In His Eyes(74)

Mama tried to give Ella a weak smile. Ella trembled. “I don’t want to be alone, Mama.”

“Then you have to call on him, sweet girl.” Her chest heaved. “You have…to….” Her body strained forward and Mama gasped for air that would not come.

“Mama!” Ella shook her, but her body sagged against the threadbare pillow.

The child Ella clutched her limp hand. “No, Mama!”

Ella stood by the door and watched herself, reliving the terror she’d felt in that moment. Tears streamed down her face as her younger self fell to her knees beside the bed.

“Please! Mr. Jesus, if you hear me, I’m sorry I’m not a good girl. I’m sorry that I make mischief and I talk too much and I do things I shouldn’t. But, please, I don’t want to be alone. I believe what Mama said was true. I believe you made it so that she could be with you and that you can take all those sins away. Don’t forget me, Mr. Jesus. Please, I believe, too.”

Light filled the room and Ella watched herself crumple to the floor. She remembered calling out, and she remembered feeling something warm wash over her. But she knew what would come next. Papa would burst into the room and yank her up from the floor and fling her out, cursing at her for not helping Mama, for not coming to get him….

She took a step back, not wanting to see that part even less than she’d wanted to see this. But time froze, and the light grew brighter. Ella turned, and there he was. He smiled at her, then walked to the younger Ella still on the floor. He put a hand on her head….

Ella gasped, and returned to the field. She blinked. “You…you were there.”

“And I have been there for everything else.” He stared deep into her eyes. “For everything.”

Her heart lurched, everything suddenly clear. He had been there too, that night of terror in the shadows…had been there when men separated from the gloom and came for her….had saved her from what might have been worse than all her other pain combined.

“Nothing can snatch you from my hand.”

Tears streamed down her face.

“Not even you forgetting me can separate you from me.”

Ella put a hand to her heart. She had forgotten him. She’d talked to him some in the beginning, but as she’d asked him to make Papa stop his drinking, and for the war to end, and for things to get better at the farm, and he had not answered her, her disappointment with him had grown. He did not fix the problems or make her pain go away. And so she had grown angry. She’d tried to push him away and forget him. The girl who had cried out was locked away, and a hard woman had replaced her. A woman whose prayers were more wishes than conversations.

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” His gentle words tugged at her, breaking through each stone she had carefully placed and tended.

She looked at him, and saw only love in his eyes. How could he love her when she had turned away from him? When she had been so angry at him that she tried to lock him away and forget him or only fling half-hearted requests his way when she never actually expected a reply?

“Now, I ask you again. Who are you?”

He grew brighter, so bright that she could barely see his form. Ella looked down at her dress, the pure white gown. “I am yours,” she whispered. “That is who I am.”

The light wrapped around her, sweet and beautiful. It pulsed with each throb of her heart, giving her strength and courage that was not her own.

“That is who you are, Ella. You are mine. Mine because I made you, and mine because I bought you at a price.”

Ella breathed deep, feeling the light of truth touch places deep in her heart and vanquish lingering shadows in her dark corners.

“You are loved.”

The light swarmed around her, the sounds of peace and warmth blending into a melody of acceptance. The notes vibrated in her chest and blended in harmony with the light filling her soul.

“Washed through my sacrifice and held to the end of time for my glory.”

Ella lifted her hands to the light. “Yes, Lord. I am yours. I am beautiful because you are beautiful, and I am accepted and loved because I belong to you. You are what is special in me.”

“Never will I leave you.” His voice filled the air and every part of her senses. “When you walk through the valley of shadows, I am with you. When you pass through the storm, I will be there.”

The light filled her, then seemed to stream through every pore.

“Love me first. Seek me first. And all other things will be added to you.”

Ella drifted on the words until she settled into something soft. She snuggled into the warmth of her bed. Next to her, she could hear Lee breathing.

Pain gathered like a dark fog and pooled around her, tugging at her grasp on the light. “But what about him?” she whispered to the darkness of her room. “Did you not hear my pleas? Will you let him die?”

He spoke again, his voice all around her. “If I take him, then what?”

Ella clutched her heart. “Then I will be….”

“Alone?”

She shook her head, loosening her grip a little. “Not alone, for you are with me.”

“If I choose not to heal him, what will you do?”

Ella opened her arms wide. “Then I will hurt to the depths of my soul, but I will love you still.”