Hour of Need (Scarlet Falls #1)(67)

“Your stint on the dark side is nothing to joke about.” Grant flicked a paper clip at him. “Neither was rehab.”

Mac caught it. His expression turned somber. “I owe my transformation to Lee. He never gave up on me. I bet he’s the one who put Mom up to making her final request that I straighten my ass out.”

“He knew you’d do it for her,” Grant said quietly. How typical of Lee to keep trying until he found a way to turn Mac around. That dogged determination had made him a good lawyer. Had it also contributed to his death?

“Yeah. I was a real * at the time, but not enough of an * to deny Mom her dying wish.”

Grant studied his brother. Mac had been fifteen when Grant went into the army. Lee had been in school and dealing with Dad’s declining health. When Mom got sick too, Mac had rebelled. Lee had been split in too many different directions. A man could only be in so many places at once. Maybe if Grant had been around, he could have kept Mac out of trouble.

Grant would be carrying a convoy of regrets back to Afghanistan.

“Any idea where we might find Donnie?”

Mac scratched his chin. “I can ask around. I know a guy who might be able to help.” He pressed Print. The printer on the credenza chugged, squealed, and spat out a copy of the photo.

“You aren’t going to visit someone from your old gang?”

“It’s our best shot.” Mac frowned.

“Isn’t it dangerous?”

He shook his head. “Nah. I’ll be fine.”

“How do you still know this person is still in your old gang?” Grant couldn’t stop his voice from turning parental. “You haven’t seen him, have you?”

“I’ve run into him a couple of times over the years.” Indignation filled Mac’s tone. “You don’t think I’d go back to that life, do you?”

“I’d hope not.”

Mac laughed. “Grant, I camp with otters for a living. That’s quite a distance from working for a drug dealer.”

Grant winced. “I’m sorry. I should trust you.”

“We haven’t seen each other much in the years since you left.” Mac shrugged.

“I know, and I’m sorry about that, too.”

“You’ve been fighting a war. So I’ll give you a pass.” His brother snatched the picture from the printer output tray.

But guilt nagged Grant. He could’ve been around more. He didn’t have to take every assignment and move he’d been offered. He’d let his desire to advance in rank take precedence over his family’s needs. He’d left Lee to deal with their father’s dementia and Mac’s foray into crime, once a year swooping in for two weeks like some BFD. When in reality, Lee had been the big f*cking deal, quietly getting unpleasant shit done on a daily basis. But it seemed Lee had also fallen prey to the Barrett family weakness: blind ambition.

Mac put a hand on his shoulder. “Really, Grant. It all turned out all right. If you hadn’t done the military thing, Dad would have pressured me or Lee into it. Let’s face it, neither one of us was army material. Lee was too sensitive, and I was too lazy. You did us a favor by living the old man’s dream so we didn’t have to.”

Mac had a point. Lee could never have shot a man in the face, not even to protect a fellow soldier. It wasn’t a fault, just a fact. Lee had believed in people’s inherent goodness. No man went to war and came back the same person. Grant would have nightmares for the rest of his life, but combat would have destroyed Lee.

Mac folded the picture in half. “Enough of this touchy-feely crap. I have to go. It’ll be easiest to find Freddie early in the day.”

“I’m going with you.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Mac scanned Grant from head to toe. “You don’t blend it with that crowd. They’re an ugly bunch.”

“No worries. I’ve seen plenty of ugly.”

“Yeah. I guess you have.” Mac shrugged. “I know you’re used to giving the orders, but you’ll have to follow my lead this time out.”

“OK.” As if anyone in the family followed Grant’s orders anyway. He closed the Internet browser. His Beretta was as heavy on his hip as his current control issues weighed on his mind. Weapons and instability were a bad combination, but the cops hadn’t been able to find Donnie Ehrlich. Grant couldn’t go back to Afghanistan with his brother’s killer on the loose, still a threat to his family. Donnie needed to be stopped. Carson deserved to sleep without nightmares.

Mac tucked the folded picture into his pocket, then ran upstairs for his wallet. Grant ducked into the kitchen. The scent of fresh coffee teased his nostrils. Ellie sipped from a mug as she folded a load of baby laundry.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said.

“I need to keep busy.” She folded the last tiny sock and set the basket aside. The sight of her brightened the darkness inside him. He wanted to scoop her up and take them both to bed. Pathetically, he actually wanted to sleep with her. For some reason, he couldn’t get the thought out of his head that his nightmares would be easier to take with her at his side. He had no doubt making love to Ellie would be amazing, but his attraction to her ran deeper than sex. It was a completely foreign feeling for him.