KING(58)

“The point is that I can’t do anything that could potentially be life-changing because it isn’t just my life I have to think about. I have to consider that one day all my memories, everything I am and everything I was, will come back to me. It may never happen, but I can’t take the risk. Because the possibility that it might happen is out there. That day, when and if I become HER again, I will have to deal with all the things I did when I didn’t know who I was. That’s why even though I think your artwork is beyond amazing and I’ve imagined you creating something for me since I saw you tattoo for the very first time, I just can’t do that to her. What if she hates it? What if she is morally against tattoos and I’ve left her with something she can’t get rid of? That’s why although my body wants you, and I want you, it doesn’t matter. Because the person you see in front of you is just temporary.” King pulled back and was now staring into my eyes as I spoke. “I can’t help but melt into you when you touch me, but I can’t do this to her. What if she has a boyfriend, a fiancé? What if being with you means ruining her?”

I sniffled. Tears welled up and were about to spill from my eyes. King forced me toward him with a hand on the back of my neck, and just as I thought he was going to kiss me again, he turned my face and licked my cheek, wiping my tears away with his tongue.

“What if she’s a virgin?” I whispered.

King slowly shifted me off his lap and set me back on the passenger seat.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” he said softly. “And while I am both appalled and incredibly turned on by the idea of being the first one inside that pretty * of yours, I feel it necessary to point out the holes in your little theory about the person you were, before you came stumbling into my life.”

“What would those holes be?” I asked.

“First, your virginity theory. Who the f*ck cares? If your memory comes back and you go back to a life where I’m not around, at least you’ll have enough amazing memories to last you through faking the orgasms with whatever schmuck you’re with.”

“Why is he a schmuck?”

“Trust me. A guy who let you wonder far away and hasn’t found you by now, if he’s even looking for you at all, is a f*cking schmuck. I didn’t even like you at first. In fact, I downright f*cking hated you, and I still didn’t want you more than ten feet from me. Neither did my cock.”

I shuddered. “And the next hole in my theory?” My voice was strained.

“Tattoos. Anyone who doesn’t like my art can kick rocks.”

“It’s that simple?”

“Yes, it’s that simple,” he stated flatly. Then, his face grew serious. “It’s that simple, but not because of some guy who may or may not be out there pining for you or the fear that you will regret letting me f*ck you or tattoo you.” King traced a line from the back of my hand to the top of my shoulder like he was creating an imaginary tattoo. “It’s that simple because you can’t live your life for someone you might be. So what if your memories come back and the person you were before comes with them? She will just have to f*cking deal with the fact that you were here when she wasn’t. Make your mark while you still can, pup.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It is.”

“It’s not. I just…I can’t,” I breathed. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that I wasn’t protecting her.

“You made a promise that you would protect me. Well, I made a promise that I would protect her,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

“Have you even thought that who you are now is exactly the person you’re supposed to be? That maybe with the slate wiped clean of bullshit outside influences that you are now more yourself than ever before?” he asked, with each point he was trying to make he grew louder.

“No.” I hadn’t thought of that. King had a point. “But living life thinking that was the truth was a gamble I’m not willing to take.” I looked down to the floor and wished it would open up and suck me down into it.

“So, let me get this straight. You were willing to f*ck random bikers, but you can’t be with me?” There was a hint of cruelty in his voice. If his intentions were to sting, they worked.

“That’s a low blow.”

But King continued on as if I hadn’t just interrupted. “So I’m just like them to you? Just like a biker you don’t want to f*ck and end up regretting?