KILLING SARAI(56)

In a flash, I’m on the floor on my back and Niklas is crouched on top of me, his hand pressed around my throat, rendering me unable to catch my breath. I claw at his wrist with both of my hands and try to kick him but there’s no way I’m moving from this spot. He glares down at me and moves his hand from my throat to my cheeks, seizing my jaw with his fingers like a vise-grip. With his other hand, he pins my wrists together, forcing them against my chest. He turns my chin to one side and then the other and I taste the chemicals leftover from his aftershave as his index finger presses against the edge of my lips.

“Get off me!” I growl under the weight of his hand.

“Niklas,” Victor says calmly from behind. “Leave her be.”

Niklas’ blue eyes bore into mine and he holds me here in this position for three more excruciatingly long seconds before doing what Victor said.

I try to catch my breath when he releases me, but I think mostly I just hold it longer until he has moved away from me completely.

I raise my back from the floor, but stay sitting on it. I’m so hurt, so outraged at Niklas for the things he said, but my pride hurts worse than anything.

Because I know he’s right.

I look at the floor rather than at either one of them. I don’t want them to see the shame and guilt on my face although it would be evident to anyone that it’s there.

“Niklas,” Victor says calmly, “I am sorry to have compromised you.”

I look up instantly. I feel a mood shift in the room and though I’m not exactly sure which one, I can tell by the pause in Victor’s voice that it’s something life-changing.

“We could devise a plan,” he goes on with Niklas’ undivided attention. “Let Vonnegut believe that Sarai is, in fact, dead—”

“Or we could just kill her to make it true.”

I jerk my head sideways to look at Niklas, who’s looking right back at me with the same condescension.

Victor shakes his head, objecting to his mordant yet entirely serious proposal.

“We could devise a plan together,” Victor continues in the same stoic tone, “or I could do it on my own and you can walk away and not be any part of it.”

Niklas’ eyes grow wide, his body locks up firmly. He seems at a loss for words. And so am I. I may not understand how these kinds of things work in their business, but I don’t really need to know that what Victor just proposed is something very dangerous. It’s suicide.

I manage to pick myself up from the floor.

“You have a choice,” Victor says. “Go along with my plan to tell Vonnegut that she’s dead, or tell him the truth, tell him everything that went on here to secure your place in the Order. I won’t hold it against you. I’ll take her away with me, set her up somewhere so that she can go on with her life. And then I’ll go on with mine. It’s your choice, Niklas. But I won’t kill her, and if Vonnegut finds out that she’s alive he will, rightfully so, question my loyalties. And you know first-hand what happens when any of our loyalties is questioned.”

“Eliminated as a precaution,” I say out loud, though mostly to myself, remembering what Victor said moments ago about why they ordered Niklas dead.

Niklas is in shock. He shakes his head repeatedly as if trying to shake Victor’s treacherous words out of his mind.

“You of all operatives,” Niklas manages to say, “…I don’t understand why you’re doing this, why you would throw away everything and go into hiding—.” He shakes his head again, unable to finish the sentence.

“It wouldn’t be the first time I risked my position and my life to follow my conscience rather than my orders.”

Niklas takes in a deep breath and averts his gaze toward the ceiling. Then he looks at me and we share a moment suspended within this intricate web of lies and contempt and resentment, a moment where, despite all of that, we realize we have something in common: Victor saved us both equally, and for that we are one in the same.

Simultaneously, we look back at Victor.

Niklas finally breaks the thick silence.

“As I have always said, brother, I will never betray you.”

Victor nods and I see the relief hidden within his blue-green eyes. I wonder if he would’ve killed Niklas where he stands if Niklas had chosen to take the alternate route.

“I’m with you,” Niklas says and glances at me once. “Whatever you want to do. But before we do anything we need to figure out who told Javier where you took her.”

When Niklas’ eyes fall on me again they stay there, and I suddenly feel like he’s blaming me.

My eyebrows wrinkle in my forehead. I cross my arms tight over my chest. “Well, I sure as hell didn’t tell him,” I spat. “Don’t look at me like that.”

Victor walks between us and takes me by the wrist, leading me to the nearest chair where I sit willingly. My stomach swims nervously. I look up at both of them, my hands gripping the ends of the chair arms.

“It wasn’t me!”

“I know it wasn’t you,” Victor says. “But I need you to think right now, Sarai. Have you at any time spoken to anyone since you left the compound? Anyone at all. Have you seen anything that maybe didn’t seem right, something seemingly insignificant?”

I shake my head, my index fingers making a nervous circular motion against the cherry wood grain grooves in the design of the chair. “I-I don’t know,” I say breathily, desperately trying to come up with something, anything that he could be looking for.