Jack and Djinn (The Houri Legends, #1)(18)

Miriam took a deep breath and stood up with her arms crossed over her chest. Her shirt and bra were on the other side of the counter, and she knew if she got too close to Jack, she’d be right back in his strong, tender arms. “You’re everything I could want. You’re sexy, kind, and you obviously like me—”

Jack laughed, a bark of disbelief. “Yeah, I obviously like you, Miriam. That’s all this is, clearly—”

Miriam cut him off. “Let me finish, please. I want you, so bad. God…why do you think I’m over here, with the counter between us? If I get too close to you, it’ll all be over. I’ll have you in my bed within seconds.”

Jack tried to round the corner of the counter, but Miriam skittered back to thump against the cold surface of the fridge, her hands not quite touching his chest as he stood a few inches away.

“No, please. Just listen. We can’t do this, not this way. We can’t be together behind Ben’s back. I can’t and won’t do that. I’ve been cheated on more times than I can count, and I hate it. I won’t do it to someone else. I’ve already been dishonest just by kissing you. By going out with you. If you want to be with me, then you’ll wait, and you’ll help me figure out a way to break up with Ben.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, and it’ll probably piss you off, but it’s just the facts. If Ben catches a whiff of this, if Ben sees you with me, he’ll kill you. I mean that literally. He did two tours in Afghanistan, and he just didn’t come back the same. Something inside him just…didn’t survive the war, even if he did come back physically intact. The drinking and hitting me, all that…he was like that before, just not so bad. It’s gotten worse in the last year since he’s been back. His dad knocked his mom around, and that’s a learned thing, I think. If you see your dad hit your mom, you either do the same thing, or you do the complete opposite. What I’m talking about with Ben, it’s hidden deep inside. You don’t see it, but it’s there. I’ve seen glimpses of it, in the worst moments. A cold kind of craziness.”

Jack handed Miriam her bra and shirt, then turned around to face away from her. “I guess that makes sense,” he said.

“Why did you turn around? You’ve already seen me,” Miriam said.

“Yeah, but if I look at you now, it’ll make it harder to keep my hands to myself. So put your shirt on, if this is how you want things.” He wasn’t angry anymore, but he was frustrated.

He turned back when Miriam gave the okay, and she could see that the evidence of his frustration still bulged against the zipper of his jeans. She forced herself to look away. She took a pair of Bud Light bottles from the fridge, opened them, and gave one to Jack. They went outside and sat on the bottom step, drinking as they talked.

“It’s not how I want things, Jack. It’s how they have to be, for right now at least. There’s literally nothing I want more in the whole world than to be with you. In every way, I would love to be with you. Please believe that. I can’t get you out of my head. I want you. I swear I do. But not like this, not in secret.”

Jack seemed perfect in every way, and she didn’t want that to change, as she knew it would the second she slept with him. All men changed after they got what they wanted. It was just life as far as Miriam knew.

The thing that scared Miriam was how inevitable it all was. As if she had no intention of not sleeping with Jack. She examined her thoughts with ruthless honesty: It was inevitable, she realized. She wanted him, and she would have him. She just hoped she wasn’t setting herself up for worse hurt.

“I’m really sorry, Jack,” she said.

He was quiet for a long moment. “For what?” he asked, resignation in his voice. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I’ve been cheated on, too, and I don’t want it like this, either. I don’t want to start a relationship on the wrong foot. I’ve done it before, and it…it sucks.”

She laughed, a little nervously. A relationship? “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I meant.” Jack glanced at her quizzically. “I meant I’m sorry for leaving you…frustrated.”

Jack laughed, shrugging, and took a long drink. “Oh, that,” he said. “I’ll be fine. I mean, it sucks, yeah. But I’ll live. Just promise me one thing.”

“I hate making promises, Jack. But I’ll try.” Promises made only led to promises broken.

“Until we can be together, let’s not let things go that far.” Jack drained the beer and set it down.

“Hey, you started it,” Miriam said. “I won’t promise, but I’ll try.” Jack put the lie to his own words by kissing her, so lightly it was almost a breath of wind against her face. “No fair,” she whispered. She started to say something and then froze, listening; she was sure she heard the revving of a powerful engine and the squealing of tires not far away. It was Ben; she could feel it in her belly and in her bones. She jumped up and pushed at Jack, panic in her eyes. “Go! He’s coming. I know it. He can’t see you here.”

“Maybe we should just confront him,” Jack suggested, all but being shoved onto his bike, helmet in hand.

“No. That’s not the way to do this. I’ll think of something. Just go.” She watched him reluctantly put on his helmet and ride away, waving once as he pulled out onto the road. She left her unfinished beer next to Jack’s and went back inside the apartment, locking the door, thinking of Jack and preparing for the worst.