Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father(10)

Pierced eyebrow.

“You said you were from Connecticut?” Bridgette asks, seeming to sense the redheaded stepchild-ness of my placement at the table.

I nod and smile.

“What church do you go to up there?” Silas questions.

I swallow a chunk of avocado, followed by some water, before I answer. “I go to St. Michael’s Episcopal Church in my town.”

Forks drop. Not a lot, but enough that I swear I’m being punk’d. Only I know I’m not. This is real, and just one layer of stuff that separates me from them. Episcopalian kids who want to work for God go to seminaries right out of college, I think. Not schools like this.

“Episcopalian?” the girl on my left says. “In Connecticut?” She looks to the ceiling as she seems to be connecting dots. Finally she looks back at me with a sour expression. “Didn’t the elect a gay bishop two years ago?”

“Oh yeah,” Eden replies. “I remember that.”

Silas shakes his head. “How could you forget? We prayed so hard for that church—that denomination…” he trails off and attends to his food.

All I can think about is my neighbor and his right to marry his partner. They’ve been together for longer than my parents ever were and are raising four children together. If one of them were female, they’d be the perfect family in the eyes surrounding me. But because he isn’t…

Bridgette flashes me a sympathetic smile as the rest of the table seems to take a collective deep breath. I’ll take their sympathy over the disdain I fear is lurking just around the corner.

“So,” Eden hesitates slightly before continuing, “where are you going to go to church now?”

Ah, yes. Another rule highlighting the new mold I must fit into.

Students at Carter University are required to attend a fundamental church during their time as students. On and off campus. This means during weekends at home, and breaks—including summer break. A New England Episcopal church doesn’t make the cut. I don’t even know what a fundamental church actually is. Wikipedia tells me “fundamental” and “evangelical” are synonymous and derive from the Protestant church. However, the Episcopal church is somewhat grouped in with the Protestant church as well, and…well, so far my experience has shown me that I’m not under the same theological umbrella as my classmates.

I shrug. “I’m going to talk to my advisor to see what churches in the area she recommends.” I’ve yet to meet my advisor, but assume this is an appropriate answer.

“You should come home on break with me sometime,” Eden says brightly. “It would be so much fun and you wouldn’t have to worry about backsliding on break.”

I scrunch my eyebrows and run my tongue along the front of my teeth. “What makes you think I’d backslide?” I ask of my cheerleader-like roommate, who seems to think that setting foot on Connecticut soil will cause me to fall into sin.

Eden’s eyes widen as she takes a sharp breath. “No, no,” she puts her hands up in defense, “that’s not what I meant. I just meant—”

She’s cut off by the increasingly annoying girl to my left. “So, what did you do when the church elected that gay bishop?”

“Do?” I whip my head around. “What is there to do?” Heat creeps from my neck into my ears and cheeks as I feel like I’m on the wrong end of some firing squad.

“Guys,” a soft, but firm voice quells the table, “give her a break, huh?”

Swallowing hard, I turn to find Jonah calming the storm.

“She’s here now, isn’t she?” he continues. “Isn’t that all that matters?”

“Sorry,” the still-nameless girl answers with a shrug before clearing her tray and leaving the table.

All that matters? His voice was soothing as he said the words, but their intentions and meaning are lost on me. Still, it was enough, and the crew goes back to eating once again.

I find myself staring at the boy with almost-shaggy hair and skin tanned from a summer in the sun. As his fork approaches his mouth, his eyes shoot to mine.

“Thank you,” I mouth silently before averting my eyes from lips I know I shouldn’t be looking at like that.

A second later, my eyes flicker upward again, and I find him watching me.

“You’re welcome,” he mouths back with a lopsided grin before Silas elbows him and starts asking questions about classes, prayer groups, and who knows what else.

I swallow hard and take a deep breath, wanting desperately to call my mom and have her turn the car around and come pick me up.

I don’t belong here.





CHAPTER FOUR


It is Well


“Ladies, ladies,” our calm and sweet-looking RA says while we settle into place in the common area. She’s trying to calm all the twitters and giggles buzzing through the room.

I’m not part of the cackle. I left my laughter somewhere between Mission Hall and my dorm. Dinner threw me for a loop and I’m still trying to come out of my outsider-haze. It’s ridiculous, I remind myself. Everyone here is nervous on some level, and the more I give in to mine, the more explaining I’ll have to do. It’s not like I worship Satan for Go—

Sigh.

I believe in the same God my classmates do. And, for now, that’s all that matters. I think that’s what Jonah had meant when he came to my social rescue over dinner. I’m operating under the assumption that’s what he meant, though I haven’t talked with him. Dinner ended abruptly when we realized we needed to get back to our rooms to have our first floor meetings with our RAs. Guys off in one direction. Girls in the other.