Hollywood Dirt (Hollywood Dirt, #1)(47)

I did. It was hard not to, when he was that close. And God, he was gorgeous. So much so that it hurt, like staring at the sun, the pull of attraction so sharp and dangerous that it physically hurt my heart. It was staring at something you could never have but desperately wanted, despite any sense to the contrary, despite any danger that accompanied the attraction.

“Forget the rules and ask me a question.”

That distracted me from his beauty and I lifted my eyes off the perfect curve of his jaw and to his eyes. “A question from the list?” After three hours, I knew Brecken’s twenty questions by heart.

He shrugged. “Any question. Anything you want.”

“Are you in pain?” Any question. I had any question in the world and where that one came from, I had no idea. If I’d expected it, I might have looked away, might have given him a chance to react privately. But I wasn’t expecting the words to leave my lips and so I was there, staring at him, when the blow hit. There wasn’t much of an impact. His eyes dimmed a little, green irises going a little dark, his neck contracting as he swallowed. “From her leaving… I mean. I just…” I finally was able to look away. “You don’t seem that upset.”

“Don’t ramble. Be concise.” He touched the edge of my knee to catch my attention. “And don’t look away. That indicates shame.”

Shame. No joke. I was ashamed. It was way too personal of a question for me to ask.

“Nadia and I were together for a long time. Anytime you lose someone who has been a part of your life for that long, it hurts. But I think that this was for the best. She’s happier in her new relationship and that’s what I want. Her to be happy.” He gave a small smile, lifting one shoulder in a shrug of resignation. I felt a sudden urge to comfort him, was about to reach forward when he straightened, his posture changing. “That’s what I would say, if a reporter asked. It puts me on the high road and subtly turns everyone against her.”

“Is it true?” Another personal question. It was like I had to chase down this dog until it died.

“No.” Now he looked away. “I feel very… odd about Nadia.” His words came out slowly, as if he was weighing each word and recording its worth. “I feel… stupid. I feel taken advantage of. I feel very, very off balance.” His head lifted, and his eyes returned to me. “I don’t know if pain would be the word I would use.”

I swallowed. “I like that answer better.”

His mouth curved. “So would the press. The truth is always more interesting. It’s also much more dangerous.” He didn’t move, but I swear, from just the way he looked at me, that he’d gotten closer. “Did you feel like you are closer to me now? Knowing that?”

“Yes.”

“If the public knows you, Summer, they will destroy you. They can’t help themselves. They love our weaknesses so much, it causes them to latch on, to dig deeper, to feast and pillage on our exposures until the moment when we, as people—me as Cole, you as Summer—are gone. And the only thing left is what they want to see.”

It sounded terrible. I had been worried about looking stupid. Not losing myself. I swallowed, his next words pushing my anxiety even higher.

“My turn.” He rubbed his bottom lip, his other hand tucked under his elbow and looked at me. His turn. I’d been so personal with my question. What would he ask me? Probably how many men I’d slept with.

My bra size.

My favorite sexual position.

My—

“Who is your favorite actor?”

My mind stuttered. “My favorite actor?”

“Yes.”

“Like… to date? Or who I respect?”

He shrugged. “Both.”

Five months ago I’d have rattled off his name without hesitation. Not as the actor I respected the most, that honor would have to go to an older man. But as the actor I found the most attractive… Cole Masten had always held that spot in my mind. Always. He was everyone’s gold standard, the photo first in Google Results when you keyed in ‘heartthrob.’

“Ummm…” His eyes sharpened and I cleared my throat. “As far as actors I respect…” I swallowed. Brecken had told me, whenever I felt the urge to say a filler word, to swallow. Take a breath. Or a sip of water. “Jake Gyllenhaal. He was really strong in Nightcrawler. And Christoph Waltz. And… Tom Hanks.”

“Interesting list.” He nodded at me to go on.

“As far as actors I find attractive… maybe Chris Pratt?” I don’t know why I gave my answer in the form of a question.

Cole’s brow furrowed. “Chris Pratt?” he repeated.

“Yes. The guy from Parks and Recreation? He… he was really hot in Jurassic World.”

Cole’s mouth twitched. “Anyone else?”

I tried to think of someone, anyone who was as opposite from Cole as possible. “Jonah Hill,” I blurted out.

Cole tilted his head, my explanation rushing out before his question came. “He’s very talented. And smart. I like that in a man.”

“And he’s fat,” Cole said flatly. “You have all of Hollywood to choose from, and Jonah Hill is your choice.”

“He’s not… he’s cuddly.”