It's All Relative(148)

He’d kept repeating it to him over and over. Kai wasn’t sure why at the time, and wished he’d been able to stop, since he’d managed to bring his father to tears, but he thought he finally understood. Kai hadn’t been assuring his father, he’d been trying to assure himself.

A piece of Kai, a dark piece that he didn’t like to look at, was afraid that the man who’d raised him…would abandon him now. Kai’s logical brain immediately discounted the idea. After all, if that were really going to happen, it would have happened when Kai was a teenager. If Nate Harper was going to turn his back on him, like he had his marriage, he would have done it years ago, when Kai was young. But logic doesn’t always win, and the fear was still there…a lingering worry bubbling to the surface.

Kai supposed that no matter how old a person got the fear of being abandoned, of being rejected by those who were loved the most, was always tucked away in some tragic corner of the soul, where all childhood fears reside. Most people spent every day ignoring those fears, discounting them as readily as they discounted the Boogie Man and the monster under the bed. But when they slipped out, when they found a chink in the armor of who a person was, like a noxious weed, they took hold.

Kai swallowed his drink and rolled his eyes at his own dramatic inner monologue. He glanced over at Jessie to see her eyes were closed; her face was relaxed. She looked a little tired, but that was to be expected after all the ups and downs they’d had recently. Clutching her hand, he was relieved to know that things would probably mellow out from here. Jessie didn’t open her eyes, but she smiled when she felt his skin against hers. She loved being close to him, same as he loved being close to her.

Glancing down her body, his eyes rested on her flat stomach. Intrigued by the idea he’d haphazardly tossed out to his mother, he imagined her stomach full of life. His life, his child. While the thought had once appalled him, it warmed him now. Kai had always pictured himself having children in the future, he’d just never been sure who he would have them with. He was sure now. While he’d mainly been joking with his mother, it was something he wanted, something he wanted with Jessie. Maybe not right away, but someday.

Bringing her left hand to his lips, he also imagined placing a ring on her finger. He wanted that too. Now that the option was open to him, it was really all he could think about. They still needed to break the news to her parents, since they were still under the impression that Kai was a cousin, but after everything that Kai had been through lately, he felt sure they could do it.

Jessie looked over at him as his lips rubbed back and forth over the finger he so wanted to encircle. Her dark eyes swept over his features. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

His gaze lingered on those luscious lips for a second before he answered. Biting back a smile, he shook his head. “I was just thinking that it’s legal for first cousins to get married in Hawaii.”

Her eyes widened, and she grinned. “I see…that’s interesting that you know that.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and Kai laughed. “I had a good reason to look it up.”

Jessie laughed then sighed contently. “You see us getting married one day?” she asked, her fingers coming up to stroke his cheek.

Closing his eyes, Kai leaned into her touch. “Yes,” he said, reopening them “Don’t you?”

Color stained her cheeks a beautiful shade of pink as she nodded. “Yeah…someday.”

Smiling, he rested his head against hers. “I know legally we’re probably still cousins. If we want to get married without all the…complications, there are probably a ton of hoops we’ll have to go through. I don’t know what they might be, and we might need legal help to prove we’re not related. But maybe it’s as easy as having my birth certificate changed to show that Nate Harper isn’t biologically my father?” Kai shook his head, making their noses brush together. “I kind of hate the thought of doing that, but I would gladly go through with it to freely be your husband. Regardless of the obstacles, I want that future with you. I want you to be my wife.”

He pulled back to look at her, and her eyes were wet with tears. Moving her hand from his face, he clenched it tight. “I love you, Jessie…always.”

She smiled as the tears dripped down her cheeks. “I love you, too.”

They leaned in for a series of light, soft kisses that made Kai feel a little dizzy. When they withdrew, Jessie raised an eyebrow at him. “Most of our extended family will still think we’re related.”

Kai shrugged, not caring anymore. “Let them. We know the truth. Besides, it’s just the multitude of aunts, uncles, and cousins that we never see anyway. We only ever hear about them in Gran’s Christmas letter.” Kissing her softly, he smiled. “Our close family will know the truth. And they’ll accept us because they love us.”

“We’ll need to stop referring to ourselves as cousins around other people then. This might freak them out.” She leaned over and gave him a soft kiss as she ran a hand through his hair.

Kai laughed, deep in his throat. “It will be our inside joke.” Jessie giggled and laughing with her, Kai returned himself to where he most wanted to be in this world…her lips.

Once they were back in the city Kai was nearly as fond of as the one he’d left behind, he again felt fueled with direction and purpose. He knew where his life was going again, and that was a comfort that he drew a tremendous amount of strength from. He would remain here in Denver, working with Mason, learning from the man who academically inspired him. He would help Jessie take care of Gran, making sure she stayed strong, healthy, and independent for as long as she could. And he and Jessie…they would share every aspect of their lives with each other, and he would be the best boyfriend, lover, and friend Jessie could ever dream of having. Kai would make her forget that any other man had ever existed before him.