KING(39)

I certainly didn’t expect to be smack dab in the living room of a house that could belong to anyone’s grandma.

“Oh, I don’t mean to keep you. I know you have other stops. Janine just phoned before you got here, and I know she is looking forward to your visit as well. She made you a cherry pie,” Arlene said.

“You ladies are going to make me fat.” Preppy leaned back and patted his flat stomach.

Arlene stood up. “Samuel, you do what you need to do. I’ll be out in the garden. Come say good-bye before you leave.” Arlene set down her teacup, picked up a wide brimmed hat and a pair of gardening gloves, and disappeared through the front door.

“Let’s do the damn thing,” Preppy said. He stood and walked down the hall, pausing at a door furthest down the small hallway. “Are you coming or do you think this is where I keep all my old lady bondage gear? Because I’m not wearing the ball-gag again, totally hurts my jaw.”

“Ha ha very funny.” At this point, there could be a three-ring circus behind that door, and I wouldn’t have been surprised. “We’ve already established that you’re not getting paid to be a man-whore.”

“Nope. Just a man-whore for fun.”

“So enlighten me. Why exactly are we here?”

“We’re gardening.” Preppy opened the door and stepped aside, allowing me to enter first. What I came face to face with was far more surprising than a three-ring circus. Rows upon rows of leafy green plants filled the small space. High tech machinery lined the walls. A ventilation system hung from the ceiling. A mister chirped out a puff of vapor every few seconds. Preppy pushed his way past me and set his backpack down on the floor. He opened it and took out some tools. Walking through the rows of plants he inspected each one. Occasionally he used magnifying glass to closely inspect the leaves.

“You’re growing pot?”

“BINGO.”

“In an old lady’s house, you’re growing pot. Why?”

“If you had to guess what it was I was doing here would this have ever entered your mind as a possibility?”

“No.”

“That’s why.”

“So Gladys, too?”

“And several others around town. We pay their mortgages or other bills, or just give them cash if that’s what they want, and in return they let us use a room in their house to grow our plants.”

“So, you aren’t a granny nanny?”

“Was that your second guess? Well, I suppose that’s better than hooker, but no, I’m not a f*cking granny nanny. Although I do make it a point to be friendly with all of our greenhouse contributors. Keeps them happy. Keeps them wanting to do business with us. Keeps the law off our backs.”

“I think I liked it better when I thought you were a hooker.”

Preppy opened his arms wide and looked around the room with pride. “Kid, welcome to my brain-child. Welcome to Granny Growhouse.”

*

“So, that’s what you call your operation? Granny Growhouse?” We were back in the car after another three stops, and Preppy just announced that Betty had been our last stop for the day.

“That’s what I call it. King hates the name, but he hasn’t been back long enough to meet all the ladies and get a feel for it. He’ll come around.”

“You did this while King was in prison?”

“Yeah, kept getting f*cked over by our main supplier who only wanted to deal with King, so I phased them out and started Granny Growhouse. It was how we earned while the big man was away.”

“Have you thought of getting a job?”

“What would you call this?” he asked.

“No, like a real job.”

“Fuck no. Never had a real job a day in my life. Don’t plan on it either. Fuck the man.”

“I don’t know if you are completely odd or oddly brilliant.”

“I can’t decide if you are always this blunt or just have a bad case of can’t-shut-the-f*ck-ups,” he countered.

“It’s an always kind of thing,” I said honestly.

“King sort of has a real job with the tattooing. It’s how he stays under the radar. But he loves it, too. You should see some of his art. It’s f*cking amazing. He’s been doing it since we were kids, using me as his human test dummy.”

It wasn’t until we arrived back at the house, car parked in the garage that I began to dread the reality that awaited me.