Idol (VIP, #1)(74)

The blonde is still on his arm. The woman hasn’t done anything remotely wrong, and I hate her.

Everything inside me plummets. I feel like I’ve swallowed a goat.

His gaze flicks to me, then settles on Rye. Tension lines his mouth as he bends forward to be heard. “Hey, man, Jenny here wanted to meet you.”

Rye instantly untangles himself from me and gestures for Jenny to scoot in on his opposite side. “By all means. Meet me, adore me, buy me a drink. I’m good with all the above.”

A barely veiled gagging noise comes from Brenna’s direction. Rye ignores it and tugs Jenny down on his lap.

While she giggles and snuggles close to Rye, Killian glances back at me. His eyes are hard, and I want to laugh. Does he really think I’m cozying up to Rye? The twitch at his jaw tells me he does. I glare back, annoyance plucking at my skin.

“I was going to ask if you two needed anything,” he says, overloud to compensate for the music. “But it looks like you’re taken care of.”

I’d like to tell him where he can take his snide tone. But Brenna cuts in. “Hang out with us.” She sounds almost desperate, her body stiff and her gaze resolutely not on Rye and his new friend.

Killian doesn’t look at me as he shakes his head. “Jax has been giving me shit about being a hermit,” he emphasizes the word like a whip in my direction. “Hiding away in a booth isn’t going to help.”

Ass. I’m not a hermit. Not since he dragged me into this life and made me see what I was missing. And I don’t hide. Okay, right now I have the urge to crawl back into my shell. But I’ve grown out of it. I’d be miserable there too.

A lump rises in my throat, loneliness washing over me like a wave. But then Killian turns to me, leaning in a little. Even in the cold, musty air of the club, I catch his scent, spicy and warm. His coffee eyes soften. “You good?”

The lump in my throat grows. He’s giving me what I asked for. Anonymity. If I don’t want our relationship public, this is how it has to be. But he’s still mine. I can see it now in the way his eyes suddenly look pained.

“I’m good,” I croak.

He peers at me for another second, then nods. “See you.”

As soon as he’s gone, I deflate in my seat.

“Trouble in paradise?” Brenna murmurs in my ear.

I down the rest of my cocktail before answering. “He doesn’t like hiding.”

I don’t worry about Rye overhearing. He already has his tongue down Jenny’s throat, and they’re slowly listing to the right.

Brenna ignores them, her expression so smoothed out, I know it’s costing her. She takes a sip of her cocktail. “My cousin is surprisingly forthright.”

“You think I’m a jerk, don’t you?” I need another drink.

“God, no.” She leans against my shoulder in a show of support. “You’re protecting yourself in a shit world. Doesn’t mean he’ll like it.”

“I thought I was protecting myself,” I tell her, misery swamping me faster than the alcohol can numb it. “But thinking back on how I felt when that reporter questioned me, I think I’d rather tell the world to f*ck themselves than cower.”

Brenna knows all about my run in with Ms. Zelda Smith. “Yeah, well, Zelda didn’t seem to have a problem f*cking a band member, so she can’t exactly throw stones.”

“Honestly, I don’t want the public in my business. Ever. But that’s more about being a private person in general.”

“They don’t have to be. Famous people hide their relationships all the time. Well…” She gives me an apologetic smile. “For as long as they can, anyway.”

Famous. I want to laugh. I’m not famous. But Killian is. And his life is just coming back into focus.

“If it were just me and him? I might not mind so much. But the guys are getting back together. Jax clearly didn’t want me joining them.”

“You’re protecting them.” She sounds genuinely surprised.

“Is that so wrong?”

A frown works over her face, and she turns her attention toward the part of the room where the guys are now laughing in a group—well, except for Rye, who is making noises so lewd I really don’t want to look.

Brenna’s expression softens as she watches Killian and Whip do some weird sort of hip bump, as if they’re demonstrating a dance move to a bunch of starry-eyed women. “You should have seen them before Jax… They were like a bunch of puppies.” She laughs, takes a drink. “We all were, really. Even Scottie. It was this wild ride, never coming down, party, play, party.”

Emptiness fills me. I can’t be that girl. I don’t want to be.

Brenna glances at me. “It was all bullshit, though. Nothing real. When Jax tried to— It broke us all.”

“Killian said as much—about it shaking them up.”

“He’s right. Yanked us out of childhood.” She shakes her head, pursing her glossy red lips. “It’s not a bad thing, Libby. Living like that wasn’t healthy. These boys, they had nothing to ground them. Nothing that meant anything.”

The music changes to “Right Now” by Mary J. Blige, and a woman pulls Killian out to dance. He lets her. He’s not doing anything lewd. Just dancing. Doesn’t change the fact that another woman has her hands on him, swaying and grinding with the beat.