Horde (Razorland #3)(44)

“Right now, there’s nobody for you to lead, but I accept.”

He nodded. “That’s enough. I’ve seen what you can accomplish.”

That sounded an awful lot like a vote of confidence. Before I could thank him for it, he turned and strode away. In time, I hoped he would get over his hurt feelings. I missed training with him. Fade stepped out of the house when I approached the door.

“What was that about?” But his tone wasn’t sharp or fearful; and that, too, was a relief. I didn’t need to deal with jealousy on top of everything else.

Quickly I summarized the offer Stalker had made.

“He’ll do well with that, provided we can find him some scouts.”

I sighed. “That’s far from sure, at this point.”

“At least you’re taking action. Every big thing starts small.”

Maybe I was just tired, but that seemed profound. Fade took a breath, then framed my face in his hands, contact initiated wholly by him. I gazed up at him, enjoying the warmth of his palms against my cheeks. Then he brushed a kiss against my brow, amusement in his dark eyes.

“Tegan got you good.”

“She did.” I ducked my head. “But I had it coming.”

He kissed my temple next, and I closed my eyes with a shiver of pleasure. “Thanks, Deuce.”

“What for?”

“Being patient. I don’t know why, but it’s better and easier when I’m in control. When you just let me—I don’t know.” Fade’s hand curled into a fist because he was obviously frustrated at not being able to explain. “It’s just better.”

“That’s all I care about. If it means I have to wait for you to hold my hand or to kiss me, that’s fine. I fully believe there will come a time when you don’t even think about it anymore.”

“It might be a while,” he warned me.

I smiled. “Then I’ll just have to depend on your urge to touch me.”

“You can count on that.” His dark eyes held a hungry light, like he wanted to eat me up. I rather wanted to let him.

That night, we all slept in the same room, the small barrack house my folks had been assigned. Edmund snored a little; so did Rex. At some point, Fade climbed down from his bunk and into mine. Since he was warm, I didn’t protest … and since he wanted to be close to me, I took it as a personal victory. His arms went around me, so natural that I drifted back to sleep at once. When I woke, he was gone, probably down at the workshop with the other two men.

Momma Oaks was listlessly sweeping the floor, which didn’t need it, when I rolled out of my bed and bundled up some clean clothes, intending to head to the washhouse. Impulsively, I went over and hugged her. She squeezed me back, patting my shoulders as if I were the one who needed comfort. And maybe I did. Yesterday sure hadn’t gone as I’d hoped.

“I’ll find us a better place,” I promised her. “Just hold on, and when the war’s over, I’ll look for a town that will suit us all better.”

She smiled. “It’d be impossible to have a better daughter or for me to love you more.”

Stepping back, I took her hands in mine, feeling so many things that I just didn’t even have the words for them. “I’m sorry about Salvation. I wish I could’ve done more, if I had stopped that Freak who stole the fire—”

“Oh, honey, no. Put that burden down. It’s not yours to carry. The Lord sends trials as he sees fit. In my heart, I thought you could try harder to fit in Salvation. I love you but I didn’t always understand. Perhaps this is His way of making me see.”

“You think he took away your home in order to teach you something?” That sounded like a mean, petty thing to do for someone who supposedly had all the power.

“Could be. But speculating is pointless. His ways are beyond our understanding.”

Nodding, I stepped back and collected my things. I would have to rush to get cleaned up and make the breakfast service in the mess hall. I ran to the bathhouse, past the center of town, where a number of houses had been demolished, and that was where they planted their crops. In addition, there were gardens just inside the metal fencing. Soldier’s Pond made excellent use of the space they defended. It was efficient, certainly. There was also a pen full of livestock, but they used the meat sparingly from what I’d seen. I hurried through my shower and arrived as the last latecomers joined the line. I didn’t like this part of our new life; I preferred Salvation’s way of eating meals at home. Cooked in such quantities, the food was bland and savorless.

You won’t be eating it much longer.

Skimming the crowd, I saw no one I knew until Morrow beckoned me over. He was sitting alone with a sheaf of papers, his fingers ink-stained. As I approached, he nudged them aside, making room for my plate. I sat down on the bench opposite him.

“You weren’t kidding,” I said, surprised.

“When people stop writing down their stories, the soul of the world is lost.”

“So what was it like, growing up here? Did you have a choice about becoming a soldier?” I wasn’t clear how that worked.

“I’m not from here, and I’m not one, really. I come and go like the wind.” Though his tone was light, he definitely meant it.

“But the colonel sent you with us to Salvation, among her best men.”