Idol (VIP, #1)(38)

He won’t meet my eyes. “They will.”

“Which means you don’t know.”

“It’s my band.”

“It’s theirs too.”

The man actually growls. It would be kind of hot if I wasn’t so annoyed with him. Killian surges to his feet and spreads his hands out wide. “Why are you fighting this? The truth. Not the excuses.”

“Because I’m not impulsive like you! I need to think things through.”

He rubs a hand over his face. “You tell me you dreamed of this life. You tell me you tried but were encouraged to walk away. You asked me how it felt to perform in front of an audience, to be adored. Let me show you. Let me give you the world, baby doll.”

If anything, I feel worse now. A horrible, crawling sensation invades my belly, and I have the urge to run to my room to hide. I pick at the fray on my jean shorts. “That was just…pillow talk.”

“Pillow talk?” He blanches.

I wince. “You know, tell me about your life. Getting to know you.”

His cheeks flush. “You were humoring me?”

“No. I wanted to know you. What your life is like outside of here.”

“But not see it for yourself?” His eyes narrow, that flush running down his neck.

“Exactly.”

Silence grows so thick, the sounds of truck doors slamming ring out in the room. The movers are done. And I’m guessing we are too. A lump swells in my throat. But I don’t move. I stare up at Killian, who looks back at me with disgust.

“Bullshit,” he whispers.

Someone lays heavily on a car horn. I’m guessing Brenna.

“They’re waiting for you,” I say.

His nostrils flare. Then he’s moving. I’m in his grip before I can blink. He hauls me up and gives me a hard, biting kiss. I welcome the sting, biting back. The idea that I won’t get to feel him or taste him any more rips my heart apart. His kiss turns softer, but not sweet. No, he’s molding and shaping my lips with his, savoring.

I try to put my arms around him, but he pulls away. He’s breathing hard, his bottom lip swollen and wet. “I’m going now before I say something I’ll regret.”

Part of me regrets ever meeting him. Because this hurts too much. I could go with him. I could lose myself in him. Even as I think it, my entire body freezes in fear so violent, I swallow convulsively. I can’t do it. I can’t leave this house.

He searches my face for some sign. Whatever he sees has his jaw clenching. His fingers bite into my upper arms. “We aren’t done. Do you hear me? Not even close to done.”

“I don’t want to be done,” I whisper.

His teeth meet with a loud click. “Then stop being a coward and get your ass to New York.”

When I don’t say anything, he curses and strides away. The door slams in his wake. And he’s gone.





Chapter Eleven





Killian



New York will always be my home. It has a strange effect on me: instantly relaxing and instantly energizing. Going to meet Jax, however, is another story. My fingers drum a beat against my thigh as I ride the private elevator up to his apartment. Scottie offered to arrange a meeting on neutral ground, but I rejected the idea. Jax isn’t my enemy. He never was and never will be.

Doesn’t mean I’m looking forward to this.

The elevator opens directly onto his foyer.

Two years ago, a magazine did a huge spread on Jax at home. Jax showing off his industrial loft, living the life of a young rock star. What they never knew is that it was all a lie. It wasn’t even Jax’s place; it was Scottie’s.

Jax’s real home looks like something an old New York society matron would live in: dark wood floors, crown molding, rich colors on the walls, classic artwork in ornate gold frames. It makes me laugh every time I visit because I half-expect Jax to greet me wearing a smoking jacket and clutching a pipe.

“Every time you walk in here, you’re smirking.”

Jax’s voice halts my progress. I hadn’t even noticed him.

He’s leaning against the arm of a green velvet settee in his parlor—yeah, he has a parlor, for f*ck’s sake.

I stare at him for a second. He’s bulkier than I’ve seen him, his color healthy, his light brown hair longer than usual, almost reaching his collar. I set my guitar case down. “It’s because I’m expecting to be greeted by a butler. Or maybe find a little poodle yapping at my feet.”

“I’ve been thinking of getting a dog.” Jax stands. The corners of his eyes crease, his head cocking to the right. I know his face as well as my own. Better, because I’ve seen it since we were six years old. So I know he’s tense and hating it.

That makes two of us.

I drop all pretense and move across the room to pull him into a guy hug, giving his shoulder a slap. “Fucking idiot,” I say gruffly. “You look good.”

He hugs me back before we break apart. “You look like shit. What the f*ck did you do to your hair?”

I know he’s bullshitting me, but my hand reflexively goes to my shorn hair. For an instant, I don’t see Jax but Libby standing before me, her small breasts trying their hardest to poke through the thin tank she’s wearing, her cheeks flushed, and her hands shaking as she cuts my hair. I can almost feel her fingers sliding along my scalp again, manipulating my head in the direction she wants it.