged lightly, stating, “I don’t know what comes afterward. I haven’t gotten there yet.”

Pearl’s eyebrows puckered. “If you don’t know, then how do you know for a fact you can cross over to this mysterious colorful life?”

I gauged Pearl and Jack, remembering how I had felt in their shoes, and answered for Ezra. “Because it’s not just a possibility, it’s reality.” When they only stared, I continued explaining the best way I knew how. “The Coms don’t have mates, and although their marriages end in divorce too many times to count, plenty don’t. Instead, their marriages are long and full of love and children, and yes, full of normal everyday problems. It’s not perfect, but life isn’t.” I shrugged. “Really, the two imperfections — their normal marriages and life — only make them stronger.”