I'm Fine and Neither Are You(44)

“This was a lucky break, Penelope,” said Yolanda. “What if she hadn’t asked you about the scholarship recipients? That was a great story you spun about Leticia, but if Nancy had quizzed you about how we would publicize the endowment, we would be having a different conversation right now.”

I was ready to defer to her and say I was just glad it had worked out. But just as I opened my mouth, my conversation with Nancy Weingarten popped into my head.

“That was no spin—it was someone’s life I was describing,” I said, careful to make sure my tone was neutral. “And I don’t think it was luck, either. I worked hard, and even though everything didn’t go exactly as planned, it paid off.”

She stared at me. Finally, she shook her head and said, “Let Dean Willis know.”

My legs were shaking a little as I walked back to my desk—I had never stood up to Yolanda like that before. But I was smiling, too. Because I was already thinking about how I would tell Sanjay that maybe there was something to this radical honesty idea.





SEVENTEEN

I came home from work later that week to find Sanjay smiling so wide I could see his molars. He was wearing a nice pair of pants and a button-down that . . . could it be? Yes, it had actually been ironed!

“Did you have a job interview?” I asked, unable to disguise my delight.

His smile immediately wilted, but he quickly recovered. “No, but I’m skipping practice tonight.”

“Okay . . .” I wasn’t sure how band practice had anything to do with his attire.

“I hired a sitter and made reservations at Mario’s,” he explained, referring to our favorite Italian place.

“Oh,” I said, because while this was a nice surprise and certainly more than what I had asked for, I also wished I’d stopped for a double espresso before coming home. It had been a marathon of a day and I was probably going to nod off into my tortellini.

“Oh?” he said.

I attempted to fix my face. “That sounds great—we haven’t been out in ages.”

“It’s been a while,” he said, sounding pacified. “I thought it would be a nice change of pace.”

“It will be. Do you mind if I go change?”

“Of course not. Emma will be here at six forty-five. Our reservation is for seven.”

“Perfect.”

I went upstairs and slipped into a pair of jeans, which I immediately swapped for a skirt. If Sanjay was making an effort, then so would I. It had been months—maybe even nearly a year—since the two of us had gone out alone. Usually we went to Matt and Jenny’s with the kids, because they had enough space that you could almost pretend the shrieking from down the hall was coming from another house.

As I replaced my melted makeup with fresh spackle, it occurred to me that in spite of my exhaustion, I was excited. Dinner alone would give us a chance to connect, like I’d told him I wanted to.

Except after we got to the restaurant and ordered and were looking at each other from across the small table where we’d been seated, it became painfully apparent how rusty we were at the art of adult conversation.

“How’s the band going?” I asked.

He shrugged and took a piece of bread from the basket. “Don’t know. Tonight makes three weeks that I’ve skipped.”

“Really?” I said. How had I not realized that? “Why’s that?”

He had just put an enormous chunk of bread in his mouth and finished chewing before answering. “I just needed a break.”

I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to push him for details or if he was being deliberately evasive. “Okay,” I said.

“How’s work?” he asked.

Riveting chat you’re having, I heard Jenny say.

For once, I was able to curb my instinct to answer her aloud. I’m trying, I thought.

Try harder, she retorted.

“Penny?” asked Sanjay, not realizing I was more engaged in the conversation in my head than the one he and I were having.

I trained my eyes on him. “Work is going pretty well, if you can believe it,” I said. “Do you remember me telling you about Nancy Weingarten?”

He nodded.

“Well, I landed the endowment. It’s the biggest major gift from a woman in the medical school’s history.”

From the way he was beaming, you would have thought it was his victory. Or maybe he was just happy to have something to talk about. “That’s fantastic! Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?”

I wasn’t sure. Most likely I’d been so busy with our evening routine that I’d forgotten, so I gave him a roundabout answer. “Well, it didn’t go as smoothly as I would have liked. Yolanda tried to act like I’d screwed up the entire thing instead of making a few minor mistakes, but Nancy told me to stop making everything look easy.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Did she?”

“Why are you giving me that look?”

“No look intended,” he said. “It’s good advice. I hope you’ll take it.”

This implied that I probably wouldn’t. “Hmph,” I said.

Sanjay reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Penny, don’t be like that. I’m really proud of you. Who would have thought back when you got that first development job that you’d practically be running the place seven years later?”