Heat Stroke (Beach Kingdom, #2)(31)

You’re going to hurt him.

“I was thinking, um…” Marcus forced himself to turn away. “I was thinking we’d have a refrigerator out here with energy drinks, water. Quick grab stuff for lunch.”

“Yeah, I like that idea.” Jamie’s voice sounded gruff. “You should hang a mirror on the wall. Mirrors tend to attract your fitness brethren, don’t they?”

Marcus turned with a smile. “You calling us vain?” He flexed his bicep and kissed it. “I gotta stay in shape so you have something nice to ogle on the beach.”

That surprised a laugh out of Jamie. “Hey, you haven’t said something like that in at least a week. I think we’ve turned a corner.”

“I only ever said those things because I was trying to hide the fact that I ogle you.” Marcus said, immediately wishing he’d been born with a working verbal filter. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I just meant to say…I think I was trying to convince myself, too. That I was the guy everyone thinks I am.” He held up his forearm. “Kind of like with this tattoo.”

Jamie was silent for a moment. “What kind of guy does everyone think you are?”

“Loud, inappropriate. Kind of pervy.”

“You think you can’t embody those qualities and like men at the same time?” Jamie laughed under his breath. “Sometimes I think at least two out of those three characteristics is a requirement.”

Marcus scoffed. “You’re not loud or inappropriate.”

Sex smoked in his eyes. “I am under the right circumstances.”

“Jamie,” Marcus groaned. “Please don’t give me boner.”

“You already have one.”

“Dammit.” Marcus approached the counter so he could hide his erection. Even with sexual frustration tightening around him like a full body belt, he couldn’t help but chuckle in response to Jamie’s laughter. “So what you’re saying is…I can be this exact person no matter what? I don’t have to change?”

“No, there’s no club uniform. We don’t perform random searches to make sure your sheets are clean and your shoes are in season. You can gay your own way, Marcus. Some people live louder than others, but that goes for straight people, too.”

Marcus took a deep breath. “I’m gay, Jamie.”

“I know.” They existed in the sharp, crystalized moment together, Marcus’s heart going from a wild thunder to a steady beat. All the while, Jamie stood across the counter and anchored him with his constancy. Marcus was a ship tied to Jamie’s moor.

At least until Jamie sucked in a breath, his eyes going wide. “Oh Jesus, where did that feather boa around your neck come from?”

“What?” Marcus’s hands flew to his neck and found nothing, Jamie’s laughter taking a few ticks to penetrate. “You think you’re funny, do you?”

“It was pretty funny.”

Jesus, Marcus hadn’t been this light in a long time. Maybe ever. There was a rush of tingles coasting up and down his skin, his neck felt loose. The smile wouldn’t leave his face. He’d said it. He said the words out loud and the world was still standing. “What do we do now?”

Jamie lifted a shoulder. “What do you want to do?”

“For today…I don’t know if I’m ready to do more than say it.” He reached for courage. “What step comes after that?”

“I don’t know. There’s no guidebook, Marcus.” Jamie scrubbed at the back of his neck, measuring him with a guarded look. “Listen, I’m going out with Kurt on Friday night. Why don’t you come with us?” Marcus’s heart dropped straight down, through the floorboards and hurtled toward the earth’s core, but somehow Jamie kept talking and time marched on as usual. “He can bring some friends and we’ll all just hang out. You’ve got yourself psyched out over some wild, alternative lifestyle and you’ll see, Marcus, it’s just like hanging out with me.”

“You’re going on a date, Jamie?” Marcus managed.

“I’m willing to downgrade it from date to hangout so you’ll come with me.” Jamie exhaled hard. “Maybe…I don’t know, maybe there will be someone there that’s able to do what I can’t for you. Take it slow. Keep things undercover.”

A war broke out inside of Marcus. One side was trying to be mature and take the death blow like a man. The other side was losing its shit. No. No no no. Jamie Prince didn’t get to go on dates. Other men did not get to spend time with Jamie Prince. They didn’t deserve him. What if they tried to touch him? Worse, what if Jamie wanted to be touched by someone that wasn’t Marcus? Jesus. Christ. It was totally possible. It could happen. No, it would happen…

Unless Marcus stepped up.

Unless he grew into the skin that suddenly felt nine sizes too small and became what Jamie needed. It had never been more apparent that if Marcus stayed in the closet, he’d have to let Jamie go. Oh fuck, he couldn’t do that. Jamie was going on one date and already, a noose was tightening around his throat.

But Marcus trusted Jamie. If Jamie thought spending time with other men who shared his preferences would help the fear of exposure subside, then he would do it. Maybe he’d learn a way to be Jamie’s man. No, he had to learn. The only other choice was losing Jamie.