Indigo Nights (Nights #3)(65)

I didn’t understand why he hadn’t told me, but I wasn’t about to ask him for an explanation. I needed space. He was so seductive, and I wanted not to be feeling like this so badly, that I didn’t trust myself to stop and hear an explanation.

There was no point; whatever my heart might want, my logical brain couldn’t be convinced. I’d caught him in several lies, and after I’d told him how important honesty was to me. My heart twisted—walking away would be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but was exactly what I had to do.

I couldn’t be the woman I was with Louis, grasping for explanations, holding on to the impossible because I had to hold on to him at any cost. I would never be like that with a man again. I’d never be such a fool.

“Beth, please just wait a second,” he said as I handed my boarding pass and passport to the flight attendant. “Alicia came to the office and refused to leave unless I went to lunch with her. It was entirely unexpected, and I would have told you as soon as I saw you. I wasn’t hiding anything.”

Unable to digest what he was saying, I glanced up at him. I shouldn’t have. I could drown in those indigo eyes. They were misleadingly kind. I looked away, desperate to have some distance so I could keep my clear head. I needed to be in London. I’d debated going to a meeting before I left Chicago, but called my sponsor instead and cried for thirty minutes solid before I could explain to her what had happened. It’d felt surprisingly good to tell someone about it. How betrayed I felt. How much I loved him. How stupid I felt. How much I wanted it to have never happened. I didn’t say any of that when I’d called Jake after to tell him I was okay and on my way home.

I was going to be okay. I wasn’t going to drink, and I didn’t want him to worry if Dylan did something stupid and called him before I did.

My first instinct wasn’t to bury my feelings with alcohol, which was both shocking and comforting. What I wanted was to run home, not to get shitfaced. I guess that was what people called progress. I clung to that feeling as Dylan kept talking.

“Beth, please look at me. I need you to understand how sorry I am. I can explain it all. Can you just stay?”

I wanted to sink against his hard body and feel his arms smooth over my back, but I knew I couldn’t think about that, not now.

The flight attendant handed me my boarding pass and passport. I smiled and turned to Dylan.

“I believe you’re sorry that you got caught. At least I found out who you were before I got in too deep.” I walked way. It had been my turn to lie. It hadn’t happened before I got in too deep. I was way out of my depth and drowning.

Dylan shouted after me, “Beth, don’t say that. Don’t pretend you’re not in this as deep as I am. Please don’t leave.”

When I knew I was out of sight, I stopped. I couldn’t take another step. Crashing sideways into the wall, I slid to the floor, sobs shaking my body.

I cried because I felt foolish and I was embarrassed for having been so easily taken in. But most of all I cried because I’d never see him again.

I loved him. And I knew I’d love him for the rest of my life.

How long would it take for that to pass? I’d never fallen for anyone like I’d fallen for Dylan. He’d made all my previous encounters feel so meaningless. If only he could have been the man I thought he was.

When I heard footsteps behind me, I pulled myself up. Just a few more steps and I’d be on my way home and able to start rebuilding myself once more.



“I just got through security, and I can’t face public transport. I look like I’ve been crying for nine hours straight.” I wore my sunglasses despite the fact that it was the middle of a gray winter’s day.

“I could have come to get you. I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” Jake said.

I headed toward the taxi line. “Don’t be. I’m not in the mood for company. I just want to go home, shower and go to bed.”

“And you’ll come over for dinner tonight? You know if you don’t Haven will just come to you. If you come here at least you can leave when you want to.”

It was the last thing I wanted to do, but Jake was right; Haven would insist on coming over and I knew my brother would only worry if I stayed home and felt sorry for myself. “Okay. I’ll come to yours, but I’m not bringing anything. There’s no way I’m baking.”

“No, that’s fine.”

“Can you make sure you have cake? And ice cream?”

“You’ve met my carboholic wife. We have both at all times. We just never tell you about the store-bought cake in the fridge.”

I managed to smile slightly. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

The journey to my flat passed in a nanosecond. Whether it was warp speed or sleep, I wasn’t questioning it. I just needed a shower and my duvet.

As I opened my purse Dylan’s scent hit me. The woodsy, masculine smell that his skin had, which was always so comforting. I couldn’t stop the tears as they rolled down my cheeks.

I stripped off what I was wearing and set the wash to hot, naked as the day I was born. I loved how comfortable Dylan was naked and how his attitude encouraged me to be more accepting of myself.

I needed a shower so I scooted into the bathroom, covering my chest with my crossed arms just as Dylan hated me to do. A good shower could cure almost anything.