Jockblocked: A Novel (Gridiron Book 2)(27)

I don’t get more than two reps of my deadlifts in when Hammer bursts through the door.

“Look at this!” He waves his phone excitedly.

“I can’t see a damn thing unless you stop swinging your arm,” I growl and reach up to rip the phone from his hand, but Hammer’s my size and weighs about ten pounds more than me. Plus, I’m sitting, so I have no leverage. He holds the phone out of my reach.

“I see you woke up on the * side of your bed.”

No. I woke up on the good side of my bed with the taste of a dream Lucy still in my mouth. I woke up pretty damn happy with a sizeable morning chub that I rubbed out in the shower before I came here. None of which I tell Hammer. “Just give me the damn phone,” I growl.

“You’re going to have to buy me dinner tonight to make up for your bad attitude.” He hands me the phone.

I ignore him and try to zoom in on the image, which appears to be a tall, brown-haired guy standing next to a girl with blond hair. For a second, I wonder if that’s Lucy, followed quickly by the desire to rip the guy’s arm away, or even off his body if he doesn’t step aside. I give myself a mental head slap for that kind of stupidity and zoom in, but I can’t make out a thing. “Did you take this picture with your phone or a potato?”

“Ah, shit.” He takes the phone back. “It’s dark in there, and I could hear people coming.”

“And ‘there’ is…” I gesture for him to fill in the blank.

He shoves the phone into his pocket. “Ace has two photos in his locker. One is with his parents, but the other is Ace and this girl.”

“Ace has a girl?” Ace isn’t known for taking up every available jersey chaser’s offer, but he doesn’t spend many nights alone. Although during last year’s season, it was a pretty open secret that he was banging Stella Lowe.

“He must, right? Because you don’t hang a picture of a slam piece in your locker. That’s serious girlfriend and wives shit.”

“Okay, but what does Ace having a girlfriend have to do with anything? Given that you didn’t recognize her, she’s his girlfriend from high school or goes to some other college. Is she coming here and going bunny-killing crazy when she finds out that Ace is being…” I pause to choose some other word that means demoted. “…moved to safety.”

Hammer waves his finger in my face. “I never said I didn’t recognize her. This girl goes to Western. I’ve seen her. I think she works at a restaurant. Or a bakery or something like that. I remember her and coffee, which is why you wouldn’t know her, what with your dislike of the nectar of the gods.”

“You’re essentially drinking the sweat of coffee beans, so no thanks.” Why can’t people get their caffeine fix from Red Bull and/or pop?

The pieces finally add up for me. Well, not all of the pieces, but Hammer must think we should cozy up to this girl and enlist her help in convincing Ace that quarterback isn’t his natural position.

“I’m telling you for the thousandth time, it’s not sweat,” Hammer insists.

“The beans are ground up, soaked in heated water, and then you drink the bean-flavored moisture. That’s sweat of the bean, dude.”

Hammer looks frustrated. “The way you talk about coffee is not natural. You know what else is not natural?” I bend over to pick up the weighted barbell and resume my deadlifts, but Hammer continues anyway. “Going two weeks without sex. You’re going to forget what * feels like, and that would be a f*cking tragedy.”

“The tragedy is that you’re both keeping track of my sex life and writing for that women’s magazine. Yet here you are, two articles in and the world still hasn’t stopped spinning.” Last year Hammer got it into his head that he should be an advice columnist, offering his shady advice about males to women. He submitted a couple of articles and they were published online. Now he thinks he’s Emily f*cking Post or some similar shit.

“I was doing research for my next article. It’s on Tantric sex. You heard of that?” He also has the attention span of a gnat.

“No. Regular sex is good for me.”

Hammer continues as if I haven’t said a word. “According to these Tantric sex gurus, you can make a girl come just by breathing on her.”

I raise a skeptical eyebrow. “Breathing? I don’t think any woman is having an orgasm even if I gusted tornado winds into her *.”

“Not with that attitude you won’t.”

I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. Ever since he’s started writing for Monologue, he’s reached new levels of strangeness. I blame it on the so-called research he’s doing for these articles.

“Look, Tantric sex is all about being in tune with your partner. First you clear away all the distractions. Turn off your phones, computers, televisions. Then you sit her on your lap, legs around your waist.” Hammer demonstrates the leg position in the mirror. I huff through two more lifts as he continues. “You stare at each other and every time she breathes, she’s supposed to rock against you. Pretty soon, you’re matching your breathing to hers.” My mind begins to match Hammer’s words with images of Lucy and me in my bedroom. Her long, sexy legs draped on either side of my hips, rocking her wet * against—

I drop the barbell with a clatter. “Will you shut up? I can’t lift 500 pounds with a hard-on.”