Hero(127)

And then I realized that wasn’t quite true.

I think that I would choose Caine over nearly anyone … but if we had children they would always come first. I also knew enough about the man I loved to know that he would feel the same way. So many adults hadn’t taken him into consideration when he was a child. In the past few weeks Caine had mentioned “our children” in this offhand manner that made me smile—like kids with me was a given now that he’d admitted he loved me.

He would never put a kid through anything like what he’d been through.

Neither would I.

That realization made me think of my mom. It made me think of what Caine had said to me all those months ago at Good Harbor Beach.

So I sat down to have one last conversation with my mother in the hopes of freeing myself of some that hurt.





CHAPTER 33



Dear Mom, The greatest lesson you taught me is that parents’ actions and choices resonate into their child’s life, sometimes affecting them in a way it never should. I wish your greatest lesson to me could be more positive, because the truth is that’s who you were—an optimistic, warm, sweet woman. But you were also weak. And I have to forgive you for your weakness, because at the end of the day we all have our weaknesses. I wanted to tell you that you hurt me when you chose my father over me. I wanted to tell you that I’ll never understand how you could love him so deeply when he could never love anyone as much as he loved himself. And I wanted to tell you that I realize now that it was never up to me to understand.

I’m sorry for putting you in a position where you had to choose between us.

You can’t help whom you love.

Watching you waste your sweet heart on my father paralyzed me. For the longest time I deliberately avoided ever feeling about someone the way you felt about him. Because of that I sometimes felt like there were days that I was just sitting watching life pass me by. The hell of it all was that it never even occurred to me to flag it down and ask it for a ride.

Until Caine came along. And there was no choice in it for me. Just as I now realize there was probably no choice in it for you.

I forgive you for loving Dad.

I even forgive you for loving him more than me.

But I’ll never forget.

The greatest lesson I teach my kids won’t be the same you taught me.

It won’t be the lesson Caine’s parents taught him either.

I don’t know what it’ll be yet.

I just know there will never be a day that passes my kids by when they don’t know that there is no one in this world they can count on more than me.

I don’t mean to make you feel guilty, Mom. I just needed to finally tell you how I feel so I can move on. The past is the past and I’m letting go of it and all the anger that comes with it. I’m trying out this thing called peace, and I’m hoping that wherever you are you can find that peace too knowing that I’m letting the ugliness of the past go, and knowing that no matter what I loved you.

And I know you loved me.

Good-bye, Mom.

Yours,

Lexie





EPILOGUE


“You know, I think we need to lift the ban on showering together,” Caine grumbled as he sauntered down the stairs and into the kitchen.

I snorted and held out his mug of coffee before returning my attention to the notes I had spread all over the kitchen counter. “There was a reason we banned it. It was called being late for work,” I murmured absentmindedly.

The mug was removed from my hand and I narrowed my eyes on the list of boutiques Nadia had mentioned, wondering how on earth I was going to get around them all in a day.

“I didn’t mind.”

“You didn’t mind what?” I pulled out the map of Boston I’d printed off. I’d used the computer to place the boutiques on the map so I could work out the most efficient route for visiting them all.

“Being late.”

“You’re the boss,” I reminded him. “You can do what you like. I have a boss who wasn’t happy at my excuse for lateness.”

“That’s because Bree needs to get laid.”

“Caine.” I looked up at him in admonishment.

He gestured to my face. “Ah, there she is.”

Confused, I wrinkled my nose.

“I was wondering if you were ever going to look up from that thing.” He tapped the huge folder in front of me. “A ‘good morning’ would be nice.”