Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father(19)

After we’ve all given our thumbs-up to the charismatic pastor, Eden addresses the group. “Wanna go see if Jonah’s ready and then go grab lunch?”

We all agree, though food is the furthest thing from my mind. Eden wanders over to where the band is gathered and taps Jonah on the shoulder. She points to the group and continues her reign as cruise director, asking him to join us.

“He’ll meet up with us,” she reports when she returns.

I purposely keep my back to the stage as we start up the stairs. Eyes forward, not looking back.

Huh. I wonder if that’s how Roland felt when he signed away his paternal rights.

We’ve never discussed the circumstances surrounding my conception or his fleeing. From what I gather, in our earliest meetings, my mom instructed Roland to not try to explain away anything, to just not talk about my birth at all. He’s stayed true to her wishes—asking only to get to know me as I am now, as an adult. Not what I was then. Whenever we would meet, we’d talk about school, sports…you know, all things you’d discuss with a long-distance relative or friend of the family.

“I’m looking forward to starting classes tomorrow,” I say in an attempt to start a conversation rather than flailing helplessly in one.

As we reach the top of the stairs and head for the exit, Bridgette asks, “What’s everyone’s first class tomorrow?”

“Old Testament,” I answer.

Though it’s a freshman class, I’m nervous. I don’t know anything about the Old Testament after Adam and Eve. Maybe some book names. Exodus? Yes, that’s definitely in the Old Testament. Romans?

Sigh.

I hope Jesus Camp isn’t a prerequisite of for this class, or I might as well not show up.

“Me, too,” Eden adds. “Jonah’s got that, too, I think.”

Of course.

Bridgette giggles. “How perfect.”

“You shush,” Eden commands as her cheeks grow red.

I put my hand on the door to escape the House of Roland, when I hear a familiar voice call up the stairs.

“Kennedy!” I turn to find Maggie, my RA, racing up the stairs after me.

“Hi. I didn’t know you were here this morning.”

She waves her hand. “RAs are required to hear the message their floor charges hear, in case you have questions or whatever. Anyway, Pastor Roland wants to see you.”

My lips part and my cheeks sting with heat. “What? Why?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. He just asked me to catch up with you.”

“I…” I look around at my friends—for lack of a better term—and find a mix of envy, curiosity, and suspicion—brought to us by Joy—on their faces. “Okay.” I sigh and follow Maggie back toward the stage.

“I’ll save you a seat!” Bridgette shouts as I’m halfway down the stairs.

I turn back around, giving her a thumbs-up and a smile before resuming my march.

“What’s this about?” I ask Maggie.

“Don’t be nervous,” she says in a comforting tone, since I’ve already asked that question once. “He’s just a regular guy.”

“Right.” I nod and take a deep breath, reminding myself that Maggie would naturally assume I was nervous about meeting a church superstar.

By now the crowds have thinned and the stage is empty, save for the crew, who are setting up for the next service, and the band, who are still engaged in discussion with Jonah and a couple of other students. Roland is over at the stand, retrieving his iPad. He looks up and smiles at me and Maggie.

“Here she is, sir.”

Roland nods. “Thank you, Maggie. I promise to return her in one piece,” he jokes and she laughs before disappearing backstage.

Still wishing I had pockets—must look for long skirts with pockets—I cross my arms in front of me.

“So…” I shrug and remind myself to keep a smile on. There are too many eyes around; I don’t need anyone thinking I’m disrespecting an esteemed member of their faith community.

Our faith community.

Roland tilts his head to the side a fraction before licking his lips and swallowing. “I’d like to have lunch with you.”

“Naturally,” I scoff and roll my eyes.

“Kennedy.” He takes one step closer and it’s all I can do not to take one back in response.

“Careful,” I whisper. “People are around.” My eyes dart across the stage and land on Jonah, who happens to be eyeing me intensely.

I imagine that to the outside world it must look like I’m being scolded. Reprimanded for my dress or hair or some other detail I don’t have quite right just yet. I wish that were the case.

Roland tucks his iPad under his arm. “I know. Please come to my home.”

“Where’s that?” I look to my shoes for a moment—leather mary janes—needing a break from his sympathetic features.

He hesitates for a moment, as if he hasn’t understood my question. “On the New Life grounds…” he trails off as if he’s waiting for recognition from me.

He gets it. “Oh, right.” I clear my throat and look up. “I forgot that…just…right.”

I know that. I know that he lives in a rather grand estate on the New Life property built for the presiding pastor. I also know that he resides alone, having no wife or other children (that I know of) to speak of. He’s allowed to marry in this faith, and to have children and all of that, but he doesn’t. And I wonder why.