It's All Relative(71)

Jessie took a step, then paused. She hated the fact that she was fleeing from her cousin. This had been her idea. How did she think it was going to feel when Kai started seeing someone? And not just anyone either, but her roommate, one of her best friends. A best friend who was chatty, and who liked to delve into the TMI zone all too often. And now April’s too-much-information involved a man who possessed such warmth, graciousness, and caring, not to mention the most incredible set of tropical eyes, that it made Jessie’s heart ache.

“Jessie?”

Turning at the sound of her name, Jessie came face to face with those amazing eyes again. Kai was coming through the back door, his brow furrowed in concern as he watched her. Jessie wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing still, debating if she should leave or not. The butterflies in her stomach flew up to her heart and her nerves began to sizzle her skin.

Titling his head, Kai quickly glanced back at where Grams was still poking around in the greenhouse. Softly closing the door, he walked up to Jessie in the middle of the kitchen. “What were you doing?”

Jessie exhaled softly; her breath came out stuttered, and she couldn’t quite relax. Thinking about how to avoid seeing you. She thought it, but couldn’t say it to his face. Hating the tension that she could feel building between them, she gave him an awkward smile; all she could see when she looked at him was April’s lips against his. “I was just wondering where the two of you were.”

Kai stepped in front of her. Looking down at her tense body, he let out a soft sigh. “April told you, didn’t she?” Jessie felt the tears reappearing and looked away. Why did he have to bring it up? Jessie was willing to pretend she was ignorant. A forlorn sound escaped Kai’s lips and touching the edge of her jaw, he turned her chin back to him. “Jessie, I’m so sorry. Did she tell you everything?” he whispered, his eyes as remorseful as his voice.

Jessie could only nod. His fingers on her face burned through her body, and she hated it. Hated how much he still electrified her, how much she still wanted to be in his arms. At any given point in the day, Kai’s arms were where she wanted to be…and that wasn’t helping anything.

After another second of silence, Kai wrapped his arms around her. Jessie closed her eyes; her body was finally getting what it was craving. Her heart and mind weren’t as thrilled, however. She couldn’t have him like this, and it would only hurt them more in the end to let it continue. Even still, she couldn’t make herself pull away.

Into her hair, Kai muttered, “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to hear about it. I wish I could tell her to not say anything to you, but she wouldn’t understand why. I’m so sorry.”

At hearing the ache in his voice, Jessie finally pulled away, but just to look up into his eyes. She left his arms wrapped around her and was a little surprised to find that her arms had slipped around his neck; she didn’t remember doing that. “You don’t need to apologize to me, Kai.” She shrugged and looked down. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

His head came down to touch hers, their foreheads resting together. Gently rocking against her, he whispered, “I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like I’m…betraying you.”

Jessie pulled back to stare at him, surprised that he would feel that strongly about what he was doing. It made her feel even worse. He shouldn’t feel guilty about seeing someone, not when the two of them were only family. That was all they could be, and she didn’t want him to forever feel guilty for moving on.

She brought a hand to his cheek as he averted his eyes from her. “You’re not betraying me, Kai. You’re doing what I asked. You’re doing the right thing.” His eyes hesitantly came back to hers, and his arms around her tightened. Jessie swallowed and said what she didn’t really feel. “You should keep pursuing this with April. The two of you could be great together.” Stroking his face with her thumb, she added in a whisper, “This thing between you and me…will pass.”

Kai closed his eyes and swallowed, like he hadn’t wanted to hear that. Jessie felt the same way; she hadn’t wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him to never see April again. She wanted to tell him that they could run away, be ostracized from their families and friends, find a way to be together. But even then, the thought of knowingly being with her cousin…it made Jessie ill. She couldn’t. As right as it felt, it still made her feel sick.

Kai opened his eyes, but kept his gaze down, studying the inch or so between their bodies. “Still, you shouldn’t have to hear about it, and I’m sorry for that.”

Hating where her thoughts had been, hating where she could feel them starting to go, Jessie stepped into Kai’s embrace, closing every gap between them. Sighing into his ear, she ran a hand through his hair. “It’s okay. I like April. I like you. I want you both to be happy.” With a shudder, Kai nodded. Idly, Jessie wondered if this was making any of them happy.

After a few long, silent moments, they stepped away from each other. As their fingers disconnected, Jessie felt her heart crack into jagged pieces. Staring at each other, a couple of feet apart now, Kai broke the stillness with a painful question. “What about you? Shouldn’t you be happy?”

His eyes searched hers and Jessie answered with a noncommittal shrug; his happiness mattered more to her anyway. With an unsatisfied frown, Kai shook his head. “Maybe you should start seeing someone, too. I mean you shouldn’t have to be alone…through this. Maybe if you were dating, it would make it easier…for both of us.”