Hudson(12)

I return my attention to the file.

“There’s more,” Celia taunts.

I ignore her. Then I see it, the information that Celia’s hinting at. A police record. “She’s been arrested?”

Celia scoots closer to me on the couch. “She violated a restraining order. Twice. Her brother’s a lawyer and got her record buried.”

“But you got it unburied. Let me guess—Don Timmons.” Don is a cop that Celia’s friendly with. She’s toyed with his emotions for years, f**king him simply to get information when she wants it. He’s out of her social class, something that would matter to her if she ever dated anyone seriously. But Celia doesn’t believe in romantic engagements. Not anymore. I taught her that.

She crosses a leg over the other. “Don’t look so judgmental. Don got what he wanted out of it.”

I’m not sure why I’m judging her. That behavior is well in line with things I’ve done myself time and time again. Perhaps therapy has had a positive effect on me. Not that I have suddenly developed a conscience. My contemptuous attitude is a defense mechanism—if I don’t approve of her actions, it will be less likely that I will want to adopt them for myself.

“Anyway, maybe the arrest is part of the reason she doesn’t pursue another occupation. She may not want it uncovered and she knows that any decent corporate screening process would uncover it.”

“It’s possible.” I make a mental note to get Alayna’s arrest sealed permanently. I have people more influential than Don Timmons. And I don’t have to blow them to get favors. Alayna’s too brilliant to let a jaded past keep her from her full potential.

A part of me recognizes I’m lying to myself about my reasons for caring about this woman’s future. My motivation isn’t centered around her business career or how I might tap into her intellectual skills. I can’t name the source of my motivation, though. So I cling to the lie as long as I can.

“On the other hand, the owner went on and on about Alayna’s genuine love of her job. She seems to be really passionate about it. She has a vested interest in the club.”

That reasoning resonates with me. Alayna Withers did not strike me as someone who lived in fear. Why did she get her degree in the first place? Because she wanted to make the club her own makes sense. She has drive. She has ambition. That was obvious in her presentation. My original shock at her choice of employment has been replaced with complete respect. This I can support. I want to help her reach that goal. It’s admirable.

“But the arrest isn’t the big thing.” Celia brings me back from my thoughts with an enthusiasm that threatens to be contagious. “The cause of it is. She has a mental health history.”

I turn once more to the papers in my lap and settle on the last section of documents. They consist of doctors’ records, outpatient reports, a certificate of rehabilitation completion. It only takes a few minutes for me to puzzle out her history. Alayna Withers has a compulsive disorder most likely aggravated by the death of both her parents at a young age. She specifically targets her obsessive tendencies on men and relationships, leading to socially abnormal behavior such as stalking, vandalism, and disorderly conduct. According to her rehab report, she’s been recovered for the past two years—a similar timeline to my own.

There’s a part of me that’s appalled by this information. The woman that stood in front of us at Stern was not fragile. She was confident and put together and in control. But I remember that strong sense that there was something more underneath her fa?ade. I realize now that I had so easily recognized it because her carriage was so familiar. Strong on the outside, battling demons on the inside—she was, in so many ways, like me.

I close my eyes and massage the bridge of my nose. Is that the nature of my attraction? A kinship with this woman? I don’t believe it’s that simple, but, with this new information, I am beyond fascinated with her. I’ve often questioned if there was any recovery for someone like me. Can I really get better? Do I have any hope for a full and healthy life?

Celia was right. I want to experiment with this one more than any other she’s tempted me with in the last two years. Our objectives, though, are in opposition. I can easily guess the nature of Celia’s planned game. She wants to see if she can cause the subject to break again. See if Alayna will return to her past behaviors when pushed.

I, on the other hand, do not want to see Alayna Withers break. I want to see her survive. Because if she can, then maybe so can I.

I’m decided now. I won’t let Alayna out of my sight. I will pursue her. I will study her. I will not play her.

And so it’s time to make sure Celia doesn’t either.

I shut the folder, stand, and hand it back to Celia. “This is not a game we’re playing.” My tone informs her that this is a closed subject.

Celia stands with a sigh. “That’s too bad. I had a great scenario. We’d pretend that our parents want us to marry—best lies are closest to the truth, as you always say.” In this case, it is the truth. “Your mother believes you’ll never love anyone so you best marry me. You hire Alayna to be your girlfriend. To convince your parents to leave your romantic life alone. With all the pretending, the girl will fall for you. The scheme will end and we see what happens. Intriguing, no?”




I shake my head. “We’re not playing.”