Hooked (Viking Bastards MC #1)(46)

“I’m sorry for being a dick.” It isn’t easier. This is agony. “The only reason I came here today is because I wanted to ask you to—” The words stick in my throat and I cough, but it doesn’t help.

“Ask me what?” She’s still frowning but she’s not giving off the same angry vibes she was a minute ago.

I grab her hand, and although she doesn’t grasp my fingers, at least she doesn’t pull away. That’s got to be a good sign.

“Forgive me. All that shit I said… I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The earth doesn’t crack open and the sky doesn’t explode, but there’s a crushing weight on my chest and my head’s pounding. Is any chick worth this kind of grief?

Grace’s fingers tighten around mine, and when I see her lip wobble I know my degradation is worth every torturous second if it means she’ll come back to me.

“I can only guess how much that cost you.” She gives a small smile and then sniffs. “I sure saw a different side to you back in your kitchen.”

She hasn’t backed away, but she hasn’t forgiven me. What happens if she can’t? I spent most of the last couple of days in a drunken stupor which dulled my brain, but I’m stone cold sober now. And finally I face the one thought I’ve been avoiding ever since I made the decision to come here.

What will I do if she won’t take me back?

I’ll always have my brothers and my club. I’ll always have the respect and fear from my community that goes along with being a Bastard. None of that’s going to change, whatever happens here today.

But none of it will mean everything, the way it always used to, if Grace walks away. Deep inside my chest there’s a hollow pain, and it takes a second before I face the stark, terrifying truth.

I love her.

“Fuck, Grace.” My voice is hoarse, and she doesn’t seem to care that I’m crushing her fingers. If I let go, she might never let me touch her again. “That’s not who I am. Not who I am with you.”

“I don’t want you to be different with me.”

That’s not what I mean. I don’t know how to tell her what I mean.

“You—” I choke on words I can’t find, and couldn’t say even if I did. “Shit, this is hard. I pushed you away because I was f*cked up over the thought of you getting back with your ex. That your family’ll never accept me the way they did him. That you’re too f*cking good for me and everyone knows it.”

Ah, hell. Looks like I found the words after all. Now is a good time to die.

She’s looking at me as though she’s never seen me before, and for the first time in my life I want the earth to open and swallow me whole.

“You’ve never had any cause to be jealous of Russell.” She presses her free hand against my heart. “Our families will either accept us or they won’t. There’s nothing we can do about that. And…” She hesitates, a strange expression on her face. “You’re the one who’s been good for me, Zach. You made me stand up for what I really want.”

This isn’t going too badly considering I just ripped open my chest and laid my heart at her feet. “You willing to forgive and forget?”

There’s a sad smile on her face that doesn’t fill me with hope. “I really do appreciate you coming here to see me. It means a lot.”

She appreciates me turning up today? I don’t want her to appreciate me. Before I can get my head around that, she takes a deep breath. It appears she hasn’t finished grinding me into the dust yet.

“I don’t really know what you want from me, but it’s not going to work when we both need different things. I’ve enjoyed our month together, and I never thought it was anything serious on your side, but if you’re asking me to come back to you so we can, I don’t know, work on this, you need to know I’m not into open relationships.”

Her words thunder through my head, making it hard to focus. Did she just say everything I thought she did?

“You’ll come back to me?” That’s the most important thing, and I need to get that straight before I can figure out the rest.

She lets out a long sigh. “I’m an idiot. I know you’ll probably just break my heart all over again, but I want us to work. Except I know how you feel about commitment and relationships.”

Guess I deserve that, but it barely registers. I broke her heart? I’m a f*cking dickwad.

I spear my fingers through her hair, dislodging the clip that holds it back from her face, and say something I’ve never said before or even thought could possibly be true.

“I’ve been faithful to you since the night we met.”

She doesn’t look nearly as impressed as I hoped. “We’ve only known each other a month.”

She doesn’t get it. Why would she? But I need to make her understand. “I don’t want anyone else. Not at the club, not at Odin’s, because that’s just cheap sex and you’re—” I hesitate, not sure, but what the hell. You only die once, right. “Everything.”

*-whipped echoes through my mind, but I don’t care. So long as I’m the only one saying it and Grace is the reason why.

“Cheap sex?” she repeats, but not like she’s pissed by my choice of words, which on second thought probably wasn’t the best comparison I could’ve come up with. “You want me for more than sex, then?”