Interim(112)

“I deserved it,” she breathed. “All of it.”

“Don’t say that.”

Casey yanked her hand back. “No no, it’s true! I deserved to be treated like that. I am wicked. I wished for all sorts of horrible things to happen to my parents when they divorced.” Her mouth curled into a maniacal smile. “But the joke’s on me, see? The horrible things happened to me!”

“STOP IT!” Regan roared.

Casey flinched and jerked, knocking over the cup of tea. They sat in silence as Regan swiped the counter with paper towels then moved to the stove to reheat the water.

“How do I make it right?” Casey asked.

“I really don’t know,” Regan replied.

“Should I make a list of everyone I’ve hurt and apologize to them?”

“If you think that’s right,” Regan said.

Pause.

“Do you hate me, Regan? Leave our history out of it. Think about the last several months.” Casey paused. “Now, do you hate me?”

“I could never hate you,” Regan said. “You’re my best friend.”

Casey blinked. A single tear traversed her cheek.

“Still?”

“Still.”

They stared at one another until the kettle screamed. Regan poured Casey a fresh cup and handed it to her.

“Thank you,” Casey whispered.

Regan smiled. “Sugar?”

“No, I meant thank you for not hating me,” Casey said.

Regan thought a moment. “Did I really control our friendship?”

Casey shook her head.

“I feel like what you said was partially true—that I have a tendency to dictate.”

“You didn’t dictate my life. I chose to be your weird friend and have weird clubs with you and talk about weird shit all the time.”

Regan chuckled.

“And I loved it. I keep going over and over this in my brain. Why did I wake up one day in middle school longing to be part of the very group that picked on me so much? What was I looking for? I can’t blame it on feeling lost because of my parents. Yeah, they were fighting then, but there was no mention of divorce yet.”

Regan listened.

Casey chewed her nail. “I thought there would be opportunities. You know? Being able to have experiences I wouldn’t have had if I remained on the outside.”

Regan nodded.

“Is that how you felt?”

“No,” Regan said. “I was just tired of fighting. I gave up and gave in.”

“It wasn’t always so bad, though, right? I mean, did we completely ruin high school for ourselves?” Casey asked.

Regan shook her head. “No, but I do think it could have been a hell of a lot better.”

Casey considered this. “I wanna be better.”

Regan automatically thought of Hannah’s response to her same statement many months ago.

“Then just do it. Be better.”

Casey furrowed her brows, and then her face lit up. She nodded, and Regan watched her lips spread into a brilliant smile. It was a smile that said, “Today, I’m changed.”

“I’m not scared,” she said defiantly. “I’m not.”

“I believe you,” Regan replied.

“And I’m gonna make it right,” Casey went on. “I don’t know how, but I’m slated for Brown. I can figure this shit out.”

Regan laughed.

“Regan, it wasn’t even hard to break free—to let go. It wasn’t even hard. The moment you walked away, I wanted to walk away, too. I was too scared then. But once I made the decision on my own, it was so easy. It was like coming up for air.”

Regan lifted her palm. “Come on. Slap it.”

Casey laughed and smacked her hand.

Regan moved to the sink to wash the tea cups. Casey hopped up and grabbed a tea towel to dry.

“Wanna spend the night?”

“You want me to?” Casey asked.

“Well, don’t you think we’ve got a lot of catching up to do?”

Casey nodded. “Tons.”

Regan handed her a clean spoon to dry.

“I think it’s great you’re dating Jeremy,” Casey said, dumping the spoon in the appropriate drawer.

“You do?”

“Mmhmm. You’re both kind of weird. It fits. Plus, you seem to really make him happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile at school until you started hanging out with him.”