Horde (Razorland #3)(34)

“You have no idea how happy this makes me,” I whispered.

His voice was somber. “It makes me feel less broken. It helps when I can plan it and consider all the reasons it’s a good thing, first. I still quake like a child over loud noises, sudden touches, people popping out at me unexpectedly—”

“That’s normal,” I said, though I had no idea whether it was. Then it occurred to me how I could best help him—by reassuring him he wasn’t alone. “I never told you this, but I have nightmares. The blind boy from down below, usually. Since we came Topside, there are more … being taken by the Wolves, and later, when I feared I’d lost you forever … that’s the worst. I’m in the woods again, it’s dark and I’m alone, and I’m surrounded by the horde, only this time, I’m covered in my own blood, not their entrails, so they’re all staring right at me. I know I’m going to die—that I failed you and it’ll be my fault that—” The tears surprised me, choking my words.

That you die. I don’t save you.

Before this moment, it hadn’t occurred to me that my weakness would matter to him. Fade levered up on his elbow and tugged on my shoulder. I could tell he wanted me to face him. Another gentle pull, and I succumbed. His eyes were wide and soft, surprised even, in the moonlight, like he hadn’t known I could suffer the same way he did. Well, maybe not the same, but if he was damaged, I surely was too. I strangled the weeping with a few sharp breaths.

“You’re not as strong as I thought.”

“I know,” I said miserably. “Silk always said that. She told me over and over that I have a Breeder’s heart, and I’ll never be a true Huntress.”

“You’re stronger. Much as I love you, I always thought you don’t feel things like I do. But the truth is, you just hide it better. You carry it around without ever asking anybody to help shoulder it. I’m so sorry. I just … left you, hurting, and I was so worried about being worthy that I never once suspected you need me too.”

My voice came out small in the dark. “I do.”

For once, the Huntress was in complete agreement with the girl.

Fade trembled when he touched my hair. “I promise I won’t go away again, even inside my head. And you tell me about the bad dreams from now on. Please don’t hide. Not from me.”

“Then in the interest of full honesty, I really wish you’d kiss me right now.”

Apart from the blind nuzzling in his sleep, he hadn’t touched me like that since his return. Considering it hadn’t been very long since we started sparking, I missed it a whole lot. His breath misted my forehead, and Fade pressed a kiss there, delicate as a moth’s wing. That wasn’t what I had in mind, but I feared spooking him. He dusted kisses along my temple down to my cheekbone, then I couldn’t help it. I turned my head so my mouth met his. He made a soft sound, and I was in accord.

I didn’t grab on to him, though I wanted to. He had conveyed to me that touching went easier when he was in charge of it—braced for it—and so I kept my hands still. Somehow that only made me more conscious of the hot glide of his lips, and the way his body lit mine up like a summer night, all heat and starlight. His tongue grazed mine; it was all I could do not to leap on him. Proud of my self-control, I lay in the circle of his arm after he broke the kiss, dreaming of the day when I could again touch him freely.

With a soft sigh, Fade rested his forehead against mine. “We should get to sleep. It will be another long day tomorrow.”

He was more right about that than he knew.

Winterville

Freaks harried us all the next day.

Past dawn, they caught our scent, and Fade and I ran like the devil was at our heels. At one point, we crossed the river, hoping they’d lose us in the water, but no such luck. Since it was shallow enough for us to pass, they could too. I found it interesting that two people in the wilderness could draw so much attention. Was it possible they suspected the importance of our mission? If so, we were in more trouble than I’d reckoned.

With them prowling in our wake, there was no chance to stop for more than minimal food, water, and hygiene breaks. Sleep was out of the question, so we ran on into the night, until the pitch darkness made it likely we’d break an ankle on the uneven terrain. I slowed, scanning the horizon as the noises grew louder behind us. If I didn’t spot shelter, the Freaks would find us, and we’d end up fighting in the dark. My night vision could compensate but Fade might not fare as well. Therefore, I was determined to find us a place to hide.

I spun in all directions, then pointed. “This way.”

To his credit, Fade didn’t ask. He just followed me as I ran. The dot resolved as I drew closer. From this range, I made out an abandoned house, bigger than the one we’d camped in that first winter after we left the ruins. There were outbuildings on the property too; and from my history lessons, I suspected we had stumbled on a farm. Ancient machinery sat in rusted hulks, creating eerie shapes in the darkness. I ignored them as I darted past.

The door was still standing, though hanging drunkenly on its hinges. I had hoped for a secure location if not a secret one, but this would have to do. Inside the house, I found pests and scavengers, droppings and old nests. A rickety flight of stairs led up, and at the top, there was a door with a wooden crossbar. I shut it quietly and lowered it in place. If they tracked us here, we could defend the room better than an open field, plus they would expend strength and energy in breaking down the door.