I Kissed Shara Wheeler(44)
“This is ridiculous,” she says. “What’s the common denominator here? Smith, Rory didn’t make Shara kiss you in front of him. Neither of us made her kiss us and skip town. Rory, that note literally says she wanted to make you jealous, because she knew you liked her and she liked the attention. I mean, come on! None of this is because of any of us. It’s Shara. Stop pretending she’s a saint! Read the notes! She’s playing both of you, and you’re letting her.”
She stands there under the bleachers, looking from Smith to Rory, waiting for the thing she’s been wanting this whole time: for someone to see Shara the way she’s always seen her. The bell to end sixth hour rings. None of them make a move to go to seventh.
“I don’t understand,” Smith says finally, sounding defeated. “Everything she’s done the past few weeks, everything she’s saying she did in these notes … it doesn’t sound like her. And I don’t understand why she did any of it, or why she’s telling me, or why she’s telling me like this. And I guess I’m starting to worry that I … I don’t know. Maybe Rory’s right. Maybe I don’t know her like I thought I did.”
It should feel like the round of applause on closing night, like after a fifth-grade birthday party when her moms proclaimed in the car that all the other parents wished their kids were doing as well in school as Chloe.
But Smith looks sad, and Rory looks annoyed and embarrassed, and it’s not as satisfying as it was supposed to be.
“My beef with you,” Rory says finally, to Smith, “is that you ditched me for the football guys, who you knew were total assholes to me.”
“I didn’t ditch you for the football guys,” Smith says, voice raw and earnest, “you ditched me because you didn’t like that I joined the team, even though I told you the whole reason my parents sent me to Willowgrove was to play football.”
“That is not what happened,” Rory grumbles.
“It’s how I remember it.”
“Well,” Rory says, “I remember it different.”
“Okay, well.” Smith shrugs. “Whatever.”
“Whatever.”
“Are we good?” Chloe asks.
“We’re good,” Smith says.
Rory looks at Smith for a long moment, then crams his hands into his pockets.
“Whatever.”
* * *
Later, she spends the remainder of seventh hour rewriting lines of Shara’s last note from memory in the margins of her AP Calc notebook and wondering why exactly this doesn’t feel the way she thought it would.
Somewhere, in a different classroom, Smith is confronting the fact that this girl he’s spent two years projecting a high school sweetheart onto is distant, not because she’s too complex, but because she didn’t want him to see who she really was. Rory’s probably already slouched in the driver’s seat of his car, wondering if the girl next door ever existed at all.
Chloe already knew these things. But of all the possibilities she considered for the real Shara, she never seriously thought “evil genius” would be the one that fit.
Shara wrote in Smith’s note that she wanted to show him the truth, and that’s exactly what she’s doing. She’s not an angel. She’s the type of girl who hurts her friends on purpose and breaks her promises and leaves the people who care about her the most without even saying goodbye.
She gets why Shara would want Smith and Rory to know—what’s the point of wanting and being wanted in return if the person they want isn’t truly you? She still doesn’t get why Shara decided to tell her though.
But now that she knows … well, she hates to admit it. She really does. But this Shara, the one spelled out on pink stationery, is a million times more interesting than the fake one. Like, no contest.
It’s kind of a bummer she’s the only one who sees it that way.
FROM THE BURN PILE
Passed notes between Ace Torres and Shara Wheeler Scribbled on the back of Bible worksheet titled “Armoring Yourself with the Lord”
Hey Shara!
I’m trying to study, Ace.
Cool, I was just wondering if you were free this afternoon for practice
We’ve practiced twice already this week.
I know, but I’m still not sure I have that last note down
You do. You sound good. Also, I have an essay due tomorrow.
Really?? You think so??? I mean, I guess if you think I’m ready, it’s just that tryouts are next week and every time I think about it I feel like I’m gonna blow chunks
Please never, ever use that expression again.
Sorry!!!! I’m just really nervous!!!
I’ll be over at 4.
12
DAYS WITHOUT SHARA: 17
DAYS UNTIL GRADUATION: 26
The bleachers note changes things.
Smith and Rory, who heretofore were both operating under the impression that they could win Shara if they made it to the end of the trail, really seem to be struggling with the idea that the princess in the tower might be more of a dragon. They stop sniping at each other and start exchanging a lot of morose looks while Chloe does all the work on the clues. She practically has to drag them to the next one.
As for Chloe … well, it’s not that Chloe forgets how to think about anything other than Shara Wheeler. But nothing else seems half as interesting, which isn’t her fault. Honestly, maybe other things should try harder.