Heath (Wild Boys After Dark, #2)(42)

As the Saturday-morning sun crept over the horizon and showered her and Heath in a bright new day, she began to see herself differently. When she inched back against him, his chest hair tickled her skin and his hips and thighs cradled her rear, and she realized that the person she’d presented herself as when she’d met Heath wasn’t her true self, even though she’d thought it was.

It was who she’d pretended to be—even to herself.

In college Ally had taken the walk of shame once or twice; only she’d never considered it a walk of shame. She’d done what she’d wanted to do, on her terms. After college—and after being cheated on for a second time—she’d stopped wanting anything remotely close to a monogamous relationship. That was when she’d taken control of her personal life. Erecting a wall around herself, sleeping with an occasional man on her terms. She realized now that part of her terms meant without any ties to her true self. It had been her way of protecting her heart. Heath had somehow touched her in a way that made her want to break through that facade in the same way her father had removed his emotional armor for her mother.

In his sleep, Heath’s warm, even breaths whispered across her shoulder. She felt his heart beating against her back, and even in sleep he held her protectively, with one strong arm around her waist. Ally hadn’t ever thought of herself as the type of woman who needed protecting, but every ounce of her loved the way Heath had made her his. She loved the way he devoured her sexually and the way she caught him stealing glances, as if he might see some hidden piece of her when she wasn’t aware that he was looking. Even the way he called her sweetheart made her heart squeeze and her belly get warm. As she lay within his embrace, she wondered what she’d been so afraid of. She tried to dissect it, to figure it out as she did the blood work and biopsies she analyzed at work.

Strangely, it wasn’t the fear of being cheated on that rushed to the forefront of her mind. That was the one thing she’d always thought she was trying to avoid. But as Heath’s arm tightened around her, she knew that wasn’t her greatest fear. Her greatest fear was allowing herself to feel the emotions she’d never felt before and the worries that came along with them.

She was falling head over heels in love with Heath. Love, like liquid, had infiltrated her entire being, joining with her blood and settling into her bones, saturating her so completely that she knew she couldn’t easily shake it off or pretend it didn’t exist. Not that she wanted to do either. But the sense of realness, the sense of complete and utter belonging, was upon her.

If she gave in to these intense emotions and let the last of her resolve go, would Heath really always be there to catch her? Or, like wayward cells, would their feelings change into something ugly and unstoppable?

“What’re you thinking about?” Heath asked as he rolled Ally onto her back. Sleep hovered in his blue eyes, and a curious smile played across his cheeks.

“Us,” she answered honestly.

“Mm. Well, you didn’t take off in the middle of the night—that’s a good sign.”

She smiled. “You held on to me all night like a seat belt.”

He pulled her side against his warm skin. “Too confining?”

“Not in the least. I slept great.”

“Then why do I sense something serious brewing in your mind?”

This was another part of Heath she was completely drawn to. He paid such careful attention to her that even when she thought there was no way he could notice anything out of the ordinary, he did.

“You know how all it takes is one aberrant cell to destroy a person?”

“Yes.” He pushed up on one elbow, and his gaze turned serious.

“All it takes to destroy a relationship is one rogue thought. Or one wrong move. Or…”

“Or someone not really caring enough to protect it?” he asked.

She shifted her eyes away with the truth of his question.

“Isn’t that what relationships really come down to?” Heath gently drew her chin toward him, so she had no choice but to look at him. “With illness, control is an illusion. You can eat right and exercise, stay away from cigarettes and alcohol, and still a cancerous cell can turn into many and steal a person’s life.” He paused, and his eyes softened as he brushed his finger over her cheek.

She loved that he took his time to intimately touch her in the middle of an important thought. He wasn’t in a rush to move past her worries or to convince her of his beliefs. It was these little things—the way her thoughts were important to him, the way he cared for her—that were making her his.

“The difference is that in relationships, we have full control,” he explained. “We make our decisions. Sometimes we make good decisions, sometimes bad decisions, but we’re always in control of what those decisions are.”

She sighed, hating and loving in equal measure the truth of what he’d said.

“Allyson, we’ve both been on the hurtful side of other people’s bad decisions. I can’t speak for you, but at thirty-four years old, with a stable and enjoyable career, and a family I love, there’s no reason for me to bring someone else into my life unless I want that person there and, more importantly, unless I’m willing to do whatever it takes to do the right thing by them.”

He gazed into her eyes as she processed what he’d said, and when he spoke again, his tone was even more sincere.