Hothouse Flower (Addicted #4)(110)

“That’s not what I f*cking meant.” I grimace at all of those. I try to calm down about the photograph and about the truth reaching her parents before we could tell them. What’d we think, we could live in a fantasy forever? We should have told them about the riot before we left Paris.

“Then what did you mean?” he asks.

I meet his eyes. “It’s serious.”

“So serious that you shared it with everyone.”

“Because I knew you were going to jump down my f*cking throat!” Anger catapults me to my f*cking feet. He stands with me, both of us breathing heavily again.

Round f*cking two.

“If you cared about her,” he says, pointing a finger at me, “then you wouldn’t be sneaking around like you’re doing something wrong!”

“Fuck you!” I shout. “You’ve made this impossible, Lo!”

“She’s EIGHTEEN!” Lo yells. He takes two hostile steps towards me, and even though my body screams to run at him with a fist flying, I have to take two steps back again. “She’s like my little sister. It wasn’t supposed to be possible! But you didn’t care. You still banged her.”

I’m so f*cking screwed. The betrayal flashes in his eyes all over again.

I force down this emotion that threatens to rise and overtake me.

Lo glares. “Your cock finally got the best of you, didn’t it?” He’s the worst devil on my f*cking shoulder. And I love him. “She turned eighteen and you could finally stick it in—”

“No,” I growl. “It wasn’t f*cking like that!”

“I should leave you alone in this desert,” Lo sneers. “I am kicking myself right now, for every time I let you near her, for every time I let you be alone with her—”

“You don’t know what you’re f*cking talking about.” I think about all the times she was alone and afraid and hurt, and I was the one who was f*cking there. No one else was around. He had his own shit to deal with, so why the f*ck do I get vilified and then praised whenever it’s convenient for him?

“I don’t know what I’m talking about?” He rubs his lips and grimaces. “How long, Ryke? Tell me that, how f*cking long have you liked her more than just a friend, and let’s see if it’s all in my head?”

“I don’t know.” I do though. I always have. I just can’t stomach admitting it.

“I’m going to ask you again,” Lo says, his voice rattling with anger. “How long—”

“Stop,” I say forcefully.

He takes one step closer. “No, how long—”

“FOR YEARS!” I scream, veins protruding in my arms, my face reddening, unleashing this thing held captive inside of me. I step towards him. “Is that what you want to hear?! Years, Lo.”

He clenches his teeth so hard. “You’re lying?” He didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to be wrong.

“I’m not,” I say, hot tears burning my f*cking eyes. “I have been so f*cking attracted to that girl. And I never planned on doing a f*cking thing about it. I never was going to try. And I tried…” I point at him. “I tried so f*cking hard not thinking about her like that. It was wrong. I knew it was f*cking wrong. I suppressed everything as much as I could.” But when she was fifteen, sixteen, seventeen—I was drawn to her in immeasurable f*cking ways. The guilt was always there. I chose to ignore it.

“Then why not stay away from her?” Lo retorts. “Why not put a hundred f*cking feet between you and Daisy? You flirted with her every day, Ryke. You became her friend.”

“I convinced myself that nothing would ever happen, so I thought it was okay to push further.”

“You’re a f*cking idiot!” Lo yells at me.

I know.

“She was so hot that you couldn’t say no after she became legal—”

“No,” I cut him off before he continues. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it f*cking like?!” Lo shouts.

And I explode. “I FUCKING LOVE HER!” I scream, my heart thrashing in my ribs.

His mouth falls, his brows furrowing in confusion the longer he scrutinizes my features. I feel like he’s clawing at my insides for answers.

Here they are. “I fell in f*cking love with her. It hurt to be away from Daisy. It hurt to watch her with other guys. Everything f*cking hurt, and I didn’t want to live with that pain anymore. I f*cking couldn’t.” I inhale deeply. “I can’t tell you when it became unbearable, but it did.” Somewhere between Daisy eating a pomegranate in her kitchen and now.

He stares at me for a really long time, processing. “I know, more than anyone, how painful it is watching someone you love be with other people. But you can’t really love her—”

“I’ve known her for over two years,” I tell him. “I’ve spent so much f*cking time with her, Lo. We’ve been through a lot together, so yes, I fell in love with her.”

Lo glances back at Daisy, and I follow his gaze. She’s crying in Lily’s shoulder while she hugs her close. My heart tears open again, and I have to restrain myself from walking over there and consoling her.

When I force my attention back to my brother, I realize he’s been studying me watching her. He doesn’t say anything, but I will.