Horde (Razorland #3)(106)

I started to answer, but his mouth took mine, and his kiss was hard and hungry, angry and voracious, until my mouth felt swollen and tender, but I held on to him, sparked by the need he had always hidden. Fade tried to be gentle with me but that wasn’t the whole of him. He was furious and starved, desperate, and I felt it too, until we were both trembling. His breath mingled with mine when he eased his head back.

Against my lips, he whispered, “Sometimes I could almost hate you because you don’t understand how much you mean to me, how dark and empty I was before. Solnyshko moyo.”

I didn’t think I’d ever heard those words, but I was wobbly from exhaustion as well as his anger. “What does that mean?”

“It’s in my father’s tongue. I can’t remember more, but he used to say that to my mother. Solnyshko moyo. It means ‘my sun.’” Fade leaned his brow against mine, closing his eyes. “Each time Stalker called you ‘dove,’ I wanted to hit him. Because you’re not a little gray bird … you’re all the light in the world.”

“So are you,” I said, flattening my hands on his chest. He jerked at the contact, but not in a bad way. His breath hissed through his teeth, and he opened his eyes to gaze at me with desire blazing like a signal fire. “And I do understand. You’re all that’s kept me going when it seemed like this was hopeless. It’s also why I did whatever was necessary to bring you back. You’re my beating heart, and without you, I cannot live.”

“Now? You say that to me now?” Fade seemed peculiarly indignant as he gestured at the empty, rocky coastline. “Here? When we’ve both been up all night, Stone and Thimble are waiting for us at the cottage, and there’s not a bed in sight.”

Ah. Heat washed my cheeks when I understood what he meant. “There’s a mossy bank.”

He sighed at me and pulled me closer, gentle this time. “Let’s get some rest and tomorrow, we’ll talk to the boatmen.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t—”

“If you swear they’re different from the rest, I believe you. I can’t pretend I’m happy about it, but if the alternative is having our settlements destroyed, then … I can handle it.”

Fade ought to rant at me some more because I deserve it. I hadn’t meant to frighten him—and the consequences could’ve been so grave. I shuddered as I envisioned my soldiers dead on the wrong side of the river, all because I hadn’t thought to send word that I was safe.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, as we strolled toward the village, too tired for a faster pace.

“I’m still angry, but I’ll think of a way for you to make it up to me.”

I angled a teasing grin at him. “I’ll let you beat me the next time we spar.”

“Not what I had in mind,” Fade muttered.

Back in town, I made up a ridiculous story about walking along the coast and getting lost. By their dubious expressions, Stone and Thimble suspected I was lying—and I didn’t know whether to be pleased that they thought better of my abilities—or dismayed that my deception disappointed them. Still, they put aside their qualms and invited us back to their home, where they fed Fade and me. Talk was scant and stilted while my former brat-mates held whole conversations with their eyes.

Finally, Thimble said, “You’re exhausted. Don’t mind us. Get some rest.”

With her blessing, we crawled up into the loft without delay. Downstairs, Stone set to household chores and played with Robin while Thimble went to her workshop. Fade pulled me close and settled me against his chest. For a few seconds, I listened to his heart.

“When did you know?” I wondered sleepily.

“What?”

“How you felt about me.”

“I always admired your skill,” he said, sounding thoughtful. “You were so intense about your training that I wondered if you’d focus so fiercely on somebody you loved.”

“And do I?”

Fade kissed the top of my head. “More than I could’ve imagined. That’s part of why I asked Silk to partner us.”

That astonished me. “Truly?”

“She didn’t want to waste you on me, you know. I spent weeks convincing her I deserved a second chance.”

I shivered, imagining how different my life might be if he’d failed to persuade her. “I’m glad she agreed. But that’s not what I asked.”

“I’m prolonging the suspense.”

Smiling, I set a hand on his chest, which made him draw a sharp breath. “Tell me.”

“For me, it started when you let me put my arm around you on the way back from Nassau. So many girls in the enclave treated me like I was a filthy savage, one step away from killing all of you in your sleep.”

“You must’ve wanted to, sometimes.”

“Not after I met you. I felt…” He paused, as if struggling to find the words. “Like you needed me a little, as if you might let me in. But as for the moment when I really fell … we’d just opened a can of cherries and you licked them from my fingers. Then you looked at me like I was every wonderful thing in the world. And I thought, I’d give anything for her to feel that way forever. It just about killed me when I imagined that you preferred Stalker.”