Horde (Razorland #3)(7)

And I did. Much as I would’ve liked to touch him more, I kept our contact quick and impersonal. He hissed when the antiseptic ran into the punctures, but he didn’t move other than to curl his fists. He shut his eyes, his throat working, not against the pain, I didn’t think. By the time I finished, he wore a sheen of cold sweat on his brow.

“Did it hurt that much?” I asked.

“No.” His fists came to rest on his thighs and he wouldn’t look at me. “When you touch me—when anyone touches me—I’m back there, in the pens. I feel it all over again.”

“We’ll work out a way to fix it,” I promised.

“How? This is why I told you we can’t be together. I wasn’t strong enough to keep them from taking me and I’m not strong enough to shake this off. I can’t—”

“You can,” I cut in. “Maybe not today or tomorrow. But Tegan’s doing better. She said you need time … and I have it to offer. I promise we’ll figure it out.”

As his head swung my way, his dark eyes burned into me. “Why?”

“Because I love you.” It was easy to say it this time now that I understood what it meant. Then I quoted his own words back to him. “Not just when it’s easy. All the time.”

“No more deals with Stalker?” That told me he still cared; despite the pain, his feelings for me hadn’t changed.

“He won’t touch me again. Whatever’s at stake, I’ll find another way.”

“If you had any idea how much I want to hold you—”

“I’m not going anywhere, Fade. You’re my partner. I choose you. I always will.”

After that, I simply sat beside him, listening to him breathe. It wasn’t enough, but it was more than he’d let me do before. Step by step, he would let me back in. My eyes closed and I tipped my head back against the wall. Stalker jostled me eventually—and by the angle of the light, a few hours had passed. They must’ve talked until nearly dawn.

The colonel finally said, “No more discussion. It’s time to vote.”

“Seconded,” said the gray-haired man.

“All in favor of sending reinforcements, say aye and raise your hand.”

The result came down in our favor, four to two. I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes in relief; until this moment, I hadn’t realized how worried I was that we’d fail. Fortunately Colonel Park paid attention to the world she lived in and was willing to accept change even when it didn’t mean good things for her town. I wished the elders in the enclave had been more like her.

But it still wasn’t as fast as I would’ve liked because then they had to debate how many men they could afford to send without critically crippling Soldier’s Pond. The endless talking was making me antsy, so I rolled into my blankets and went to sleep. I figured somebody would nudge me awake when it was time to move. This time there were no nightmares at least.

By the way my body felt, it couldn’t have been more than an hour before Tegan touched my shoulder. “It’s settled. We’re taking fifty soldiers back to Salvation.”

For the number of Freaks we faced, it wasn’t nearly enough, but I couldn’t complain when they were endangering their own citizens to help us. Shoving the hair out of my face, I rolled to my feet and collected my belongings. Everyone else was assembling outside. Fade and Stalker stood on opposite sides of the yard, and I didn’t think I was imagining the narrow stare Fade offered the other boy. Though he’d claimed he didn’t care what I did or with who, obviously that wasn’t true.

Morgan stood at the head of the men given to our cause. In the dawn light, I saw that he had long dark hair, lightly sprinkled with silver, but his face didn’t look as old as I’d first thought. He had lines at the corners of his eyes, but they came from humor, I thought, or sunshine, not the endless march of years. His mouth turned up at the edges as if he found it difficult not to smile, an expression echoed by the warm gray of his eyes; they were like smoke, warm and changeable.

Right now, he was giving orders to his men. “Infantry in good condition can cover thirty to forty miles a day on foot. We have to move at least that fast in order to prove of any help to Salvation. If any among you thinks he can’t sustain that pace for whatever reason, speak now.”

“I’ve got a bum foot,” a man said. “Broke it a few years back and it didn’t heal right. I’d only slow you down.”

“Thanks for your honesty.” Morgan turned to someone I took for his second in command.

The big, burly man responded by calling out another name, and a new soldier took the dismissed one’s place in the formation. Unlike the guard in Salvation, these men were well trained. I could tell by their body language that they had drilled together extensively and fought real battles beyond the walls. Many of them had Freak scars, claw marks on faces or forearms, visible badges of their courage and skill. Touched by her valor and willingness to risk trouble for our sakes, I strode over to the colonel.

“I can’t thank you enough, sir. You don’t know what this means for us.”

“God grant it’s sufficient,” she said, “but it’s all we can do. Otherwise we’ll be too weak to defend, should the Muties turn their ambitions west.”

It’ll happen, I thought.