Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father(61)

“Father,” Jack starts with his comically twangy accent. He sounds like a parody of a person from the South, honestly. “Please watch over our hearts and minds as we dive into your Word this evening. Please guard our tongues as we discuss the issues that may arise from reading your Word with our human minds.”

He’s good at prayer, though.

We say “Amen,” in unison and everyone opens their Bibles. I always have mine on me now. Honestly, I’ve learned you just never know.

“Okay,” Jack starts the session and nods to me. “First of all, let’s welcome Kennedy and Matt. Glad you guys are here with us. We’re in the Gospel of John, which, to me, is the most exciting and passionate of all the Gospels.”

“Amen,” Jonah replies in earnest agreement. “When I’m feeling lost or far away, I turn here.” He points his finger to the words, and heads bob in agreement.

Mistakenly, my eyes wander to Matt, who is staring at me with a forced lost look on his face. I suppress the chuckle and nod with everyone else. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Matt shake his head and look down to his own Bible.

Trying to be one of them. He’s said it out loud to me once, so I know the thought is running through his head.

Jack opens with a question. “While there’s lots of great stuff we’ll dig into in this Gospel, can any of you tell me some things that are unique about this text in comparison to the other Gospels?”

Pride. Pure, greedy pride bursts through my chest as I shoot my hand in the air.

“Kennedy.” Jack doesn’t sound as surprised as my friends look. He doesn’t know much about me, I’m assuming.

“For starters, how the text itself starts. The other three Gospels start with the birth of Jesus. John’s Gospel starts with the creation of the world, and illustrates—with importance—that Jesus has been around since the time the universe was created. This trickles through the rest of the Gospel,” I’m on a roll, “when we see that Jesus’ deity is emphasized in this book. In the others, it’s his humanity.”

“Oh!” I start again, before anyone else can speak. “The first miracle of Jesus, as described by John, is turning water into wine at that wedding. That’s not discussed in the others. And,” I add in one last thing quickly, “it’s only kind of accepted that the Apostle John wrote it. But it’s highly contested. Apparently.”

My eyes roam the table as I sit back in my seat, and I see a mix of shock from Joy and Silas and pride from my roommates. Jonah looks conflicted, as usual—the poor, broody boy—and Matt only looks at me and mouths, “Seriously?”

“That’s good, Kennedy. Really good. About ninety percent of the Gospel of John is unique compared to the other three. We’re going to spend the next few weeks examining why that might be. We’ll cover some practical reasons, and then get into the debatable ones. First, though, I want us to simply read this text for what it is—and try not to compare it to the others. And we’ll be able to discuss why this Gospel is the go-to Gospel for evangelicals.”

“Because it’s the only one that talks about being born again,” I blurt out without raising my hand. “Sorry,” I whisper.

“Your enthusiasm is refreshing, Kennedy,” Jack says.

“Yeah,” Eden replies. “I had no idea you knew so much about this.”

I shrug. “Pastor Roland had a sermon series on this two or three years ago. I found it really fascinating.”

I remember the series as the first time I transitioned from passive viewer to engaged listener. I’d never in my life heard about the differences between any of the Gospels, let alone one that was so different that, while listening to the series, it seemed odd to me it was included in the group at all. It was the first time I brought the Bible to my computer, googled, and made notes. Something in the words of John’s Gospel stirred inside me that day three years ago.

Until this moment, I’d always thought it was simply my critical mind that fed on the comparisons, the layers of meaning. I’ve always defaulted to digging into any text I read, and for the first time with the Bible, I was given something worth uncovering. I knew I’d never “discover” anything scholars hadn’t already argued to exhaustion, but something about it ignited me.

Admittedly, the Gospel of John is the only text I really know this well. Which is kind of unfortunate since there are books after, written by John as well—if you believe this Gospel was written by John at all—and contextual texts throughout the rest of the New Testament that scholars use to detangle him a bit.

Maybe I could be a Biblical scholar, I think as I daydream for a brief second. If people have been studying it critically for…however long there’s been an actual Bible…then certainly I could make a career about it. And since I’m technically a Christian, but not a “fall down on my face” kind, maybe that will give me a different perspective than those who can’t view the Bible as anything other than absolute truth.

Then I tell myself to calm the crap down. This is all just interesting, not a lifelong mission.

“Two or three years ago?” Joy leans forward, her face toeing the line between interested and annoyed.

“Three,” I confirm. “I think it was one of his last sermons at Grace Covenant Church before he came to New Life. I watched them online.” Then, I dive into a speech I prepared months ago, but haven’t had to use yet. “Even though I went to an Episcopal church, I’ve always been interested in fundamental teachings. Where I live, there aren’t very many churches like that. So I found GCC online and continued watching Pastor Roland after he was hired by New Life.”