In His Eyes(89)

She drew a deep breath and leaned into him. “Goodnight.”

He turned from her and closed the door before he risked sweeping her into his arms and making himself a liar. Back in the coldness of the master’s chamber, he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He could give her a home and a safe life for the child. He would hold her in the greatest regard and treat her with gentleness.

But as something clawed deep within him seeking to break free, he wondered, would that be enough?





Ella turned over on her back and watched the dawn chase away her sleepless night. Today would be trying, and she had spent several hours attempting to pray away the hurt that stuck to her soul like tar. He didn’t love her.

He’d said some beautiful things. But the more she’d contemplated the conversation, the more she was sure he was trying to be gentle and kind. He’d only felt desire for her. While she could not deny she’d felt the same, she wanted something more. She wanted him to love away the empty places inside her and to return this feeling that seared her heart.

Is it too much to ask for the man I am bound to for life to love me?

Ella closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. On the other side of the door, she could hear Lee waking and Sibby singing softly to him. He would nurse, then sleep again for a few hours. And while he slept, the man for whom he’d been named would leave them.

She swung her feet off the bed. She had survived this far on her own. She would do so now. Ella pulled on her simple tan day dress and tamed her long hair into a tight braid before twisting it into a sensible bun and securing it to the back of her head.

She didn’t want to remember the way his fingers had felt against her scalp, but the memory pushed through. She washed her face in the basin. Her eyes were red, but there was nothing she could do about it. She straightened her collar and then turned to the dresser. She’d found something there she knew that Westley would need on his journey.

She could hear him rise in the next room and listened to his footsteps move around for a few moments before fortifying herself for what lay ahead. She slipped out of her room and down the stairs, where she would wait for him in the foyer. She would not allow him to slip away unnoticed.

She didn’t have to wait long.

Westley clomped down the stairs in his Yankee uniform without the aid of his cane. She watched him as he descended, from his polished boots to the shoulder boards on his shell jacket until his eyes locked onto hers.

His expression was hard. Stone erased the gentle curve of his lips, and steel glinted in his eyes, replacing all the things she had glimpsed in their depths last night. He paused on the steps.

“Miss….” He cleared his throat. “Forgive me, Mrs. Remington.”

Her heart lurched. “Westley.”

He came down the last remaining steps and hefted a haversack over his shoulder. “I have borrowed a horse from the Martins to take to the depot. Someone will return it to them. If for any reason something happens to the horse, please make sure that a replacement is found for them.”

“I will.”

He shifted his weight. “And do not let Sibby take advantage of you. She has a good heart, but you must take care not to let her attempt to browbeat you.”

“I shall do my best.”

“On the dressing table in my room I left you a list of names and account information. Should you need funds, contact those men and give them the information.” He reached up and squeezed her shoulder. “If anything happens and you need me, send for Colonel Larson. He has promised that any letter you write will be posted to me, and that if you are ever in dire need, that a telegraph will be delivered to my outpost.”

Ella pulled her lower lip through her teeth. “Will you write to me?”

His eyes softened. “Would you like me to?”

“Aye, Westley, you know I would.” Even if he would never feel for her as she did him, she would need to know how he fared. “I want to know that you are safe.”

He dropped his hand. “It is time I go.”

Ella lifted the small object she’d brought down with her. “I found this in your mother’s dresser. I think you should take it with you.”

He took the little book from her and ran his fingers over the cover. “My mother used to read this to me when I was a child, telling me all the rules God had for us.”

Ella tilted her head. “It’s more than just rules, Westley.”

He turned his lips up in that way she knew meant he was amused with her words. She clutched his arm and stepped closer, peering up into his face. “You know that, right? He is the way of salvation and healing.”

Westley’s eyes grew wary. “I am glad you believe as strongly as my mother did. But I—”

“You were the one whose prayers were answered. You saw the miracle that happened, yet you still doubt?”

His eyes became troubled. “I do not doubt. I know that he is real, and that sometimes he answers when he wants to.” He cupped her cheek. “And I am so glad he decided to see your pain and, for once, do something about it.”

She turned her face into his hand. “Promise me you will read it.”

He stepped back. “Why?”

“Because I want you to see him as I do. He is warmth and light and goodness. Only he can take what is dark in us and begin to wash it away.”