Infini (Aerial Ethereal #2)(137)
A long moment passes. It’s an awkward beat, and the more we stare at one another, I think he’s looking at me differently.
The answer hits my head—why he’s being so cool with me. I give him a look, setting down my beef patty.
“What?” he asks.
“Don’t pity me,” I tell him. “I’m the same guy you disliked. I haven’t changed. I’ve been the same person.”
He shakes his head. “I thought you were an adrenaline junkie who stole crap for the hell of it.” He heard about my childhood trauma from Geoffrey in that auditorium. He’s had a couple months to reevaluate who I am.
I’m still Luka Kotova.
A kleptomaniac.
A bulimic.
And I’m more than that. I’m a brother to five siblings. A fourth generation circus performer and a high-risk acrobat. I’m Russian-American, a proud Kotova. A dreamer and a rebel.
“Look,” I try to explain, “it doesn’t change the fact that I steal. It’s still wrong.”
“It changes something.”
No. I don’t want it to. Here’s why. “When I was a kid,” I say slowly, these words edging to the forefront of my brain, “my therapist used to tell me that I need to be accountable for my actions. If I get caught stealing, I can’t just blame it on my issues. I have to take responsibility. I could’ve turned around, set the item back—I could’ve paused one moment longer, and I have to try to be better.” I capture his methodical gaze. “I don’t want it to be okay with you that I steal, is what I’m saying. Because it never was before.”
He understands, clarity flooding his eyes.
I wonder if Bay told him that I found a therapist in Vegas.
I’m going once a week. It’s more expensive than I really like, but I forgot how much it helps. I can’t really put a price value on my health. So Baylee tells me.
Brenden sits back. “Where does this leave you and me?”
We hear commotion in the hallway, our heads turning slightly. Dimitri is inbound. He must’ve taken a piss break.
Brenden and I acknowledge each other again. The awkwardness is literally still there. I don’t think it’ll ever leave. Maybe that’s just how the two of us are meant to be together. Awkward.
I almost laugh. “I like how we were before. In New York, before I got caught with Bay.” We weren’t friends, but we were cool enough to play board games together. For him to share his family moments with me—I was a part of his world.
That’s all I’d want.
His smile gradually appears. “I did too.”
I think we’ll be able to return to that.
“Princess!” Dimitri calls across the lounge area. Our heads swing to the right. Camila is with her boyfriend, Craig.
He’s a redhead. That’s all I can hone in on. Dimitri looks like a kid in a candy store, grinning from ear-to-ear as Camila’s eyes grow like a deer caught in headlights.
Brenden says, “He has no chill.”
I nod in agreement as we stand. I grab my beef patty and pocket my notebook. By the entrance to the ballroom, Dimitri extends his palm to Craig.
“Dimitri,” he says, “Camila’s friend.”
Craig reluctantly shakes. “She’s never mentioned you before.”
“Probably because she nicknamed me.” Dimitri doesn’t say that the nickname is tiniest dick—and it’s not for the obvious reason. He’s not embarrassed. He just doesn’t want Camila to be in hot water with her boyfriend by mentioning his dick.
It’s why Dimitri isn’t peacocking. He’s assessing Craig like he’s learning more about Camila by meeting him. Nothing more than that.
Camila sees me nearing. “Hey, cool brother.”
I nod to her in reply, eating the last of my patty that’s stuffed full of beef. I can definitely imagine Bay melting in heaven when she took a bite of hers.
Craig looks irritated. “Let’s go, Camila. I don’t want to be here all night.”
Camila sighs lightly, and she smiles at Dimtiri. “See you Saturday.”
“See you, princess.”
They are really friends. Been that way since the summer.
Brenden looks to me as we walk. “I meant to ask you. Did you ever figure out why you were put in Infini with Bay?”
“No clue.”
“Little Kotova,” Dimitri says as we reach the door. Craig and Camila already disappeared inside the ballroom.
“What?”
He cocks his head, and I figure out that he just heard Brenden.
“Do you know why I was put in Infini?” I sway back, surprised. Has he known this whole fucking time?
“Have you ever asked Sergei about himself? Not if he’s a titty or ass guy or likes to rub it out in bed or the shower.” Only Dimitri has to clarify that he’s not talking about body parts or sex. “His hobbies. His interests.”
“I…” (No, I haven’t.)
Dimitri pats my shoulder. “Start there.”
Act Fifty-One
Luka Kotova
I beeline for Sergei in the ballroom, skirting past clustered groups of people and ten-foot fir trees. My brain churns through weeks, months, nearly a year with Sergei—and I still can’t comprehend why he’d have this answer that’s always eluded me and Bay.