Jasper Vale (The Edens #4)(54)

Then she’d come home and well . . . I’d missed her.

I wasn’t supposed to miss her.

Fuck, but I was tired. Tired of holding up my hand, keeping her at a distance. Tired of pretending that sex between us was our only connection.

“El.”

“Jas.” She propped her chin on the hand over my chest while the other kept drawing those circles. Across my jaw, then over my cheekbone to my eyes. She skimmed my lashes, then flitted over the line of my nose before tracing my lips.

The defeat and frustration were gone from her gaze. Another flash of lightning brightened the room, making those blue irises flare.

She’d asked me to talk to her. To try.

I loved that she knew it wasn’t easy for me. And for that, I’d try.

“My ex-wife. Her name is Samantha.” This was either the best or worst place to start explaining the disaster that was my family and first marriage. “My parents are close friends with hers, so I’ve known her since we were kids. And I loved her for most of that time too.”

Eloise stiffened. The tracing stopped.

So I clasped her hand, drawing the circles for her until she took over again.

“I grew up in Potomac, Maryland. My mother is in politics. She’s an advisor to some powerful officials. And she works on campaigns. During election years, Mom was practically a ghost. The one year when the senator she was advising lost, well . . . let’s just say she stayed in her wing of the house, and I stayed in mine.”

“Your wing?” Eloise’s eyes widened.

“My father is in political fundraising, but he comes from money.” Extreme money. That money had paid for their lives, though both had well-paying jobs. “Because money was never the issue, they work because they love to work.” And the notoriety. They craved the spotlight.

“That doesn’t sound like such a bad thing.”

“Unless you’re their son. And you were born out of obligation, not love.”

The tracing stopped again, but this time, I didn’t make her start again. “What do you mean, obligation?”

I shrugged. “Rich, powerful families have heirs. Heaven forbid all their money go to someone who might actually need it.”

Instead, their fortunes were spent on properties across the globe. On homes like my childhood mansion, which was thirty times the size of what three people might need. I hadn’t been back to Potomac in years. If that red-brick monstrosity with its sprawling green lawns and sweeping gardens ever became mine, I’d gladly sell it and donate the proceeds to charity.

“It’s not that my parents were cruel,” I told Eloise. “I can’t remember a time when I was reprimanded by my mother or father. They didn’t abuse me. They didn’t resent me. They were just . . . disinterested.” Wholly and utterly disinterested.

“How could they be disinterested? You’re their child.”

“They just were.” I understood the confusion on her face. For a woman like Eloise, who had a family like hers, it was hard for her to comprehend. “You know how at that dinner at the ranch, there was barely a second of space in the conversation?”

“Yeah.”

“Imagine the exact opposite. That was my childhood.”

She frowned. “Oh.”

“Mom and Dad are both eloquent people. Put them at a gala or in front of a journalist, you’ll see two well-spoken people who will charm anyone in minutes. You wouldn’t think that if you put them at a table with their only son, that would be different. But it’s like they have on and off switches.”

“And for you, it’s off.”

“Yeah.” The pain in her face, the sympathy, made my heart ache. “Don’t be sad, angel. I had every luxury in the world as a kid.” Nannies to dote on me. Tutors to ensure I was at the top of my class. Chefs to make me whatever food I desired.

“Luxury is not a replacement for love, Jasper.”

“No, it isn’t.” Money wasn’t affection. “But until Samantha moved to Maryland, I didn’t know any better.”

Eloise shifted, like hearing Samantha’s name made her uncomfortable. I held her to me, needing to feel her skin against my own after too many days away.

“Samantha’s father is also in politics,” I said. “They moved from New York City to Potomac when I was ten. Dad and John met through work and became friends. Mom and Ashley hit it off too, and from then on out, if there was an activity or function, our families did it together. I preferred it that way. When John and Ashley were around, my parents were flipped on. And I had Samantha. She was my first everything. Crush. Kiss. We lost our virginity to each other at fourteen.”

Eloise dropped her gaze, staring blankly over my shoulder to the pillow.

“What?” I asked.

“Just . . . jealous.”

Fuck, but I loved that she could lay it out there. That she didn’t hide it from me.

If our positions were reversed, I wasn’t sure I could hear about her past lovers. Hell, the day at the ranch when she’d told me about the guys she’d brought home had been hard enough.

“Are her parents like yours?” she asked. “Disinterested?”

“Yes and no,” I said. “Ashley is a surgeon and constantly at the hospital. John works even more than my dad. I don’t doubt that they love Sam. But she was always second priority. We had that in common. We gave the attention we each craved to one another.”