I'm Glad About You(23)

“Which sister?” she asked.

“Who can remember; don’t you have like thirty?”

“Four girls, four boys, it’s very symmetrical.”

“Whatever, there are too many of you. I had it all written down on a cheat sheet in high school but I don’t know where it is anymore. How long are you here for?”

“You know, a while,” she admitted. “Like almost two weeks.”

“Jesus, why?”

“Show business,” she sighed. She ducked out into the hallway, pulling the phone cord as far as it would go, which was just inside the doorway of the tiny bedroom around the corner from the kitchen. It was exactly the same routine she had perfected in high school, plopping on the floor and trying to get the door to close even though it never would, because of that stupid cord. Why Mom and Dad didn’t break down and buy a portable phone was beyond her. “Everything shuts for two whole weeks around Christmas and New Year’s. All the people with money and power go to Aspen or Hawaii, so nobody else has anything to do.”

“There’s nothing to do in New York City over the holidays? I find that hard to believe.”

“No, there’s things to do, of course, I just wanted to come home. Let my mom feed me for a little while. Free food.” She said it lightly, like a joke, which in fact it was because there was free food everywhere here in Cincinnati but she wasn’t allowed to eat it. Nevertheless, there was no reason to hang out in New York, which was truly a cold and dreary place if you had no money and no friends and nothing to do. Plus she had to ask her parents for money. That might actually take the whole two weeks to figure out.

“Well, it’s good news for me because I’m seriously bored as shit. I’m quitting my job, I don’t give a f*ck how good the health insurance is, I am not working for Procter and Gamble for the rest of my life, or even till I’m thirty. Fuck this f*cking bullshit. My dad went to Paris with Felicia and I’m house-sitting, so I’m having a party tonight,” he informed her, switching subjects on a dime. “I want to see you, you have to come.”

“Oh, a party!”

“Yes, everyone you know will be there.”

“I don’t actually know anybody in Cincinnati anymore, except for my family. That’s what it feels like.”

“Well, that’s fine because I’m not talking about anybody, I’m talking about Kyle.” Dennis tossed this off with the devilish bonhomie which was, in truth, his specialty.

“Kyle and I are done done done, as you well know.”

“You and Kyle have been done done done so many times, Alison, I’ve lost track.”

“You don’t need to keep track. This time he went and got married.”

“So you’ll come and say hello and get it over with. Seriously, Alison, both of you are being totally f*cking ridiculous,” Dennis told her, finally plunging into the heart of the matter. “When was the last time you talked to him?”

“Who cares?”

“It was a year ago August. You haven’t spoken to him in eighteen months! He’s married, you’ve moved on, you’re a big f*cking TV star, so f*ck him.”

“I was on one television show.”

“You were and you looked fantastic and I loved it when the guy threw you across the desk, it was f*cking awe-inspiring.”

“Is she going to be there?”

“Yes, she is, and she is not going to like you one bit and you are going to hate her. You still have to come and just get it over with.”

“You said she was nice. When I asked you last year, you said she was really nice.”

“What was I going to say? She’s a cunt?”

“Is she?”

“Is she a cunt? Absolutely.”

In high school everybody’s parents loved Dennis because he always knew how to charm them, but, honestly, behind their backs he had the filthiest mouth. He also drank way too much every chance he got; plus he was a total hound. But the charm was quite real and not specifically reserved for parents. Calling Kyle’s new wife a “cunt” had a very friendly ring to it.

“Come on, you’ve got nothing else to do, I can hear it in your voice,” he informed her. “You’re going to be stuck at home with all those millions of brothers and sisters you never liked and what, seven hundred nieces and nephews?”

“I like my brothers and sisters.”

“Well, as my memory serves, they only tolerate you. I want to see you! And everyone will make a huge deal about that television show, I swear all of Cincinnati is abuzz. It’s the talk of the town. Wear something hot, you’ll totally scare the bejesus out of Van, I can’t wait to see it.”

“Why would I want to scare her, I don’t even know her,” Alison told him, trying to maintain a shred of maturity in the face of this.

“Trust me, you’re going to hate her. I think he just married her to get back at you, I really do.”

“I could give a shit what Kyle does,” she lied.

“Then why am I begging you. Just come. I told Kyle you’d be there, and he’s fine with it. You just have to get through ‘hi,’ which is in fact in your skill set. Besides, you love my dad’s house.”

“All right, all right, all right,” Alison caved. “Fine, I’ll show.”