Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father(39)

I’m sure I look as horrified as I feel. “You’re kidding. No hand holding?”

Bridgette cracks a wry smile. “No hand holding. But that’s not what I feel God is asking me to do, and my parents and I have prayed a lot about it.”

“Thank you, Jesus,” I intend to say in my head, but verbalize instead. Thankfully, my roommates laugh.

“Also,” Bridgette continues, “courtship isn’t always synonymous with engagement. That’s a TV thing.” She winks at me in apparent recognition of the reality show I’ve been using as my study guide to evangelical relationships. “In my family, it’s basically like dating with a lot more accountability. Chaperones on dates and all that, but we’re not obliged to marry the person.”

I move to speak, but Eden beats me to it. “If you’re planning to wait till marriage to have sex anyway, why do you need a chaperone on a date?”

I nod in approval of this question, shocked that it came from Eden’s mouth.

Bridgette moves so her position is mimicking mine. Knees hugged to chest. “Temptation is sometimes stronger than doing the right thing. I don’t want to get sucked in and then regret. I don’t know if I’ll always need a chaperone, but for now, I just don’t…trust myself.”

Eden nods, apparently accepting this answer. “I get it. With the guys at camp, I would remind myself all the time that I want to wait for marriage. Even if I started staring at a guy for too long.”

For all the trusting my friends say they do in Jesus, they sure seem to trust him very little in this area.

“Can’t we pray for strength to do the right thing?” I ask, stating what I believe to be obvious. “Just ask God to help us always make the right choice?”

“Sin is strong, Kennedy,” Bridgette states with a slight tremble.

“God is stronger.” The words are out of my mouth before I’ve had time to consider them. It’s like they weren’t my words at all. I’m sure I look as shocked as my roommates do.

“I mean,” I try to qualify my lofty-sounding statement, “it’s good to have accountability. None of us are perfect. I just think you guys should give yourselves more credit. And,” I point at Eden, “you need to ask Jonah out on a date.”

She beams from perfectly glossed lips. “Do you think so?”

Giggles fill the room again. “Yes!” Bridgette encourages. “You so totally should! Silas and I could chaperone! We’d get approved in a second since we’re brother and sister.”

“How would I ask him?” The girls are off and running, and I’m feeling slightly left out. I didn’t volunteer to chaperone—since I still think that whole business is bizarre—but I doubt she’d ask me to, anyway.

No. Negative thought.

“I’ll help you ask Jonah out.” I offer the only strength I have in this discussion.

Boys.

“You’ve gone on dates, right?” Bridgette asks me. Sort of asks. It was more of a statement.

I nod. “A couple.”

“Have you kissed a boy?” Eden’s eyes widen in anticipation of my answer.

I nod again. “A couple,” I repeat.

Bridgette leans in and whispers, “What about sex?”

This is a defining moment. I could be as ambiguous here as I’ve been about everything else. I could lie. Or I could tell the truth.

“No. I haven’t had sex.” I decide the truth is best here, since I’m kind of shady everywhere else.

“Are you planning to wait till marriage?” Eden takes over, interrogation style.

I shrug, continuing the honesty. “I’ve really never thought about it.”

They stare at me with a look of fascination and fear, like I’m one of those robotic dinosaurs at a museum. In the museums Bridgette goes to, the dinosaur would probably be eating a person, so the fear part is dialed up a bit.

“You’ve never thought about it?” Bridgette asks.

I shake my head. “No. I swear, the kids here talk way more about sex than they did in my public high school. Sure, it’s all about waiting for it but, honestly, I’ve never heard the word so much. That and sin. Sex and sin. What is that?”

Bridgette and Eden break into laughter, and Bridgette speaks first.

“Oh my word, you’re so right! What is that?”

Neither of us have the answer tonight, it seems, so we continue our chat about boys. I’m doing most of the talking, since they want to know about kissing. Evidently, Eden kissed a boy on the cheek two summers ago on the last day of camp. Her father was less than pleased, but didn’t have a total fit. She intends to be thoroughly kissed by the time she’s married, what with having to wait for sex and all. Bridgette, on the other hand, is currently kiss-free and unsure where she stands on kissing before marriage. At the talk of hand holding, though, her eyes smolder. I make a note to avoid watching the first time I see her hold hands with a boy. By the look on her face, it promises to border on promiscuous.

Still, I feel relaxed and completely unjudged during the kissing discussion. I talk to them about Colin, the boy in seventh grade who kissed me at the school dance, and Xander, my on again-off again boyfriend through high school who kissed me any chance he got. I leave out discussion of Trent, though.