How to Fail at Flirting(80)

Jake kissed my temple again, a peck. Then another. “I wish you’d told me it was him.”

Under my palms, the cotton of his T-shirt was soft over his pectoral muscles, and he held me close. For the first time in hours, I relaxed my muscles, leaning against him. I wanted someone to hold me who I could trust to not let me fall.

“I would have . . . I don’t know, but I would have done something.” Brushing his lips near the top of my ear, he dropped a third kiss, and I molded my fingers along his jaw. Counting the kisses was a way to keep time, to keep myself in the moment. He exhaled heavily as my fingertips grazed his hairline. He touched his forehead to mine and brushed his lips to the tip of my nose.

I turned my head to meet his lips, seeking the familiar pressure. He hedged for a moment, then his mouth opened to mine. The kiss was soft, slow, and sweet. I tried to say everything I hadn’t verbalized with my mouth. That I was sorry, that I needed him more than I could admit, and that I loved him, too. Unable to find any of the words, I sank into him, and he cupped my cheek.

He held my face in both palms. “I—”

I shook my head, reaching to nip at his lower lip. His kisses left me grounded in a way I hadn’t been since Davis attacked me, and I didn’t know how else to show him he was what I needed, who I trusted.

He gently pulled his body from mine, tipping his head away. “Naya, wait.”

I am good with words. Why can’t I find any of the right ones? I let my hands trail back down his chest, my fingers splayed. I didn’t know how to communicate that I didn’t want anything except contact. “Please, don’t leave.”

He exhaled heavily and searched my face. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you.” His fingers flexed at my waist. “I couldn’t even look at you in the meeting. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but all the while that monster was just a few feet from you. God, it turns my stomach.” His brows pinched and his jaw tensed again. “I accused you of looking away, and I did the same thing. I’m so sorry, Naya. I’m so sorry. I should have paid more attention.”

I clutched the fabric of his T-shirt, taking in his pained expression. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t know.” Desperation rose in me, an almost frantic need to convince him. I don’t want to be alone. “I’ve screwed everything up, Jake. With us. Just let me prove to you I’m worth another shot.”

“Naya.” He shook his head slowly. “You don’t have to prove anything.” He moved from my waist to cup my cheek, avoiding the tender side of my face. “You’re always scared people will be disappointed. What I texted you? I’m so ashamed I said those things. You didn’t deserve that.”

What he’d said during our last text exchange came back to me. Fifty times, I’d reread the message where he said I was scared. That maybe I was broken.

“Right now, I want to wrap you in my arms and protect you from everything.” His brows dipped. “But you don’t need me or anyone else to do that.”

Tears slipped down my cheeks, and he wiped them away with his thumbs. I opened my mouth but didn’t have the words. He’s right, about all of it.

“I don’t know what that means for us, and I’d never ask you to hash that out after everything that happened today. For now, I just want you to feel safe, and I’m not going anywhere if you want me here.”

I nodded, untangling my fingers from the fabric of his shirt. “Okay,” I said in a voice just above a whisper. “I want you here.”

He nodded and kissed my cheek, a soft peck at my temple, before wrapping me in his arms again.





Forty-three





Four weeks later, I sat in my office on a Thursday afternoon, preparing for classes to begin.

The return of the students would give campus the energy and life that made me excited to be a professor. The summer had been a whirlwind, and there was something to be said for returning to normal. Of course, not everything was normal.

Davis’s assault had dredged up emotions and memories from when we dated. I rarely slept well, but recently I hadn’t been sleeping at all, and every unexpected noise or sudden movement left me quaking, startling awake prepared to fight. Davis had been charged, though the lawyer I spoke with said it would likely be reduced and assisted me with an order of protection. Looking in the mirror, I could see that the large bruise had faded but been replaced by puffy eyes and dark circles. I’d finally admitted to myself that I couldn’t handle it all alone anymore, that maybe I’d never really handled it at all.

To do: Make an appointment with a counselor.

Out the open window, the cool breeze swept through my office, and my phone buzzed on my desk.

    Jake: Is there such a thing as a groomzilla?

Naya: Eric?

Jake: Tyson.

Naya: Really?

Jake: He’s in charge of the cake—it’s his one job. Best man = my job, too.

Naya: It doesn’t sound like such a hardship.

Jake: Do you want to do the next four tastings with him? Why are there so many bakeries in this town?

Naya: Enjoy some frosting for me.



Jake had returned to North Carolina two days after the retreat, promising he’d come back anytime I wanted. We’d shared a long embrace, he’d kissed my cheek with soft, promising lips, and then he was gone.