In His Eyes(45)

He made little gurgling noises that scraped at her heart. How long would it be before those sweet coos turned to hungry wails? She drew a long breath, letting the wind course an icy path down her throat to cool the burning that forewarned tears.

Oh, why hadn’t she stilled her tongue? She let her temper get the better of her. Try as she might to be nothing like Papa, she carried the same tendencies as he. Mama called it the fire of the Scots. When she was a girl, Papa had been feisty, and a bit hotheaded, but always gentle with her. But after Mama died…

She shook her head. It didn’t matter. They were both gone now, and Ella was on her own. Sometimes she wondered what life would have been like if Papa had approved of that sailor. A fine-looking Navy man from the New Orleans port. He came to their farm one balmy spring to buy a new stallion for his younger brother and had taken a shine to Ella. A week later he returned and offered for her, though they had only just met. A girl of seventeen, she’d been taken by his handsome face and the thought of traveling the world. But Papa would have none of it. He’d said the man swam the wrong way, and no lass of his would be a notch on that man’s schooner.

She’d had no idea what he meant at the time, but she’d stayed mad at him for a month. No other men had shown any interest in her, and then the war came and made devils out of men that might have had the chance to be decent. At least, as decent as someone who saw the fairer sex as goods to be traded or a prize to be lorded over could be, anyway.

She looked down at Lee as the cold wind gained strength and began to carry a fine mist. He would be different. She would raise this one to be nothing like her father or the soldiers who had ruined this country. She would rear her little Lee to be a man of character, with a soft heart toward women. And someday, a young lady would be worthy of Ella’s treasure, and more wee ones would cling to her skirts.

She lifted her hem and started forward again. A strong son and a bushel of grandchildren. She didn’t need anything more than that. So she would do what she must to secure the only future that offered any hope at happiness.

Droplets of mist swirled on the wind and landed like tiny diamonds on Lee’s head. Ella frowned. She’d let her anger carry her out the door before she thought anything through. Halfway down the drive she told herself she would go to town and ask after another nurse. She’d even heard of women giving goat’s milk to babes in need. If she could figure out a way to get a goat, she and Lee wouldn’t need to depend on anyone. But now she stood at the edge of the river road in paralyzing indecision. She could neither keep the baby out in this weather nor return to the house.

“Miss Ella!”

Sibby’s voice carried on the wind and flitted around Ella’s ears. Heat radiated from her chest and chased away the chill that began to gather in her limbs. She cringed. Perhaps she could scuttle away and pretend she didn’t hear. Sibby would want to dress her down for certain. She’d said some terrible things to Major Remington, and Ella knew the affection Sibby held for him.

She snuggled the wee one closer and turned. No use further setting flame to any help she might have remaining. She’d take the scolding and beg for mercy. For Lee’s sake.

It plucked at her pride, but Ella held her ground and watched Sibby scurry down the drive, a blue scarf draped over her head. When she reached Ella, her breath came out in smoke that mingled with the mist.

“What you thinkin’ traipsin’ around out in this here nasty weather?”

She hadn’t been thinking, but what good would it do to admit it? They already thought her low on wits. “I intended to go to town. I did not know the weather would so quickly turn foul.”

Sibby drew her eyebrows low, creating dark curved lines that sat heavy over her eyes. “You ain’t talkin’ no sense. Now get on back to the house.”

“The major will not want me back inside.”

Sibby snorted. “I done told him I was acomin’ to get you.”

Ella hesitated. Would he let her return? At least until the weather passed and she could find a way to care for Lee? “You are sure that is a good idea?”

Sibby grabbed Ella’s elbow and started to tug. “Good idea or not, I ain’t lettin’ you stand out here and get that baby sick.”

Fear lashed at her, and Ella drew Lee closer. He looked peaceful, sleeping in his little cocoon. Droplets clung to his lashes, but he didn’t seem to mind. His pink cheeks were flushed with warmth from being held so close.

Sibby tugged again. “Don’t you go lettin’ some stubborn ideas make no fool out of you.”

Ella relented. It wouldn’t do to keep Lee out here. Might as well face the man’s wrath. She’d suffered men’s fury before and survived. She could do so again. And this time she wouldn’t be held down in the dark shadows. If he were going to beat her, it would have to be in the daylight in front of the people of Belmont. Without a word, she ducked her head and followed Sibby back toward the long lane that led up to Belmont.

Wind whipped her hair and tugged Sibby’s mumbled words from Ella’s ears before she could comprehend them. The mist turned to drizzle, and by the time they made the bend and could see the house, the drizzle turned into a downpour.

As icy water slid off her hair and down her nape, Ella shivered. The thin cotton dress stood no match against the biting rain, and in moments sodden fabric clung to her limbs and tangled around her feet.