I Want You Back (Want You #1)(6)

Mimi stared at me, and I could see her struggling to tell me the truth. “It was my idea.”

“Milora Michelle Lund. We talked about this. Just because I’m not physically standing beside you doesn’t mean the rules change.”

Her eyes widened at my usage of her full name.

“I’m happy you didn’t lie when I asked you about it, but you broke a rule. And there are consequences with me, just like there are with your mother, when that happens.”

“Don’t spank me.” She took a few steps back.

Christ, just what I needed; my kid to be afraid of me. I crouched down so we were face-to-face. “Have I ever used spanking as a punishment?”

She shook her head.

“I’m not about to start now. The consequences I’m talking about? You lost your chance to go ice skating. And tomorrow you will apologize to Rowan and Jensen for convincing Calder to break the rules with you. Understand?”

She nodded and burst into tears. She said, “I’m sorry!” and launched herself at me.

Hard as it was, I forced myself to let her cry it out. I’d promised Lucy I wouldn’t be that drive-by fun dad who left all the shitty parts of parenting to her, especially since she’d done most of it by herself anyway.

The rest of our night was mellow. We ate dinner and watched a movie, and she fell asleep halfway through it.

Barely ten minutes had passed after I’d tucked her in when I heard a soft knock on the door.

I peered through the peephole to see my cousin Jensen standing on the other side.

I’d texted him that we needed to talk after Mimi’s confession, but I hadn’t expected to see Jens tonight.

“Hey, cuz. I didn’t mean to interrupt your night.”

“You didn’t. Ro and I just got back from a Vikings corporate event and I’m a little wired anyway.”

I gave him a sharp look. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah.” He sat on the edge of the couch. “What’s up?”

I told him about Mimi and Calder’s spy excursion last week. Adding my own guilt for giving Mimi free rein for an hour so I could work out in the fitness center.

Jens waved aside my guilt. “She’s eight and in a secure apartment complex with you at the other end of the building. It wasn’t like you warned her to stay put while you flitted off to do your thing downtown. And Calder confessed their little adventure to us within two hours, since the guilt was eating him alive.”

“Wait. You knew about Mimi being the ringleader and didn’t tell me?”

He jammed a hand through his hair. “Rowan and I discussed it, but we decided to give Mimi a chance to come clean to you on her own. We dealt with disciplining our kid. Not our business how you discipline yours.”

“This aspect is new to me. But that’s part of the parenting gig, isn’t it?”

“Yep. And it doesn’t get any easier,” Jens admitted. “It gives me a whole new appreciation for my parents finding balance with four kids so neither of them was consistently the bad guy.”

“My folks were the same way. Mom never used that ‘wait until your father gets home’ line to pass the buck. If Nolan or I did something that warranted discipline, she meted it out herself.” My mother still did that. She pushed her way into my life when I hit rock bottom, dragging my dad and my brother right beside her. I’ll never forget the grief on their faces that they couldn’t fix me or shoulder some of my burdens. Even after the truth came out about my alcohol abuse, none of them treated me with contempt. They freely, lovingly gave me compassion I know I didn’t deserve.

Their unquestioning support humbled me. And I wanted to be the type of father that Mimi looked up to. The man in her life she could always count on.

“What else is on your mind, Jax?” Jensen asked.

“Parental protocol. Do I tell Lucy that Mimi broke the rules when she was with me? Because that might bring me more trouble.”

“Like?”

“Like why didn’t I know that Mimi was running around in another building? What was I doing that I couldn’t properly watch our child? Why hadn’t I known she’d broken a rule until a week after it happened? I don’t want to hand her a damn excuse to justify me spending less time with her. What sucks is that she has precedents for that type of reaction.”

I fought the roar of frustration building inside me, a roar I used to drown in whiskey and women. Now I forced myself to utilize the redirection exercises my counselor suggested. Breathe in, clench my fists, breath out, release them.

After three rounds of that, I felt the frustration ebb. I opened my eyes to see Jensen studying me warily. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Goddammit. The last thing I wanted was for my youngest male cousin to see me struggle. To see me as weak.

But you are weak. Admitting that is the first step toward finding real strength.

I exhaled again. “Sorry.”

“Dude. Don’t apologize. I’m just happy to see that you have coping mechanisms that work for you.”

“Thanks. Some days are easier than others.”

Jens leaned forward. “You have people to talk to? Or is assuming that you do just another place where we’ve all failed you?”

“I see a counselor once a week. He heads up the group therapy sessions at Hazelden. After I completed the program he referred me to a colleague in Chicago. After I moved back here, he took me on as a private client. I’m lucky to have him.”