How to Fail at Flirting(40)

“It was unexpected, but it was nice.”

“Gonna see him again?”

Jake’s expression from that last morning stuck in my memory. It had held a flash of sadness. In that moment, I’d wondered if we should try for something more, but it was impossible, so I told him to look for me the next time he was in a woo-hoo girl wedding. Then we’d laughed, he’d kissed me again, we said goodbye, and that was it.

“No, it was just one of those things. You know my life. I don’t have time for that, and, besides, it was a no-strings thing. It would be a bad idea with work, anyway.”

“Have you ever done a no-strings thing?”

“I guess I have now. I think of it like an extended one-night stand. A one-week stand.”

Aaron cocked an eyebrow. “You, my friend, did not do no-strings or any kind of stand. You ended up in a weeklong love affair.” Aaron gave me a pointed look before checking his phone again and grimacing at the time. “I better get outta here. See you later?”

After he left, I sipped my iced hazelnut latte and glanced at my laptop. I could search for Jake. It wouldn’t be hard to find his company’s website. I had the photo of us on my phone, but my fingers itched to click around, to collect more crumbs. I shook my head and instead opened a different project, a book chapter I wanted to polish before submitting. As I read through a paragraph, wincing at my clumsy first draft, my phone buzzed with a notification.

    Jake: Hi.



My heart rate sped up, and I stared at the simple message. I’d spent more time than I was ready to admit to reading old text exchanges, refreshing the app needlessly. I would chastise myself for being pathetic and then check my phone again for new messages. I’d been the one to clarify a few days was all we had. Of course, not five minutes after reminding myself that I’d made it clear we were only for those few days, I had returned to my phone.

I typed a reply, pushing doubt out of my head.

    Naya: Hi.



I started adding a follow-up message, typing and deleting How are you? What’s going on? and New phone. Who dis?

    Jake: Listen, Gladys, I met someone while I was in Chicago.

Jake: I’m not sure she even wants to talk to me.

Jake: But she was pretty great, and I can’t get her out of my head, so I’m trying.

Naya: So awkward, but this isn’t Gladys.

Jake: Oh my God, Myrtle . . . don’t get the wrong idea.

Jake: Kidding. I gave up the harem of senior librarians.

Jake: Just realized this joke makes me sound like a womanizing asshole.

Jake: I hope you’re laughing.

Naya: I am and I’m 99% convinced the librarians aren’t real

Naya: It’s nice to hear from you.



I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face.

    Jake: So, it turns out I need to come back to Chicago next week for work.

Jake: Can I see you? Take you to dinner?



I paused again, my fingers hovering over the keyboard while I bit my lower lip. I should have responded with one of three things. Option one: No, I can’t put my career at risk. Option two: No, we agreed to a few days and that’s it. Option three: You’re still married, and I can’t keep ignoring my moral compass.

    Naya: When do you arrive?

Jake: Thursday morning.

Naya: I can make Thursday night work.

Jake:



I have a date, a real date. I caught myself lifting my shoulders in a little dance and glanced around to see if anyone was watching my silly display. No one appeared to notice the grown woman moments away from doing the cabbage patch, and I returned to grinning at my laptop, the writing seeming just a little better on this pass.

My phone buzzed again, and sweet anticipation of what Jake might say next flooded my system. I expected a fun text or something a little naughty, but unknown flashed on the screen. I froze, clutching the edge of the table.

    Unknown: Found some old photos. Remember this one?



As the image of my naked body filled the screen, my blood went cold.

No.

Davis had snapped the photo without warning, which he’d started doing several months into our relationship. At first, he maintained that it was fun to have sexy photos of me, like it was a game for him to take them without my permission, even though I told him to stop. By the end, he’d dropped the pretense and it was another in a long line of things he did to keep me on edge.

    Unknown: Not a very professional look.

Unknown: Heard you’re close to tenure.

Unknown: It’s such a subjective process, tenure review. So many outside things can influence their decision to promote you.



No, no, no. I put my phone down and pressed my eyes closed. It wasn’t a threat exactly. Who am I kidding? Of course it’s a threat.

The idea of anyone seeing those pictures made me shudder. It wasn’t even so much people seeing my body; it was him having control of who saw it. I didn’t know what to do to stop him. I couldn’t imagine admitting to someone else those photos existed. How could I face Joe or my students? Jake. He’d be horrified. I dropped my head into my hands and inhaled a few shallow breaths, trying to talk myself down. I’d never gone to the police or human resources after we split, convinced he’d just twist everything around to make himself look good and that no one else would think it was a big deal. And now, after waiting for so long, there’d be no way they’d take this seriously.