In the Stillness(44)

“It still hurts.” Ryker picked his head up, and I noticed his lips were pale and his pupils looked kind of funny.

“What hurts?” I knew he wasn’t just talking about his shoulder.

“Everything. Luke, you . . .”

“Ryker, when did you pick up that prescription?” I anchored my heels in the doorway, hoping to catch someone as they walked by.

“Huh?” Ryker shook his head as he seemed to try to understand me.

My chest heaved under my erratic breaths. “Ryker, how many of those pills did you take today?”

He chuckled, followed by a low growl, “All of them.” Ryker looked up and must have seen the fear on my face because he leapt to his feet and met me at the door. “Shh,” he whispered, putting his finger to my lips, “you can’t say anything. I’ll get in so much trouble, Nat . . .”

Taking a step back, I scavenged through my brain to remember the quickest way outside, as our room was almost in the middle of the hallway.

I swallowed hard. “Did you take all of them at once?” The realization nearly crushed me.

He nodded, “Mmhmm, and pretty soon I’ll fall asleep, and this will have all just been a bad dream . . .” He stumbled backward for a second and that’s when I made my break for it.

“Help!” I screamed as I ran down the hallway. It didn’t take long for Ryker to chase after me, though his steps were clumsy. I was afraid he was going to drop dead right in the hallway.

“Natalie, stop!” Ryker caught up to me by the time I reached the stairwell. No one had come out of their rooms, and I made a mental note to bitch-slap every single one of them.

“Ryker, I’m going downstairs and I’m calling the police. You swallowed a bottle of pills!”

He grabbed my arm and twisted it so hard that I couldn’t move it if I tried. “Don’t. Don’t do that. I’ll be fine. I’ve been swallowing these like candy for months, they’re useless . . .”

Then, it all became clear. The mood swings, the memory loss, the odd behavior. Not only did he have PTSD, he was also self-medicating with painkillers.

“Ryker, you’ve never taken a whole bottle at once. You’re going to die!” My voice came out in shrieks from a combination of fear and pain.

“If you call the police, Natalie, I’ll be f*cking screwed. Don’t do that to me!” he growled. “What the f*ck is this?” He suddenly focused on my arm, all my cuts bared for him to see.

“Nothing. Ryker, please let go—”

He squeezed harder as he spoke. “Did you do this? Did you do this to yourself?”

Instinct took over and I drove my knee upward into his groin. Instantly, he released my arm and bent over at the waist, a string of curses spilling from his lips. I ran. I made it down a flight and a half of stairs before I heard him trail behind me, and I knew I had to do something. I wasn’t going to make it to a phone in time, so I pulled the nearest fire alarm I came across.

“You bitch!” Ryker yelled as he caught up to me, grabbing me again, ten steps from the main floor.

“Let go of me!” I screamed above the blaring alarm.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?” Ryker was nearly nose-to-nose with me, pulling me back as I was trying to get away. I’ve never been so scared in all my life.

Finally, I tugged hard enough. Too hard. My arm slipped out of Ryker’s sweaty grip with the force of my pull behind it, and I went into a free-fall backward down the stairs. I remember hitting the ground, but I don’t remember if it hurt because I blacked out, only to wake up in the hospital a few hours later.

*

“Hey, where’d you go?” Tosha asks as we pull into Atkins’ parking lot.

An involuntary chill spreads over my body. “I was just thinking about the night Ryker almost OD’d. God, that was f*cking scary . . .”

Tosha puts her car in park. “Yeah, that was bad. Interesting, though, that that’s how you refer to that night and not, say, the night you almost busted your skull and I didn’t see you again for like eight months.” She doesn’t seem to know what else to say. What is there, really?

“I don’t love him, Tosha.”

“Who?”

“Eric. I don’t love him and I told him so.” I rest my head against the window.

“What’d he say?”

I shrug. “Nothing.”

She reaches across and places her hand on my knee. “Guess that says more than if he’d fought, huh?”

“Mmhmm.” I nod.

“So what do you want to do?”

I pick up my head and give her a tired chuckle. “Let’s go get some f*cking squash and strawberries.”





Chapter 22





Stepping out of Tosha’s car, I pause a moment with my eyes closed and chin lifted to the sky to let the sun invigorate me. When I lower my head and open my eyes, I’m staring at a produce truck that causes my head to spin a little.

“Tosh, look.” I elbow her and point to the truck that says “Manning Farms” on the side. No one in Ryker’s family farms, but seeing his last name is just the cherry on the day.

“Okay, now the universe is just f*cking with you.” She laughs and links arms with me.