In His Eyes(95)

The cold stone seeped through her petticoat and skirt, making her feel damp. “He will need to eat again soon.”

Sibby sighed in the dark, the sound drifting on the dismal air and settling on Ella like an anchor. “I is sorry, Miss Ella. Ain’t never meant for you to end up with me in here.”

Ella grunted. “And yet you wondered why I wanted that goat.”

“Lot a good it did, seein’ as how he won’t drink none of that goat milk.”

Ella turned her face against the stone wall. “Try to sleep, Sibby.”

Silence crept over them, a shadow in its own right. Ella closed her eyes against the darkness, the inky canvas behind her eyes favorable to the thick black maw around her. She should try to take her own advice and get some rest, but it seemed impossible.

A tear broke from the confines of her lids and slid down her cheek.

Westley, how I wish you were here with me so that I might not feel so alone.

Ella choked back a sob. This day had brought her to the end of her frayed nerves and then demanded more. She had been questioned relentlessly, her home raided and searched, the people of the settlement rounded up like cattle, Nat killed, and Sibby imprisoned. Now she was forced to seek rest in a makeshift jail cell because they would not release Sibby, and Ella could not return home without her.

Ella sniffled in the dark, something blacker than the night settling on her heart. Too much. It had all been too much.

I need you….

She breathed in and out slowly until she finally began to drift into a shallow sleep. Then the darkness shifted and began to peel away. The air around her sweetened and suddenly colors burst to life around her. She’d come back! Ella clutched the fabric of her radiant white gown and ran through the field of vibrant grass toward the majestic tree at the center of the field.

It was a great distance, but when she arrived, she was no less winded than when she began. Ella circled the tree, searching. She lifted her hand against the nearly blinding light and surveyed the field around her, but she remained alone.

“Where are you?”

The wind shifted, lifting her hair and teasing it, but no reply answered her call. Ella sat and leaned against the tree, bowing her head. “Even when I cannot see you, or when I cannot feel you, I know that you are always with me, because you promised you would never leave me.”

“And I never have.”

Ella’s eyes flew open and she turned to look at him, her beautiful Savior dressed in light. Peace washed over her, and she smiled. “There you are.”

“Do you love me, Ella?”

The question surprised her. “You know I do.” She leaned her head against his shoulder, grateful for the comfort he brought.

He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Tell me what troubles you.”

Tears welled in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. “You already know.”

He stroked her hair. “Of course I do. But it is good for you to tell me anyway.”

“I…I love him.” She meant to say that she was tired, or that she worried about Lee or the people who had been taken. She meant to say that she feared for Sibby and the others and that she wanted Westley to be safe. Instead, the words she didn’t want to say were the first from her mouth.

“And you believe he doesn’t feel for you what you do for him.”

Ella nodded and drew her knees up against her.

“You want from him what he cannot give.”

Ella sniffled and clutched the fabric at her chest. Of course that was true. Westley could not love her. She was too far beneath him. Not pretty enough or refined enough for him truly to love her. Want her, maybe, but nothing more.

“That is not what I said. You are letting the shadows make you forget again.”

Ella wiped her eyes and looked at him. “Forget?”

“Who are you?”

She let her fingers uncurl. She was not worthless. No matter what she was in the eyes of anyone else, even the man she loved, in His eyes, she was priceless. She was beautiful, special, and deeply loved. She straightened and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Help me to remember. I forget it easily.”

“You will have to depend on me daily. I know that is hard for you, because you think strength is in independence. But my strength is perfected in your weakness. By depending on me, you have strength that far exceeds what you have on your own.”

Ella leaned back against him, a small laugh bubbling from her chest. “I’ll need you to help me with that, too.”

He squeezed her hand. “You want Westley to fill all of the empty places inside of you. You want him to provide for your needs, be attentive to your every mood, and to understand you to your very core, anticipating your every hurt and desire.”

Ella opened her mouth to refute the claim as ridiculous, but realized that it was true. “But….” she chewed her lip. “Is that not what love is?”

“I am love.”

Ella frowned. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You want for him to give you the things that only I can. Remember he is only human, as you are. He has weaknesses and flaws, just as you do. You seek to put him in a place that he doesn’t belong. I alone can completely fill those needs for you. It is my will that man and woman should become one while on earth, but that relationship is never meant to replace the one you first have with me.”